How the heck did I end up here? Never dreamed I'd be associating with any polyamorous anything. I've been with my husband for 38 years and we've been married for 33 years. We got into swinging about three years ago...looking for adventure. Overall, we had very positive experiences as swingers, and I particularly enjoyed making contact with people and exploring the possibility of having sexual experiences. There was one couple, who lived near us, who became friends and whom we saw regularly. We also had another couple we saw rather regularly for about a year. We enjoyed going to clubs and parties to socialize with other couples and occasionally hook up. Six months ago we went to a club and met a new couple. The four way connection was instantaneous and intense. We had never had such a connection with another couple. In a few weeks, my husband informed me that he had lost interest in being with any other woman except this new woman. As much as I was into the guy, I found this very threatening because of the emotional implications. I saw it as the end of our swinging life and the entrance to polyamory, which seemed like a crazy, dangerous path. I fought with my husband about his feelings and talked openly with the other guy about my emotional struggles. It was a tumultuous time for me, with lots of tears and confusion. About a month or so into the relationship, I agreed to having an exclusive relationship. My boyfriend's patience and support and understanding kept me seeking a way to embrace what we had, as frightening as I found it. I couldn't imagine a life without him in it, and yet I struggled with all that implied. Jealousy and fear were constantly cropping up for me. Open communication for the group and acceptance of my feelings by everyone involved, finally brought me to where I am today....in love with two men. I had been saying for months that we were no longer in the lifestyle, but were actually polyamorous. It was just recently that the group embraced this fact, which came as relief to me...finally calling what we have, exactly what it is.