Do new relationship affect old ones? or do old one affect new ones?-Couple Privilege
I was originally going to include a couple threads as context, but changed my mind. It is not my intention for anyone to feel as though I’m calling them out, or anything negative like that. Simply put I have seen this topic come up in various threads, and I have seen several different opinions set out by posters. What I would like to do here is get more posters to weigh in on these concepts/ideas. I’m interested in learning what people who associate with poly, and poly culture think and feel on this somewhat touchy subject. I’m hoping to get more opinions grouped together in one place for consideration by those who enjoy reading these forums.
This is meant to be a discussion, not an argument for whose idea, opinion, or belief is better. So please let us readers know your thoughts on this. Thanks
So which one is it?
Does a new relationship affect your current relationship? or is it the other way around, and the current relationship affects the new one?
Does a relationship have inherent privileges, rights, responsibilities, and expectations? Or do those grow as the relationship grows? Does starting a new relationship reduce, or remove the privileges, rights, responsibilities, and expectations of the longer term relationship(s)? Does the newest relationship have the “right” to say hey I want this, and telling me “not now” is couple privilege? Or is it acceptable for the longer-term relationship to stick to their expectations of each other, and allow their relationship to organically grow to include the newest relationship at a rate that works for the longer-term “couple”? Or does the newer relationship get to dictate the speed at which the longer-term dyad must change to accommodate it?
Basically all the above questions as the same thing. When in a relationship, and starting a new relationship which one is more affected? Which one should be more considerate of the other? Are there reasons why one relationship might have different rules, and responsibilities than another?
What rules, privileges, responsibilities, and expectations do you have in your various relationships and did those relationship start with those roles? or did they grow to include them, or did you have a relationship that had to adjust itself to accommodate changes to the roles it had?
Anyone have any resources for more info on couple privilege? I have read a little bit on this forum about it, but would like more education on the subject. (Yes I have done a google search, but that is not the same as receive an educational resource recommended by someone within this community)
On Privilege (more general than Couple privilege and maybe less volatile in this forum).
In closing I think everyone involved should be considerate, and thoughtful towards each other person. I feel that every relationship will affect every other relationship to some degree. Of course the more “solo” poly style is less likely (from description I have seen) to have major overlap affect the relationships, I still see some effects (such as time constraints changing as relationship come and go). Each poly style will likely have varying degrees of overlap, and difference in how much one relationship is likely to affect another. This discussion isn’t meant to be about your poly style, it’s meant to be about how your relationship affect each other. (speaking in terms where one dyad sees a negative affect and relates it to another dyad)
Me - Murasaki - Bi/pan
LTR SO - Kuroi - Straight (broken up-not sure what we are now)
Child of Murasaki & Kuroi - Momoiroi
In LTR of 20 years, married for 13 years to Kuroi
Didn't realize we had a poly type relationship in High school. Exploring poly again now that our Child is older.
|couple privilege, privilege, responsibility|