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Old 03-02-2010, 06:44 PM
Karelia Karelia is offline
Join Date: Aug 2009
Posts: 81
Default Change from a triad to a vee?

Has anyone been in a relationship that started off as a true triad, but changed to a vee?

My husband and I have been in a relationship with another woman for a year... but a lot has happened, and he is no longer in love with her. He loves her, but not in a romantic sense. He is probably going to break up with her, but he plans to tell her that this doesn't mean her relationship with me has to end.

I don't know for sure if she'll even want a vee, but I suspect she will. Honestly, I question whether or not she's still in love with him, too. However, she'd probably never admit that because she thinks that if one of us wants out, she loses both of us (this was the way we'd always imagined it would be).

Having never been in a vee, I have no idea what this will be like. I know that it will mean choices in terms of who to spend time with, and the like. Obviously, I can't know without trying. I am still deeply in love with her, despite the issues we've had over the past four or five months. Since I still love her, if she's willing to consider the vee, I want to try. I just have no idea how challenging it will be. She doesn't live with us anymore, so clearly that helps.

However, she knows my husband is my top priority (which is as it should be, in my opinion). He also knows this, and I think he's comfortable with the idea of a vee only because of our history with her and because he knows that if he ultimately were to find out he can't handle that sort of relationship, it would be over for me and her. He knows she's not a threat to our marriage.

I am NOT truly poly. She was someone we met in unexpected, intense circumstances, and it just happened that we all fell in love. I have to imagine this sort of love is fairly rare, especially when it involves two people who are married and would've laughed at the idea of a poly relationship before it fell into their laps. I love her, and I love him... I want her. I need him. He's oxygen... she's the ocean. I love the ocean and would be very, very sad to never see one again, but if I couldn't, I'd certainly survive it. Oxygen, however, is necessary.

So, I just wonder if anyone has any experience going from a triad to a vee...
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