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  #11  
Old 09-24-2013, 04:09 PM
Nadya Nadya is offline
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How good to read a happy story!! This one really made me feel warm inside. I truly hope that you all will continue to be happy together - and with that kind of communication that you described, it should not be impossible.

And yes, sex does get better and deeper as you get to know your partner, even if it was hot and enjoyable to begin with
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I am a woman with two male partners: CJ (legal husband) and Mark (no label added).

Last edited by Nadya; 09-24-2013 at 05:30 PM.
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  #12  
Old 09-24-2013, 04:58 PM
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YouAreHere YouAreHere is offline
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Originally Posted by Nudge View Post
Great story that you shared. Thank you.

One of the things I have learned over and over again in my relationships is that talking sincerely is rarely as damaging as I ever expect, and *not* talking is almost always more damaging than I expect.
Yes, this!

Even when I dread a conversation now (which isn't all that often at this point), I know that once we do talk and work it out, things feel much, much better.
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Dramatis personae:
Me: Mono. Divorced, two kids, two cats, one house with many projects.
Chops: My partner of ~3 years. Poly. In relationships with me, Xena, and Noa.
Xena: Poly. In relationships with Chops and Noa, and dating others.
Noa: Married, Poly. In relationships with Chops and Xena (individually).

My navel-gazing blog thread: A Mono's Journey Into Poly-Land (or, "Aw hell, there's no road map?!")
My slightly more polished blog (external): From Baltic to Boardwalk
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  #13  
Old 09-24-2013, 05:25 PM
gorgeouskitten gorgeouskitten is offline
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Originally Posted by YouAreHere View Post
Yes, this!

Even when I dread a conversation now (which isn't all that often at this point), I know that once we do talk and work it out, things feel much, much better.
I gotta agree too, not only because Nudge and I are in a relationship, but i find with anyone at all its better to just say it and get it out there. as we are all always saying on this board, talk talk talk
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  #14  
Old 09-25-2013, 05:35 PM
drinnt drinnt is offline
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Originally Posted by kdt26417 View Post
That's awesome news Steve. You four "took the poly bull by the horns," so to speak, and all that emotional stuff that seemed so scary from the swinger angle turned out to be manageable after all. From your post and description, you guys are approaching communication in exactly the right way so far. Doesn't mean you won't run into bumps in the road, but at least you all have the freedom to really open up to each other, in every way.

Polyamory isn't always an easy way to go. But in my experience and from what I've seen, it's usually very worth it and richly rewarding. So, carry on, keep reading, posting, learning, sharing. I have quite a good vibe about the future of your newborn quad.
YES we surely did. It was my girlfriend who first mentioned this feeling like a poly relationship after only a couple months. However it was my interpretation that in saying that it scared the CRAP out of her because she was really wrestling with the idea of her husband being in love with another woman. The sex part was fine...it was the emotional part that has been a learning experience.

So you can imagine 4 months later...sitting down to acknowledge the nature of our relationship...I really put my fears aside and called a spade a spade. I said, "So I guess I'll start by saying that I had a realization last week that I had been looking at this like a struggling swinger relationship (insert clarification)...and when I really got straight with myself I guess I have to say that D (my gf) was right a while back when she said this felt more like a poly relationship or four way marriage."

You know what her response was? "Ha! I'm right! THANK YOU!" We all had a good laugh and the conversation moved on.

I never in a million years 4 months ago would have ever thought to have seen her so happy to hear those words spoken out loud. Not only did it validate for me that this IS what it IS...but it really shifted it from something broken to something we can nurture and create together.

I'm sure there will be bumps - and I have a good feeling too so THANKS! Like I said in my earlier post I feel that almost all the anxiety I had has been converted to a sense of security.
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J - my wife & partner since 2000
D - R's wife & my girlfriend
R - D's husband & J's boyfriend
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  #15  
Old 09-25-2013, 05:36 PM
drinnt drinnt is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Nudge View Post
Great story that you shared. Thank you.

One of the things I have learned over and over again in my relationships is that talking sincerely is rarely as damaging as I ever expect, and *not* talking is almost always more damaging than I expect.
I've been enjoying and learning from the stories surrounding you and yours too Nudge. Thank you so much!

No matter how many times I learn that lesson about communication there still seems to be a lump in my throat to get over. Fortunately that grows smaller every time!
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J - my wife & partner since 2000
D - R's wife & my girlfriend
R - D's husband & J's boyfriend
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  #16  
Old 09-25-2013, 05:37 PM
drinnt drinnt is offline
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Nadya, Youarehere & Gorgeouskitten - thank you all for taking an interest and sharing a kind thought.
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J - my wife & partner since 2000
D - R's wife & my girlfriend
R - D's husband & J's boyfriend
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