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Old 09-29-2013, 07:31 PM
InsaneMystic InsaneMystic is offline
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Join Date: Nov 2012
Posts: 261

It's not your business or responsibility what happens between these two people; that's their relationship (and boy does it sound messed up, IYAM), not yours.

What is your responsibility, however, is answering the question of whether you want to be a part of the drama caused by a guy whose idea of "poly" seems to be "cheat, until the women I'm with give up being a bitch about it". Other partners of his hating your guts pretty much comes as the logical price tag attached to this; if you choose to be part of this sitch, I suppose you will more or less have to learn sucking it up. Like it or not, you are the one he cheats on his monogamous partner with - you're having an affair that got busted open; you are not in an actual conscious, honest, and ethical polyamorous arrangement (he may well have made you think otherwise; that just makes him a douchebag, IMO). You, and you alone, can decide if being with him is worth this price.

EDIT: Checked the OP again, apparently it's not exactly an "affair that got busted open"; sorry, I got that bit wrong... still, it all sounds so lacking in informed, honest consent that it might as well be.

Originally Posted by GalaGirl View Post
Correction -- he could dump her any time. He just doesn't, and blameshifts. [etc.]
Also, this post. All of it.

Last edited by InsaneMystic; 09-29-2013 at 08:40 PM.
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Old 09-30-2013, 12:29 AM
WhatHappened WhatHappened is offline
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Join Date: Feb 2012
Posts: 918

I'm not terribly impressed with the way this guy is treating his girlfriend. Doesn't say much for his character. Is that really someone you want to be with? Sooner or later, he'll treat you with the same disregard.
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Old 09-30-2013, 03:38 AM
KerrBear KerrBear is offline
Join Date: Apr 2013
Posts: 60

They need to deal with this first before you get much more involved. I've had a pretty similar experience. I was seeing him and he had a long distance gf that he didn't tell me about. As soon as I found out, I contacted her directly and talked about it. She was not okay with us being together although he was trying desperately to get her to be okay with a poly relationship with me and whatever. In the end he said he wanted a future with her because she can give him kids and family and I couldn't do that for him. That seemed like an easy enough answer to me. I broke it off with him. It sucked, he was my first poly relationship but whatever. Honestly, he wasn't that good of a catch anyway.

Now she is up here. I like her a lot and I'm still friendly with my ex, but I laugh to myself because now that I see him with clear eyes (not in NRE) he's rather a loser and I feel like I cheated myself for having something with him to begin with.

So yeah. I'd say break it off and let them deal with their crap. There are plenty more fish in the sea and this one probably isn't nothing more than a sucker in a trout stream.
Me: 30. New to Poly but previous swinger for roughly 4 years. Married since 2008 but together since 2007.

Husband: Mid 30's. Swinger.

Boyfriend is a Muslim and we're in a LDR since July of 2014.
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jealous metamours, mono, poly, the other woman

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