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  #531  
Old 09-23-2013, 08:13 PM
WhatToDo WhatToDo is offline
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Strangely enough the person who I met on there and I had an extremely low comparability percentage and its worked out very well. The opposites attract type of thing.
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  #532  
Old 09-25-2013, 10:51 PM
KerrBear KerrBear is offline
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I have an OKCupid profile. I haven't checked it in ages because I'm not sure yet if my relationship is completely ready for another person, even though I feel like I am ready for one.

So I just don't fall into temptation.
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  #533  
Old 09-28-2013, 08:24 PM
LoveBunny LoveBunny is offline
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Default online dating advice needed

I'm trying online dating for the first time in my life, and I need a little help with "netiquette." Some is generic to any online daters, but for numbers 3 and 4 I need people on this board specifically:

1) How long do you message someone online before it should move into telephone/skyping/meeting depending on which you prefer?

2) If you are not particularly physically attracted to someone's pictures, but not repulsed, is it worth it to meet in person? She would be driving for a few hours to meet with me, so I'd hate to have her come and then I'm blasé about her. I have no intention of getting with anyone unless I'm feeling Passion with a capital "P."

3) My profile explains I'm married, husband knows I date outside the marriage, but he will not be involved. The woman I'm talking to has a long-distance boyfriend who allows her to date women. By about our fourth message, I decided to give her the gritty details of my level of experience in bisexuality/non-monogamy, and my current arrangement with my husband. I wanted to make sure the situation was acceptable to her so there'd be no misaligned expectations. I asked for details about her level of experience with women and open relationships. Now I'm wondering if I should have waited to discuss all that until AFTER we were fairly certain there was an attraction. I'm worried that saying so much so soon projected a level of intention I don't necessarily feel (like I'm definitely wanting to have relations with this woman.) Thoughts?

4) I don't want to lie on my profiles. But I feel embarrassed putting my own income, which isn't much, so I put my household income instead, which relies on my husband's salary. Without him, I'd be near poverty level. I love the work I do, but it's not a big money maker and comes with zero benefits. So...my salary or my household salary? Remember, these women are dating me only. Husband will have no involvement (his choice.)

Last edited by LoveBunny; 09-28-2013 at 08:27 PM.
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  #534  
Old 09-28-2013, 08:45 PM
MonoMale MonoMale is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by LoveBunny View Post
I'm trying online dating for the first time in my life, and I need a little help with "netiquette." Some is generic to any online daters, but for numbers 3 and 4 I need people on this board specifically:

1) How long do you message someone online before it should move into telephone/skyping/meeting depending on which you prefer?

2) If you are not particularly physically attracted to someone's pictures, but not repulsed, is it worth it to meet in person? She would be driving for a few hours to meet with me, so I'd hate to have her come and then I'm blasé about her. I have no intention of getting with anyone unless I'm feeling Passion with a capital "P."

3) My profile explains I'm married, husband knows I date outside the marriage, but he will not be involved. The woman I'm talking to has a long-distance boyfriend who allows her to date women. By about our fourth message, I decided to give her the gritty details of my level of experience in bisexuality/non-monogamy, and my current arrangement with my husband. I wanted to make sure the situation was acceptable to her so there'd be no misaligned expectations. I asked for details about her level of experience with women and open relationships. Now I'm wondering if I should have waited to discuss all that until AFTER we were fairly certain there was an attraction. I'm worried that saying so much so soon projected a level of intention I don't necessarily feel (like I'm definitely wanting to have relations with this woman.) Thoughts?

4) I don't want to lie on my profiles. But I feel embarrassed putting my own income, which isn't much, so I put my household income instead, which relies on my husband's salary. Without him, I'd be near poverty level. I love the work I do, but it's not a big money maker and comes with zero benefits. So...my salary or my household salary? Remember, these women are dating me only. Husband will have no involvement (his choice.)
Is it really necessary to put your salary of any kind on your profile?

I've never heard/seen of anyone doing that and it doesn't strike me as being particularly important when you're dating. I certainly wouldn't put that so publicly.
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  #535  
Old 09-28-2013, 08:50 PM
LoveBunny LoveBunny is offline
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OkCupid asks for it, I think others too. I'm not just sticking it in my profile randomly. I'm sure its important to some people--they want to know you will be able to go the places they go and afford it, they want to know you won't show up on their doorstep broke, dirty and hungry, etc....
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  #536  
Old 09-28-2013, 08:55 PM
MonoMale MonoMale is offline
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Wow, UK dating sites don't have a part for income/salary. The general view is that your finances are no-one elses business and people tend to not nose into that. There's the underlying assumption, I guess, that an adult on a dating site can pay for things.

Perhaps America has a different view?

But I still think no-one needs to know and people can easily inflate their finances anyway, so it becomes pointless posturing.
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  #537  
Old 09-28-2013, 09:16 PM
Atlantis Atlantis is offline
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1) I have been know to email in the morning and meet the same day. Did it 2 weeks ago actually. The longest I would go is about 1 month, if we can't match up schedules in that time then it is probably not going to happen. It took a month to meet Prof as he was traveling for work. Yo about 3 weeks and Kip a week.
2) The pictures, tricky question. Prof looks nothing like his pics, Kip's pic was 6 years old. I didn't think much of Yo's pics at all but met him cause he seemed on the same humor wavelength. None of them had a mustache, I wouldn't meet someone with a mustache or beard. Passion can take a while to develop, I wouldn't count someone out after the first meeting if I didn't want to jump their bones then and there.
3) I am slow at giving out too much personal info for the reasons you describe, but it is a case-by-case thing.
4) You can leave the income section blank. Income is not as important as actually having a job too me. I supported my unemployed-by-choice ex for years. I am done with that!
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  #538  
Old 09-29-2013, 12:06 AM
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Emm Emm is offline
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From memory, there's a "Prefer not to say" option for income on OKC.
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  #539  
Old 09-29-2013, 12:41 AM
Eponine Eponine is offline
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Most (if not all) of the OKC profile questions are optional. Just don't choose anything, and it will show up as a " - ". I never put my salary there. I think the info about salary is mostly useful to people who want to find a marriage partner. For poly people who are already married or people don't intend to marry at all, it's not really important.
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Last edited by Eponine; 09-29-2013 at 12:58 AM.
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  #540  
Old 09-29-2013, 12:57 AM
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Bluebird Bluebird is offline
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1) I waited about a week on each of the 2 guys I was seriously messaging with on OKC before meeting them in person.

2) I was not at all attracted to my boyfriend's pictures. In fact, I didn't message him because of them. However, he messaged me and we had such a good conversation - like 60 emails in a week - I decided I would meet him. He was cuter in person. I did not have an instant spark, but I liked him well enough to say yes to a second date. On the 2nd date, I was struck by lightning and thought he was the best thing ever. My first OKC guy, we went on 2 dates total, and I never felt a spark, but I would have given him a 3rd date if my boyfriend and I hadn't exploded with lust for each other.

3) eh. This is up to you, and varies by situation. The first OKC guy, he had asked questions about the type of poly I was searching for, but we didn't get deep into specifics until we were actually on our first date. With my boyfriend, we talked about everything prior to meeting, because well, we just did. And as I said earlier, I wasn't sure if I would even find him physically attractive initially. But, that's where our conversation went, so all of it was covered.

4) I don't think I put anything down for income. I certainly don't care about the guy's income. I say I am a trophy wife and don't work, and I am not looking for someone to support me, since I have that already.
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