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  #1  
Old 09-27-2013, 01:05 AM
PolyPaganHim PolyPaganHim is offline
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Default Totally freaking out.

OK, quick history. The wife and I are new with poly and just opened our marriage a month or two ago. She is having far more success then I. Tonight is her first date with another man and I'm losing my shit. Its not jealousy, its not anger. I'm not quite sure what it is, but I'm totally anxious, and nervous about the whole situation. I am very happy for her and hope it works out. I dunno really. I guess I just needed to get it out. I really don't have anyone to talk to about these things. But I got y'all and that's awesome.

Thoughts and advise are encouraged. Does this eventually subside or go away?
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Old 09-27-2013, 01:31 AM
pulliman pulliman is offline
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Hey. It gets better.

Tonight, my wife is on a date with her (our) other partner, I'm at home with the kids, kind of bored, kind of distracting myself, kind of keeping on while really wishing I was there with them. (Okay, my situation is different from yours in that we're a pretty tight triad, but the feeling of being alone at night - tonight - is pretty similar.)

There are a bunch of resources on the site, meaning a bunch of stories of folks in your shoes. Something to think about: if you're really happy that this is happening, focus on that. If you're anxious about what she's doing, name it and work out the worst case scenario. It won't turn out that way. Trust me: the worst case scenarios are absurd; we humans are built to think of absurd worst case scenarios. If you're feeling jealous, ask yourself what is going on that you wish you were part of (date night removed from the cares of your marriage? arrange one with your wife!).

The point is, there are lots of solutions to the anxieties that you're feeling. Nothing connects you to your raw self like moments like this. It's not easy, but it's worth the effort.

And when she comes home, greet her in peace and calmness. Let the love you have speak out. Ask her, without fear, if she's happy - if you need details get them, if you don't need them, kiss her as hard as you can, and find to your strength with each other. She didn't leave you tonight, she just happens not to be there. It's not that big a deal. It really does get better.
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Old 09-27-2013, 02:36 AM
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Marcus Marcus is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by PolyPaganHim View Post
Tonight is her first date with another man and I'm losing my shit. Its not jealousy, its not anger. I'm not quite sure what it is, but I'm totally anxious, and nervous about the whole situation. I am very happy for her and hope it works out. I dunno really. I guess I just needed to get it out. I really don't have anyone to talk to about these things. But I got y'all and that's awesome.
If it's not jealousy or envy, and you are happy for her... I'd say it's just something new which is causing general anxiety. Like being a kid on the first day of school, it's just good old fashioned excitement from the unknown.

Is that what it is? If so, there is no solution for that lol
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Old 09-27-2013, 12:25 PM
GalaGirl GalaGirl is offline
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It takes time for the "new normal" to become normal.

What's the anxious about? Fear of the unknown? Something else?

GG
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Old 09-30-2013, 02:15 PM
gorgeouskitten gorgeouskitten is offline
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it gets easier, i know this was a few days ago and I hope you made it through the night well and your wife had a nife date. My spouse and I have only been doing this six months, saturday I had an overnight with my BF and tomorrow my spouse has a date and we are at a place where we are happy for each other. it took a little time and adjusting, but you'll get there
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Old 09-30-2013, 05:20 PM
PolyPaganHim PolyPaganHim is offline
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Hey thanks Yall for the advise and kind words. After sittting down and talking to her about it. I found, that its the emptiness. Her energy was missing, when it normally is there. Even when she is out at her moms, or with other friends, I still feel the same. Now that I realize what is missing, I can fill that void. She has another date with him (R) on Wed, and I have a plan to fill the void. It should be a lot easier this time. Again thanks for your advise and POV.
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