09-27-2013, 04:47 AM
Join Date: Apr 2013
Originally Posted by GalaGirl
Ok... here's some of your wants as best as I can make out. (I could be wrong.)
- I want to love and trust my husband. Yes
- I want to manage depression. I feel I can already do this to a pretty good extent. I feel that if the other things weren't happening, this wouldn't be an issue.
- I want to become more assertive (?) and be able to just tell my husband that I don't want to swing? I prefer to poly? I have told him this but he isn't computing what I'm telling him. He just tells me that he feels lonely when I leave him to go on dates and that he would never do that to me because he knows how much that hurts. But I have never said that I don't mind being alone. Hell, I'm alone with the kids almost all day long. He comes home at 9 pm most nights so what would be an over night, really? I could use that time to write and think and play video games. There is so much I could do. That doesn't mean I would be okay with him gone EVERY night, but I could handle a night alone once or twice. He has told me that he could not if I did cause all he could think about was that I was having fun and he's at home stuck with the kids.
- I want (financial) stability. Doesn't everyone?
- I want my husband to not have to work so many hours and still be able to pay the bills. Yes. I think he works too hard.
- I want to be more effective in my writing job so that I can make more money on that. Most certainly.
- we're not so tight on money so we can go on fishing and camping trips with our kids. They need more time with us as a family. Not just a stressed out mom and a dad they never see. It doesn't have to be JUST fishing, but it is something we all enjoy doing.
- A house that is big enough for us all. Two bedroom home with an 8 year old boy and a 4 year old girl.
- A clean, orderly home where things get done (I assume cleaning? You seem to imply that more housework gets done when you are working than when you are not?) Some of this is organization problems. There is so little room and too much stuff that is from all of us, I get overwhelmed.
- DH not to date the cheating woman person. He hasn't been and has actually never "dated" her. She comes over and they fuck. She goes home. To my knowledge, this hasn't happened in a year or two though.
- For me to have another man in my life that I can go out and see from time to time without my husband getting uptight about him Yes.
- DH wants to be a swinger Yes
- I want to be poly Yes
- I am ok (?) with DH swinging I have no issues here.
- DH is not ok with me being poly Yes.
I don't know if that helps you to look at it like a bullet list.
Could you get organized with housework since you are home? Pleasant surroundings could help uplift your mood? It's more of the motivation that is lacking. When I'm working, I have all kinds of positive flow and things get done because I'm still flowing when I get home. When I'm not working, I feel sluggish and I don't have any desire at all to clean. Plus, with us being home things get dirty faster. So I'm like looking at all the mess going, "I really, really hate house work. OMG, I JUST cleaned that this morning! Why can't my husband pick up his fucking socks and put them downstairs? Could my daughter PLEASE stop sneaking food, half eating them, and leaving the remains under blankets in the living room? I hate dishes. . . Do I have to go into the basement to do laundry? Eww." Basically, I HATE housework. I would way rather be doing something and making money. I DO clean, but it takes me longer when I'm not working and then I get really overwhelmed cause now there is more. But yes, a clean house does make me feel better. .. But that is very shorted lived with my husband and two children.
How old are the children? How close to being in school? Because then that opens up possibilities for you to work during school hours.
What about birth control? I assume you don't want to have MORE kids at this time and be back in baby mode if you are close to the kids being in PreK or K already. No, I am NOT having anymore kids. I would honestly cry and run screaming if I was pregnant. I have the Mirena and haven't had a period in YEARS. It's fucking great! My husband wants to have another (not necessarily right now) but even if we had all the money in the world and lived in a mansion, I still wouldn't want to have another kid.
Me: Late 20's "hinge" to a V. New to Poly but previous swinger for roughly 4 years. Married since 2008 but together since 2007.
Husband: Mid 30's. Maybe Poly but not monogamous. Swinger.
Beaner: My recent ex and my first poly relationship.