The thing is, other than the financial benifits and the security of the kids, What does being married matter? I will care and love for LR anyways. Im commited to her and will remain so. So honestly, what besides mortal worldly benefits ,does a piece of paper and a cerimony mean?
@Maca, it is hard. In figuring this shit out ourselves, the answer I came up with, and I suspect K and Z agree, is that the social recognition of marriage is what matters. We want a public ceremony with our families and friends in which everyone agrees, "S and K are getting married. They plan on being together for the rest of their lives, and we support them in that intention."
I feel like I'm especially craving that support and recognition from the people in our lives because what we're doing romantically is so controversial. We're already out to a majority of the wedding guests, and we're seriously weighing coming out to the rest. (Basically, that means coming out to K's and my extended families, some of whom are conservative politically and/or religiously-- our immediate families and friends know about Z already.) That's also why I want Z and I to have a wedding in a few years, even if it carries no legal benefit: it's important to us that the people we care about are able to show support for us, and the life we are leading. I'm also appreciative of how the social institution of marriages and weddings gives us a venue for requesting that kind of support!