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  #51  
Old 10-01-2013, 01:27 AM
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Well, Wednesday should be my last day, and that means just light spotting anyway. I am interested to try it, for sure.
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  #52  
Old 10-02-2013, 11:26 AM
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I was supposed to sleep in today, but I woke up at the asscrack of dawn and now I am just !AWAKE! and can't do anything about it. Sigh.

I have a pretty hefty to-do list today, and right now I am procrastinating brain research. I teach a co-op homeschool class most Thursdays, and this month I am lead on a class about the brain. I have 4 sheep brains chilling in my refrigerator, so tomorrow the 11 teens I teach will be doing some dissection, but other than that, I have no curriculum set yet. I really should not have left it until the last minute, but I am still not motivated to do anything!

Monday I started teaching high school Chemistry 3 times a week, but that at least I have planned out for the year!

I messaged with M last night, and I guess he never directly addressed issues with his best friend. This made me a bit anxious, since that was the reason he had said he wanted to not do a make-up day with me on Tuesday. I didn't dwell on it though. Whatever, I guess. His friend will be coming over tonight to play pub trivia with M and I and some other friends. I am not thrilled about that though, because M said that he phrased it to his friend like it was mandatory. I don't know at all if his friend dislikes me personally or if it is just the whole idea of polyamory in general, but if he doesn't want to be there, I will be very uncomfortable. Trivia is something I really enjoy doing and I don't want that ruined for me. I mean, I am probably going to be guarded with my interactions with M now. I don't want to be, but I am going to be on edge. The friend's girlfriend will be there as well though, and she played trivia with me last week, loved it and is actually coming over to see me before trivia tonight. So maybe she can smooth things out as a bridge. I dunno.

My regular, long-term trivia team is slowly becoming more stressful. I play Tuesday nights usually, and lately I have just felt this undercurrent of tension between my friends. None of them ask me how I am doing, or about D or M. No one mentions M! And if I make a comment about him, or going to his town on a particular day, I see that they seem uncomfortable. I am starting to feel a bit on guard with them, and it makes me sad. I am going to try and make a more concerted effort to focus on those relationships in a positive way, so they can see this fact about me hasn't changed how we are with each other.

I am missing M a lot today. I did see him on Sunday, but 3 days is just about the maximum I can go without feeling disconnected from a partner. I need physical presence. I just do. Thankfully, I filled up my day with errands and work so I won't be sad that I'm not seeing him as usual. Well, I mean I will be sad - I am already - but I won't have time to wallow in it and instead will be focused on other activities in a more healthy way.

Edited to say that I finally uploaded a couple of pictures to my profile. They are from earlier this month though, prior to me cutting my hair and having bangs. For some reason, my newer photos flip sideways and I can't edit them here. Oh well!
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Last edited by Bluebird; 10-02-2013 at 11:52 AM.
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  #53  
Old 10-02-2013, 05:20 PM
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Got a couple of the short hair pics to behave in my profile. Feh.
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  #54  
Old 10-04-2013, 02:26 AM
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Wow. Can I just say again that sexy times with M are just SO incredible? We came back to my house after not winning trivia and decided we were way too tired to fool around, and we'd just snuggle. This also made sense since even though my period was on its last legs, I still was uh, brownish up there. So we snuggled, got comfortable, made out and then just let the dam burst and had sex until 2 am. No penetration, but crazy awesome feel good fun times. I believe that is the official name, no?

Then again this morning, where I woke him up, couldn't stop myself and just climbed on. The emotional sharing and love I feel for him is just as intense as the orgasms. I could watch him watching me for hours.

Tomorrow I was planning on seeing him for a couple hours while my daughter was at a laser tag birthday party, but plans have been in flux again. I am going to see him a wee bit earlier, and we are going to go to a 24 hour WarMachine event. I am already exhausted, so after I finish writing this I am going to crash hard.

My hubby and I had a romantic date tonight at a new cafe - we ate al fresco since it was such a beautiful night. Then we went to Starbucks and talked for about an hour. It was nice to reconnect with him after such a busy day today.

Tomorrow plans to be just as nuts - I am hoping to sleep in until 8, shower and then do a crap ton of errands, before teaching Chemistry. Then more errands and time with M at the WarMachine Event.

Sunday I will probably sleep most of the day!
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  #55  
Old 10-05-2013, 11:13 PM
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M won the WarMa event and I learned lots! It was a lot of anxiety for me at first, because it was a room full of guys and I'd only played a few times previously. So, I felt like everyone was watching me. As the night progressed though, I didn't much care anymore. Lol I made tons of stupid mistakes, but I can say that I felt that during the very last game, I started feeling confident. Yay me!

