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  #101  
Old 09-26-2013, 05:30 AM
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LovingRadiance LovingRadiance is offline
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I really like "Lilo".
I never use it on here-because it was an... "honored nickname" for a friend on here.
But the minute I read it, it touched my heart.

In real world I periodically describe both Maca and GG as my "lilo's".

(Life Love)
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  #102  
Old 09-26-2013, 08:06 PM
Tonberry Tonberry is offline
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I believe that girlfriend and boyfriend originally were used for children who had a "special friend".
They were kinda like dating but too young to really do much than give each other a peck on the cheek and maybe talk about how they'd marry someday.

Since a lot of children kind of segregate according to gender, it would be somewhat common for a boy to only have one girl friend, and for a girl to have only one boy friend, and that would be their special friend.

I believe that later on, the term was used for adults either as a euphemism, or to "make fun" of the relationship and insinuate it wasn't serious or adult. Kind of a "baby" relationship, that hasn't yet developed into fiance or spouse.

Nowadays it's very common to date for years before getting married, and it's very common to date and never get married (even when you're with the same person(s)). But the term has entered common use so it makes sense to still use it since it's what other people understand.

Lover, on the other hand, being less "childish" in connotations, implies sex, which made it evolve for some people to mean sex only, which is obviously weird since "love" is in the word itself. As a result though, it still has some connotations of an affair or a partner you are not serious with but do have sex with.

I agree though that etymologically, lover makes more sense.
I actually know people who use "ladyfriend" instead of "girlfriend" to avoid the prepubescent undertones. Not sure if people also have a male adult equivalent.

EDIT: also, don't forget that while "boy" and "girl" now mean prepubescent children, it used to only mean unmarried males and females respectively. Probably another reason for them to be used for an unmarried relationship.
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  #103  
Old 09-26-2013, 08:06 PM
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I have heard guy friend.
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  #104  
Old 09-27-2013, 04:11 AM
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ColorsWolf ColorsWolf is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Eponine View Post
Yep, I don't use "lover" for the same reason. Although I do have sex with my husband, sex isn't an important part of any relationship for me. And I interpret a "lover" relationship as primarily sexual but not so deep emotionally (YMMV, of course), so I don't like it.

I call G my husband or partner (I usually see "partner" as "life partner" only, which is different from most poly people's usage of the term), and I call A and L my affectionate friends, special friends, or SOs. When I refer to all of them together, I say "my SOs". I really like the flexibility of "SO" because it covers all kinds of significant relationships.
Very strange and the complete opposite of how I see and use those words, but to each their own!~ ^_^
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  #105  
Old 09-27-2013, 04:15 AM
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ColorsWolf ColorsWolf is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Tonberry View Post
I believe that girlfriend and boyfriend originally were used for children who had a "special friend".
They were kinda like dating but too young to really do much than give each other a peck on the cheek and maybe talk about how they'd marry someday.

Since a lot of children kind of segregate according to gender, it would be somewhat common for a boy to only have one girl friend, and for a girl to have only one boy friend, and that would be their special friend.

I believe that later on, the term was used for adults either as a euphemism, or to "make fun" of the relationship and insinuate it wasn't serious or adult. Kind of a "baby" relationship, that hasn't yet developed into fiance or spouse.

Nowadays it's very common to date for years before getting married, and it's very common to date and never get married (even when you're with the same person(s)). But the term has entered common use so it makes sense to still use it since it's what other people understand.

Lover, on the other hand, being less "childish" in connotations, implies sex, which made it evolve for some people to mean sex only, which is obviously weird since "love" is in the word itself. As a result though, it still has some connotations of an affair or a partner you are not serious with but do have sex with.

I agree though that etymologically, lover makes more sense.
I actually know people who use "ladyfriend" instead of "girlfriend" to avoid the prepubescent undertones. Not sure if people also have a male adult equivalent.

