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Old 09-26-2013, 12:42 AM
phantazmagoria's Avatar
phantazmagoria phantazmagoria is offline
Join Date: Nov 2010
Location: North Carolina
Posts: 46
Default Dealing with feelings of being left out

Hello, everyone. I am not a huge active user, but have recently been reading more and more posts. It's so helpful to have this forum to help me along my journey.

A lil backstory... I am a girl, been married to husband for almost 10 years. we've dabbled here in there with the poly lifestyle. About 2 months ago we entered into a relationship with a beautiful girl. Our dynamic is that she is dating both of us, we play together, her and I play separately, and her and him play separately.

That's where things get a little bit dicey in my brain. Them playing separately. I know it's the fair thing to both of them. I trust them. But I get these bad feelings of feeling left out, which causes a bit of jealousy. I have irrational, low-self-esteem thoughts. I try to fight them, I know they are pointless and meaningless to have. He's not going to run away with her, she's not trying to steal him away. It seems all so ridiculous, but still the idea of them playing alone has started to bother me.

In the beginning, it was fine. I was fine with them being alone. It was sweet. And then we had a weekend when I was tired, cranky, menstruating, with a cold sore on my lip ... and all I felt was that they had a fun weekend kissing with sexy times, while I couldn't kiss, have sex, and went to bed early. It caused a lot of anxiety in me. I felt totally left out. I felt like I need to reconnect with my husband alone. And I did. And it was great. Now ...

I just want to go back to being fine with it again. I want to be able to know they are together, and be happy that they are having a good time. That seems like the healthy, stable, MATURE thing.

I don't want to dwell on my feeling-left-out feelings. Insecurity and jealousy be damned!!

Any thoughts? Words of wisdom? Advice?

I REALLY APPRECIATE in advance any insight.

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