M is planning to come over on Wednesday and bring his Khador army, because at the moment, that is who I think I am most interested in purchasing myself. We will see!

I met a really nice younger guy last night. I felt like we hit it off well - he was very friendly and gave me good advice. He made some jokes about me being poly and told me he had an SUV right outside. Heh. I told him that poly doesn't mean promiscuous. Honestly, he was young and very nerdy, but geeky guys have always appealed to me. That said, it wasn't even real flirting, and don't anticipate anything coming of our meeting. M and I joked about this guy liking me on the beginning of our drive home though. It felt nice to feel attractive, even if it was to a tabletop gaming.guy.

The rest of the drive home didn't go as well as we were both exhausted. I had to pullover and let M drive. After we got to his house, he made me promise to go to the park and ride and sleep some in my van before going home, but I didn't. In retrospect, I absolutely should have, but I made it home ok. D said I was crying, emotional and insistent that he message M and tell him that I was home safe, and that there were hobos at the park and ride. Then apparently I passed out in the bed almost instantly.

Guess pulling overnighters isn't something I can do with gracefulness anymore.

D was upset and wanted to know why I wouldn't go sleep on M's couch - how could he just let me leave when I was clearly in no shape to drive? I told him the truth - M's wife has been very clear that she is uncomfortable with the idea of me being in her house because she is self-conscious about their housing being less than ideal. D said he thought it would have been less than ideal if I had wrecked the van. I told him though, that the decision to drive in that state was my own and to not be upset.

I definitely won't be doing that again though. Holy crap. Next time, hotel all the way!
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  #56  
Old 10-07-2013, 04:50 PM
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Just wanted to make a note of some interesting things that I've heard about my ex-boyfriend. The other night at trivia, he told my husband that he thought my new haircut was great and that I was looking really good. D said he was very surprised, because they weren't talking about me at all, and there was nothing that he could see had prompted him to start a conversation about me. Whatever. This was the guy who told me I was overweight and very unattractive to him, and that he had been forcing himself to try and like me.

Then, when I was at the WarMachine overnight, he brought my son home from work (he is buddy-buddy with my 24 year old son and my husband!). Apparently he made comments then about me being out all night with a guy. Again, whatever.

M says he thinks my ex is regretting breaking up with me and wants me back. I don't think that is the case. I think he is just amazed I have been able to keep M interested. Like, he doesn't want to date me, but he thinks I should stay monogamous with D.
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  #57  
Old 10-08-2013, 03:42 AM
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I'm so glad overnights with M are working out and the diaphragm too. Keep posting I love the updates!!!
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  #58  
Old 10-08-2013, 11:38 AM
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You need to update too, Ali!

Well, today is the 2 month marker for M and I. He is sick, but feeling better today, and hopefully we will be spending the day together tomorrow. The night too. He and his wife are buying a working car tomorrow - when I pick him up, I will be transporting her to the dealership.

This weekend I am hoping for us to get a hotel room either Friday or Saturday night, but our finances are all wonky because of the government shutdown. My husband is still getting a paycheck, but we get cash from the Feds in the middle of the month for other reasons, and there's a possibility it won't show. So, things are up in the air about our weekend. I hope M is feeling better by then and the money shows up like it is supposed to do! I want a hot tub suite!

There is a poly meetup in DC at the end of the month that I wanted to go to, but again, finances might stop that from happening. I have only marked it in my mind, but when I see M and H tomorrow, I am going to mention it. I think it would be fun to attend with H.
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  #59  
Old 10-09-2013, 10:07 AM
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A guy at trivia that I like and respect called me a cheater last night. Ugh. My friends and I were seated next to the bar, and he came over and asked if we were all married, because one of us was making a joke about us being trophy wives. (All of us are stay at home moms who don't work.) When I said I was married, but open, he asked, "What do you mean?"

I said, "I have a husband and a boyfriend."

He said, " Oh, you're a cheater."

"No, my husband knows and is ok with it."

"A cheater."

Ugh. The conversation ended at that point because trivia started up again, but it soured some of the night for me, that's for sure.

Oh well, if I have time next week, I will talk to him, but it isn't as if we are close. If he is determined to be ignorant though, I'm not sure if I care to even try to accomplish anything. Still, it sucks to suddenly be called dishonest. I wasn't expecting that. A good reminder that being poly isn't mainstream in my neck of the woods!
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  #60  
Old 10-10-2013, 05:48 PM
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People like to use their own definitions, regardless of what the words actually mean.

I'm sorry you had to deal with that ignorance.
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