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Old 10-13-2013, 08:32 PM
JadeDoor's Avatar
JadeDoor JadeDoor is offline
Join Date: Jun 2013
Posts: 96
Default Husband's gf broke up w/him; now he wants to be mono

A brief synopsis....
Neverwhere is my husband. He was dating his ex wife, Amanda. They have children together and we all live together. She moved into our house over the summer. Things were going great at first. We have a rather unique situation, being a poly family and a step family, but it seemed to work for us. I also started dating Mark, Neverwhere's younger brother. Once again, unique but seemed to work. Neverwhere had his days where he struggled with it, but for the most part I heard lots of excitement from him about how I was the glue of the family and of course Mark would be in love with me since I"m so amazing. My husband seemed totally happy and okay with "sharing" me 90% of the time. The rest of the time... he just started anti depression meds (which I believe he's needed since his early 20's) at our counselor's request.

So.... cut to Thursday. Amanda and Neverwhere attend therapy together. Amanda has been struggling with changes lately. She has been a hardened person for a long time and she is working on trust issues with all of us and learning how to be in a loving family (her mother was very abusive and then she also had a horrible marriage with Neverwhere). So I figured it was going to be about working on herself and needing help.

Nope. She broke up with my husband. She will continue living here because we don't want to shuttle the kids back and forth and all she would do is move back to the ghetto she used to live in so we are okay with her staying here. However, it's very hard on my husband. They may get back together at some point when she sorts some stuff out, but Neverwhere is saying he doesn't even want that now and that Amanda is too much work and poly is too much work.

Whereas just a few days ago he said if he and Amanda ever broke up, I could continue dating Mark and Nevewhere would find someone else because he truly believed in poly, just today he told me I would have to make a choice between him and Mark.

I am at a loss as to what to do. I don't know if it's the adjustment to his new meds. I don't know if he truly feels this way. I don't know if all that joy and happiness was fake (I find that hard to believe, knowing my husband like I do)... I just don't know. It could be because he quit drinking only a month and a half ago and maybe his brain is still healing from that... I just have no clue. And of course if I have to choose I will choose him, but... I have wanted this life for so long and Neverwhere was finally on board with it and seemed so happy.. I had everything I wanted. And now it's all getting ripped away from me and I don't know what to do.
--Jade, 31/f
Neverwhere - exH, we have a son together.
Amanda - Neverwhere's 1st wife and one of the reasons my marriage to him ended. They have three sons together.
Mark - Neverwhere's brother. We are dating. He is mono.
JBR - My boyfriend of 8 months, also poly, has kids, we live together.
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