EDIT: also, don't forget that while "boy" and "girl" now mean prepubescent children, it used to only mean unmarried males and females respectively. Probably another reason for them to be used for an unmarried relationship.
You captured my entire point and put it beautifully into 1 post!~ ^_^ Thank you!~ Thank you.~
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  #106  
Old 09-28-2013, 02:37 AM
bookbug bookbug is offline
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Originally Posted by Alhena View Post
I'm curious what people call their lovers -to others i mean. how do you introduce your primary or secondaries? what title do they have when you mention them casually to coworkers and acquaintances.

Is it lover? or boy/girlfriend? or husband/wife/spouse? partner? Is it a differant introduction when more than one of your partners is present? how do you respond to questions from people if more than one of your partners is present or they know your married but you introduce another partner?

what are your thoughts?
Interestingly enough my SO (for lack of a better term) and I struggle with this. Right now, there is only he and I, but we are open to possibilities. (We are both coming out of the same failed triad, and he his marriage.) We love each other deeply, but do not seem to share romantic love. (Honestly, I really never have. Forgive me, but I find the whole fairy tale love rather juvenile.) the most accurate description of our relationship is best friends. But that belies the depth of feeling for each other and the sexual component. It's been difficult for us to find one term that describes the nature of our relationship.

Lately, he has been referring to me as his playmate, which makes giggle.
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  #107  
Old 09-28-2013, 03:48 AM
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Originally Posted by bookbug View Post
Interestingly enough my SO (for lack of a better term) and I struggle with this. Right now, there is only he and I, but we are open to possibilities. (We are both coming out of the same failed triad, and he his marriage.) We love each other deeply, but do not seem to share romantic love. (Honestly, I really never have. Forgive me, but I find the whole fairy tale love rather juvenile.) the most accurate description of our relationship is best friends. But that belies the depth of feeling for each other and the sexual component. It's been difficult for us to find one term that describes the nature of our relationship.

Lately, he has been referring to me as his playmate, which makes giggle.
It is not uncommon for people to have this kind of relationship, I see love as a wonderful feeling I feel for some one every thing else is relative and subjective to those involved, but every one has their definition of "love".~
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  #108  
Old 09-28-2013, 05:01 AM
bookbug bookbug is offline
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Terminology becomes important because so many terms are attached to the default societal view. I find myself struggling because I have a picture in my head or a feeling, but once I attach a label to it that is used by the society at large, the picture can get skewed. However, everyone still desires to communicate, so the basis has to begin somewhere.

Lately my SO and I have been discussing the term FWB. To us, the phrase has come to mean a friendship that exists because of the benefits. Nothing wrong with that, except that neither of us is built that way - and yet we have absolutely no issue with having sex with friends. Therefore we have turned the phrase around: benefits with friends. Changes the emphasis a bit.
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  #109  
Old 09-28-2013, 09:28 PM
Atlantis Atlantis is offline
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In private, Prof is my lover, we agreed on that. Never discussed it with Kip.

I was taught to introduce people by the relationship and name eg. colleague Joe, work friend Eric, neighbour Sue, cousin Jane etc.

So, this label thing is a struggle, I am currently going with either just name or friend + name.

Like others said, if the person being introduced knows me well enough, then they know I have 2 lovers, so they only the need the name. If they don't know then "friend" will suffice.
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  #110  
Old 09-28-2013, 10:42 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Atlantis View Post
In private, Prof is my lover, we agreed on that. Never discussed it with Kip.

I was taught to introduce people by the relationship and name eg. colleague Joe, work friend Eric, neighbour Sue, cousin Jane etc.

So, this label thing is a struggle, I am currently going with either just name or friend + name.

Like others said, if the person being introduced knows me well enough, then they know I have 2 lovers, so they only the need the name. If they don't know then "friend" will suffice.
I would never refer to some one I love as "just a friend", I would find that highly insulting and demeaning of our relationship to be "just a friend".~ I wouldn't mind calling them BOTH "my friend and lover".~
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