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  #11  
Old 10-10-2013, 12:51 AM
UrbanDiplomat UrbanDiplomat is offline
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Originally Posted by london View Post
Be honest with what you want from the outset, I'd start by saying I want a polyamorous relationship.

Date people. Let your partner(s) date people.

One of the people you date might like both of you and you have a triad. Why close it though?

If not, you both have lots of fun, loving relationships anyway. Triad wasn't as necessary as first imagined.
I'd like a closed triad because it'd feel more intimate, at least that's how I feel about it. I like a sense of exclusivity (if that's a word) in a relationship.
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  #12  
Old 10-10-2013, 03:30 AM
PolyinPractice PolyinPractice is offline
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I like a sense of exclusivity (if that's a word) in a relationship.
There's nothing wrong with that. Poly can fall anywhere from what is little more than dating, but with more honesty (i.e. dating multiple people, very little commitment, all aware that you are dating others) to a multi-person marriage.
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  #13  
Old 10-10-2013, 03:39 AM
UrbanDiplomat UrbanDiplomat is offline
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Originally Posted by PolyinPractice View Post
There's nothing wrong with that. Poly can fall anywhere from what is little more than dating, but with more honesty (i.e. dating multiple people, very little commitment, all aware that you are dating others) to a multi-person marriage.
I like the idea of 3 people being committed to each other. It seems like a really powerful thing. There can be much adversity in life...having a duo to bring balance to a partner out of sorts, or happiness to a partner in celebration, would be amazing.
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  #14  
Old 10-10-2013, 03:45 AM
london london is offline
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3 people can be committed to each other without a restriction on them forming new commitments. What you seem to be looking for is people who are willing to sacrifice having other loves because you view that sacrifice as a sign of true commitment. I wouldn't want my loved ones to give up something that makes them happy to prove their devotion to me though. It just gives a false sense of security.
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  #15  
Old 10-13-2013, 12:23 AM
UrbanDiplomat UrbanDiplomat is offline
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Originally Posted by london View Post
3 people can be committed to each other without a restriction on them forming new commitments. What you seem to be looking for is people who are willing to sacrifice having other loves because you view that sacrifice as a sign of true commitment. I wouldn't want my loved ones to give up something that makes them happy to prove their devotion to me though. It just gives a false sense of security.
I had to think long and hard about this one. Everyone has to give up something to be happy in a group setting. What we choose to give up is up to us, individually. The goal in finding love with others is finding the person that doesn't make you feel like you have to give up too much of what drives your livelihood.

The type of person I'm looking for won't want to form any new commitments with others, or, will be satisfied enough in the one made with me so that their heart is content.

One could call me a hypocrite for wanting to express love for two women. But as was referenced earlier, it'd actually be 3 relationships. 3 relationships in which love is being expressed. Each person is expressing love to more than 1; I think that's a medium between our two perspectives.

I don't want to restrict someone's ability to love; I want us all to focus on who those feelings are expressed to. It's not for a sense of security, but to feel special (better, greater, or otherwise different from what is usual).
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  #16  
Old 10-13-2013, 01:06 AM
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Marcus Marcus is offline
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The type of person I'm looking for won't want to form any new commitments with others, or, will be satisfied enough in the one made with me so that their heart is content
You sound like you are set on your concept of the relationship you will accept. Rigidity when it comes to romantic relations is probably not going to help you find a healthy and flourishing relationship. Currently you are looking for these two perfect puzzle pieces to fit into your life and no other puzzle pieces will do. I suggest moving in the opposite direction and enjoy people for what they are and refrain from letting your insecurities dictate what kind of arrangement you will accept.

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Originally Posted by UrbanDiplomat View Post
One could call me a hypocrite for wanting to express love for two women. But as was referenced earlier, it'd actually be 3 relationships. 3 relationships in which love is being expressed. Each person is expressing love to more than 1; I think that's a medium between our two perspectives.
One could call you a hypocrite but I'm not sure that exactly applies here, because you are looking to give yourself the same restriction they are. I would put it no stronger than being insecure and in denial about it and forcing a relationship arrangement that will allow you to continue being in denial about your insecurities.

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It's not for a sense of security, but to feel special (better, greater, or otherwise different from what is usual).
Someone being romantically exclusive to you so that you can feel like the unique love of their life, better and greater than any other relationship in their lives... this doesn't sound like it is to build a sense of security? What about one of your dream bi-babes dating someone else throws a monkey wrench in this dream of yours?
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  #17  
Old 10-13-2013, 01:06 AM
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Natja Natja is offline
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What if they feel they are focused enough? Whatever, it's entirely theoretical and unlikely to even happen given the general lack of successful triads and widespread dislike of Unicorn Hunting. So, enjoy the chat but don't spend to much time focused on a fantasy.
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  #18  
Old 10-13-2013, 03:35 AM
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Dagferi Dagferi is offline
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Good luck on your search... You are going to need it.
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  #19  
Old 10-13-2013, 03:46 AM
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Murasaki Murasaki is offline
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Originally Posted by Marcus View Post
Quote:
Originally Posted by UrbanDiplomat View Post
The type of person I'm looking for won't want to form any new commitments with others, or, will be satisfied enough in the one made with me so that their heart is content.
You sound like you are set on your concept of the relationship you will accept. [b]Rigidity when it comes to romantic relations is probably not going to help you find a healthy and flourishing relationship.[/r] Currently you are looking for these two perfect puzzle pieces to fit into your life and no other puzzle pieces will do. I suggest moving in the opposite direction and enjoy people for what they are and refrain from letting your insecurities dictate what kind of arrangement you will accept.
Iím with Marcus here. Thinking from the mono perspective that is a very rigid lifestyle choice. it works for maybe half of society. meaning that there are how many poly peoples, and how many divorces?

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Originally Posted by Marcus View Post
Quote:
Originally Posted by UrbanDiplomat View Post
I don't want to restrict someone's ability to love; I want us all to focus on who those feelings are expressed to. It's not for a sense of security, but to feel special (better, greater, or otherwise different from what is usual).
Someone being romantically exclusive to you so that you can feel like the unique love of their life, better and greater than any other relationship in their lives... this doesn't sound like it is to build a sense of security? What about one of your dream bi-babes dating someone else throws a monkey wrench in this dream of yours?
And again Iím with Marcus, this reads as one of many insecurities, maybe a fear of becoming jealous, of losing the love of your (currently) fictional women.

You have said you are not new to poly, but if you want some resources on how to work through insecurity, and jealousy I suggest you do a search here, and read the Morethantwo.com articles.
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LTR SO - Kuroi - Straight (broken up-not sure what we are now)
Child of Murasaki & Kuroi - Momoiroi

In LTR of 20 years, married for 13 years to Kuroi
Didn't realize we had a poly type relationship in High school. Exploring poly again now that our Child is older.
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  #20  
Old 10-13-2013, 04:55 PM
UrbanDiplomat UrbanDiplomat is offline
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Iím with Marcus here. Thinking from the mono perspective that is a very rigid lifestyle choice. it works for maybe half of society. meaning that there are how many poly peoples, and how many divorces?


And again Iím with Marcus, this reads as one of many insecurities, maybe a fear of becoming jealous, of losing the love of your (currently) fictional women.

You have said you are not new to poly, but if you want some resources on how to work through insecurity, and jealousy I suggest you do a search here, and read the Morethantwo.com articles.
Noted.
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