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  #11  
Old 03-02-2010, 08:10 AM
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SchrodingersCat SchrodingersCat is offline
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IAW YGirl.

Right now, it seems like you're choosing between a real situation and a hypothetical situation.

In other words, if you happen to meet some other woman by chance (I don't suggest going out and actively looking for her in your present situation), then it might be more appropriate to revisit the issue. Your partner won't likely be any more keen on the idea than she is now, in fact probably less so when the "threat" becomes more "real." It might be a bit selfish, and under no circumstances should you pursue any type of romantic or sexual relationship with such a woman until you have the go-ahead from your partner (that's called cheating), but then at least you'll be choosing between two real situations.
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Gralson: my husband (works out of town).
Auto: my girlfriend (lives with her husband Zoffee).

The most dangerous phrase in the English language is "we've always done it this way."

Last edited by SchrodingersCat; 03-03-2010 at 05:53 AM. Reason: changed "wife" to "partner"
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  #12  
Old 03-02-2010, 09:41 AM
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disarmedheart disarmedheart is offline
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I've never cheated in my life and I don't plan on it now.

I guess what I'm feeling is can I really consciously continue in this relationship in good conscience knowing that we both want different things and that I cannot be what she wants me to be?

Or do I just live with it, accept that I do have happiness with her, and forget the rest.

It's good to hear others thoughts on this, though. Thank you all.
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  #13  
Old 03-02-2010, 01:07 PM
NeonKaos NeonKaos is offline
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No one here has the magic bullet that will make your partner change her mind and agree to what you want.

I think you should have your partner read this thread. Then you should talk some more.

Last edited by NeonKaos; 03-02-2010 at 07:47 PM.
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  #14  
Old 03-02-2010, 07:14 PM
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disarmedheart disarmedheart is offline
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A) I am not married.

B) She knows everything contained in this thread via our talks on same subject prior to the authoring on this thread.

C) I am not looking for a 'magic bullet,' I'm really just presenting my story to others so that they can do exactly what they've done, provide some sort of perceived support so that I don't feel so damned alone on the issue. There is no right answer to my problem and I know this.

Thanks for your thoughts, though.
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  #15  
Old 03-02-2010, 07:48 PM
NeonKaos NeonKaos is offline
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OK, not that it makes a difference to your "dilemma", but I changed the word "wife" to "partner".
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  #16  
Old 03-02-2010, 07:58 PM
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disarmedheart disarmedheart is offline
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Maybe I'm just reading into it, but your post seemed a little snarky.

Did I do something to offend you?
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  #17  
Old 03-02-2010, 09:12 PM
NeonKaos NeonKaos is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by disarmedheart View Post
Maybe I'm just reading into it, but your post seemed a little snarky.

Did I do something to offend you?

No.

I put "dilemma" in quotes because it is part of the title of this thread and it was the word you chose. I changed "wife" to "partner" because it seemed like you were not pleased that I referred to her as "wife". (it's hard to remember which people are married and which ones are not once threads get going for a while. There are other people on here with similar situations to yours who are married. This distinction is a big deal to some folks and I was trying to be respectful when you pointed out that you are not married.)

You definitely WERE reading snarkiness into my post. I'm sorry it came across that way to you.
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  #18  
Old 03-02-2010, 09:43 PM
GroundedSpirit GroundedSpirit is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by disarmedheart View Post
Fast forward, the triad relationship is over, ending with my original partner (O) lying and cheating on the both of us (M and I). This broke M's heart and neither of us had really ever been mono together and didn't quite know how to go about it at first and there was much adjusting to be done. We tried to form other poly relationships, but none quite took off.

We've both always been of the polyfidelitous triad mindset.
Hey Disarmed,

Missed this the first time - sorry.

This is hard. She - both of you - were hurt. It's a lot of effort living such a lifestyle. For some the "possible" benefits just aren't worth the hassle & potential heartbreak. I guess I can say both my mate & I have been on and off that horse several times over time. Sometimes you just don't have it in you to get on again.

And I guess that's what I meant when I said time changes much. We only have so much emotional energy at a given time and a lot depends on what else it competing for it.

But too bad you've been in a holding pattern for 3 years ! That's a long healing time, but maybe you needed it.

We wish you all the happiness you can build.

GS
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  #19  
Old 03-02-2010, 09:43 PM
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disarmedheart disarmedheart is offline
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No biggie, thanks for clarifying.
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