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Old 10-11-2013, 03:21 PM
susiuzi susiuzi is offline
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Join Date: Sep 2013
Posts: 4
Default Problems in my new poly world

Hello everybody,

First of all I would like to apoligise because english is not my first lenguage, so I may not explain myself with the correct words...

Anyway, here I am, new in this poly world and at the moment my head and my feelings are just a mess. And i think i need some advice because i'm not doing well on my own at the moment.

Ok, I've been with my boyfriend for seven years, we have a very solid relationship, we love each other very much, we live and work together and, for those seven years, we are been with each other almost 24hrs a day, and we've never had any problem with that. In the past he had a poly relationship with his exwife an another girl, they where together for some time but at the end it didn't work out. I knew about that and it wasn't a problem with me, i'm a very open-minded person and even when I never had any poly relationship, i always been open to new experiences.

In our relationship we never had any plans on been poly, we where together and we both where very happy about it, but a few months ago everything started to change. Last june, my boyfriend felt that he had a very strong conection with one of our costumers, bit by bit they where getting more close each other, to the point that she started to work for us. Since beginning of july she was with us constantly, she was working with us, she was coming all the weekends to our country house and, at the end, she moved to live in our flat. She is a great girl, she is clever, funny, smart and very attractive. We are very similar in the way we think and we act so it was very difficult for me not to like her and not to accept the situation.

We all where just been friends until her and my boyfriend confess each other their attraction. I knew about it, i always been informed of everything, there is not been secrets. At one point in august we had a very nice conversation about how everyone was feeling and i told them that was fine for me if we all where having a boyfriend-girlfriend-girlfriend relationship. I'm always been atracted to girls too and, as i said, she is great and i though that everybody would be very happy. But she is not into girls and, she said that she loves me very much but just as a friend, and that was fine to me, i can't force anybody. If she is making my boyfriend happy, i'm happy with that too.

To all that my boyfriend, carried away for the feelings of a new romantic relation is not been as much with me. I understand that this is a normal situation in those cases but i feel lonely. I feel jelous too, i read so many posts about it that i'm convinced that that is one of my problems too. Because he spends more time with her and they have so much fun together i started to think that he's not going to love me anymore. Again, i know that is a common feeling too. I talk to him and her many times about it, they always say that they love me very much, that they want me with them and if i'm more on my own is because i wanted to, no because they are pushing me away. All pretty normal and confuse for me.

I though that the 3 could be more close, not just living together and sharing life, i though that at some point she would be more open to try to be more sexualy intimate with me but, as they get closer and closer, looks like that possibility is not going to happen. So, seeing them too getting in love, seeing how nice is the feeling of a new romantic relationship i though on start dating myself. We had a chat all together about it and, while she was understanding and happy with the idea of me dating new people, my boyfriend went all angry with me saying that, he wasn't happy with that idea, that if i was willing to do that, it was going to bring problems to the relationship. So I'm not allowd to have any other boyfriends or girlfriends. Obviously, she isn't aloud too.

He is the man of my life, my love and my best friend and I know he loves me very much too, and doesn't want to lose me but i'm feeling pretty alone at the moment, i never had plans to change my relationship that way, i never expected that something like that could happen. I've been open and caring with both, trying to not get upset, trying to understand the excitment that they are living at the moment.

Can anybody give me any advice? Is it normal that only one in the relationship is aloud to be poly? anybody had the same problem as i do? I can talk about the jelousy in another moment but, for now, the one that is bothering me more is the fact that i have to see them having fun, kisses, cuddles, hours of sex and i'm not aloud do the same thing.... Help, please!
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Tags
boyfriend, girlfriend, male privilege, not aloud, opp/ovp, poly, problems

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