I have tried to soothe her feelings by telling her that we are just friends, despite my feelings for her, and reinforce my love for my wife, but it is still tormenting and hurting her, and I hate that it hurts her so.
I will check out the links that you have suggested GalaGirl! I truly appreciate all of your comments and advice. And yes, I do agree that I truly do need to figure out what it is that I want out of this mess for myself....I do know most of all I want my wife to become more accepting of my poly nature at the very least, whether we stay monogomous, or together or not. Ultimately, sure, I would love to be able to experience a poly lifestyle, whether it is with this friend or someone I may meet in the future, who knows what the future holds....but for the time being I need to focus on my wife, calming her fears and help her to understand that its a part of who I am and that I can't just "make it stop" for her, or for anyone.
Wow, thats alot for me to take in at the moment...but I know I need to be free to be me...whether or not I stay with her, or she stays with me....I suppose I have my work cut out for me at this point