Some Things Some People Need To Hear

[NeonKaos]

Originally Posted by MonoVCPHG

I haven't even opened up the link so we're good! What's CF stand for?

No, I didn't mean "enemies" as in people from this site. I meant "enemies" as in Joreth's LJ fans/friends.

I suppose I could blog about "oppression" and "censorship" every time I have a post deleted by the mods over at customerssuck.com. But I recognize that they are doing the job they signed up to do... Although the owner of that forum maintains a presence which Olivier does not do here, but that's just a detail and does not change the reality that we as moderators are not here to provide customer service to members of the forum.

"CF" stands for "child-free" and refers to someone who has made a conscious choice to not become a parent. It is a way of making a distinction from "childLESS" which refers to people who want to be parents but for whatever reason do not do so.

Originally Posted by Ceoli

I am often disappointed by the culture of this forum, which seems to view disagreements as attacks and seems to hold a high double standard for what is hostile or not.

I would have "squelched" any post that said "fuck you" to someone. And I would handle this situation exactly the same way if I had to do it all over again.

Some things are subjective and one person's passive-aggressive can be another person's dry sense of humor. I don't see what there is to gain by saying that to someone other than to get them to say "fuck you" back.

I've never seen you say "fuck you" to anybody on this forum and you manage quite well. It's this little thing called "self-control". Some people have it, some don't.

[MonoVCPHG]

Having been on here for almost a year I have seen people come and go. Some left because thier relationships crumbled, others because they did not recieve the approval they were looking for in thier shitty behavior and some because they stood out as disruptive elements in every thread they touched. I also took a short break because of the "bullying" tactics of others. This forum has been a great place for people who communicate with honesty and respect. I don't think that will change and look forward to continued particiaption by mature respectful people.

[Ceoli]

Originally Posted by YGirl

I would have "squelched" any post that said "fuck you" to someone. And I would handle this situation exactly the same way if I had to do it all over again.

I'm talking about the general culture and not that specific incident. Whether or not that post was "squelched" or not, or even if the post in question never existed, it wouldn't change my feelings about it.

[rolypoly]

Originally Posted by Ceoli

I am often disappointed by the culture of this forum

I have no idea what's going on in here, so I can't say much more. I also feel disappointed on here sometimes. I tried reading through the primary secondary thread because I thought it might relate to some of what I was feeling and seemed to come into a heated argument, so turned away.

If I had 3 times to live this life, in one of them, I'd be a mediator.

[Ceoli]

Originally Posted by MonoVCPHG

Having been on here for almost a year I have seen people come and go. Some left because thier relationships crumbled, others because they did not recieve the approval they were looking for in thier shitty behavior and some because they stood out as disruptive elements in every thread they touched. I also took a short break because of the "bullying" tactics of others. This forum has been a great place for people who communicate with honesty and respect. I don't think that will change and look forward to continued particiaption by mature respectful people.

Interesting. I know many honest and respectful people who have left this forum because they have felt there is no room for that on this forum.

I suppose some will just choose to make that fact irrelevant so that they can see things the way they want to see things.

[MonoVCPHG]

Originally Posted by Ceoli

Interesting. I know many honest and respectful people who have left this forum because they have felt there is no room for that on this forum.

I suppose some will just choose to make that fact irrelevant so that they can see things the way they want to see things.

Yes, it's a shame we lost some good ones.

[Ceoli]

Originally Posted by MonoVCPHG

Yes, it's a shame we lost some good ones.

And you are the authority about who are the good ones and who aren't?

Interesting.

That is very selective welcoming indeed. I suppose that supports my point and lends more justifications to how I feel about the culture of this forum.

[MonoVCPHG]

Originally Posted by Ceoli

And you are the authority about who are the good ones and who aren't?

Interesting.

That is very selective welcoming indeed. I suppose that supports my point and lends more justifications to how I feel about the culture of this forum.

Wow! You're ability to read innacurately into my comments rivals my ability to read into yours LOL!

I never made that claim did I? Feel free to quote me where I did if you wish to make your point valid. Sticking to black and white would serve better in making your response more logical than emotional.

[Ravenesque]

Originally Posted by YGirl

I would have "squelched" any post that said "fuck you" to someone. And I would handle this situation exactly the same way if I had to do it all over again.

Some things are subjective and one person's passive-aggressive can be another person's dry sense of humor. I don't see what there is to gain by saying that to someone other than to get them to say "fuck you" back.

I've never seen you say "fuck you" to anybody on this forum and you manage quite well. It's this little thing called "self-control". Some people have it, some don't.

That leads to a rather circular discussion involving subjectivity.

The term is "double standard." And when it comes to subjectivity, the playing field is the property of the moderators here. This includes the belief that some forms of insulting someone are better than other forms. Snideness, belittling, etc, are fine when done by the right people. "Certain members." Whoever happens to be friendly and share the same belief system with whoever.

I was held to blame for the obnoxious behavior of others simply for stating in one line my experience with *gasp* another forum. When other members actually created threads transparently to attack other groups, no moderation.

There is a glaring lack of certain members being held accountable for their words and posts in contrast to other members.

It is all up for "interpretation" and the "interpretation" of certain people are weighed above others.

I've already experienced the double standard here as have others.

As for expressing anger, there is nothing wrong with it and it is an absurd but often seen cop out stance by others to withdraw from discussion, shut down, or even go the extreme distance of "I'm attacked!" when others express the emotion.

I am very happy I found this online: The Uses of Anger by Audre Lorde.

This applies to situations like this. I already I have Sister Outsider.

Originally Posted by MonoVCPHG

I haven't even opened up the link so we're good!

Originally Posted by MonoVCPHG

Yes, it's a shame we lost some good ones.

A glimpse of the dominant culture of the forum perhaps. Close the ears to differing views. Don't even look. And qualify the individuals that agree with you as the "good ones." Seems about right. Thank you for illustrating that Mono.

~Raven~

[MonoVCPHG]

Glad to help you out Raven. Take it easy