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  #681  
Old 09-21-2013, 05:58 PM
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Marcus Marcus is offline
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Originally Posted by Atlantis View Post
Suffice it to say, the only straps I enjoy being tied up with, are from someone with whom I have a safe word. And who brings you a drink and sandwich after!
That really made me laugh. Thanks Atlantis
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  #682  
Old 09-21-2013, 11:23 PM
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AnnabelMore AnnabelMore is offline
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There are some apple and orange comparisons going on.

Treating phobias through BDSM could very much work. That would be exposure therapy. Trusting someone enough to exposure you to a fear in a safe environment, often gradually. Things like restraint, cages, blood, being dominated etc
Says she who has issues with being restrained, and has worked up to being restrained with emergency release that I can't use and cuffs tight enough that I can't pop out of them. That has taken a while Still won't let them do it at the obg/gyn office though! No straps on my ankles, thank-you.

Cutting and other forms of self-harm are more likely the result of a mood disorder, the endorphins released by cutting create an "artificial" chemical high. By artificial I mean deliberately created. Like the runners high.


The treatment for this would not be exposure therapy. but probably physciatric and would require blood tests too, to ascertain if there is a chemical imbalance.

My 2 cents...
For the record, a metamour of mine does this -- uses BDSM with a very-sadistic-but-also-very-loving partner as exposure therapy to work on her phobias. It backfired one time in a massive way, she found herself too terrified to even think to say "red", and the experience actually gave her an entirely new phobia that impacts her life on a weekly, if not daily, basis. She said that it was the worst experience of her life, and she's been non-consensually raped. For all of that, she stands by her method. Which just completely blows my mind.
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  #683  
Old 09-21-2013, 11:28 PM
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AnnabelMore AnnabelMore is offline
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To be fair to other people who use BDSM as therapy, it's one thing to ask your partner to tie you with straps because you're afraid of restraints, with the expectation that your partner will stop when you start to show more than a little discomfort. It's another to have a dynamic with your partner where it's expected that they'll reduce you to a weeping, incoherent mess as part of an average session, which was the case with my metamour and her sadist. I think combining that particular dynamic with BDSM-as-exposure-therapy was where the wrong turn was made. *shrug* Imho, anyway, like I said she regrets that particular incident -- she thinks that she made some big mistakes beforehand by not doing enough to manage her mental state, and going through with the scene even though she'd had a bad day and was having doubts -- but doesn't think that the overall approach is at fault.
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  #684  
Old 09-21-2013, 11:43 PM
Atlantis Atlantis is offline
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it's one thing to ask your partner to tie you with straps because you're afraid of restraints, with the expectation that your partner will stop when you start to show more than a little discomfort. It's another to have a dynamic with your partner where it's expected that they'll reduce you to a weeping, incoherent mess as part of an average session, which was the case with my metamour and her sadist. .
Agreed, I was in no way advocating that kind of behavior, apologies if I gave that impression.
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  #685  
Old 09-22-2013, 05:22 AM
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AnnabelMore AnnabelMore is offline
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Agreed, I was in no way advocating that kind of behavior, apologies if I gave that impression.
You didn't, I was just clarifying my own thoughts on the matter.
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  #686  
Old 10-01-2013, 02:55 PM
dingedheart dingedheart is offline
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I'd say many many people would disagree with you, opal. BDSM is so challenging sometimes. It can force you to trust more, be more open, be more decisive, or more submissive than you've ever been before. There is force and power play in vanilla life, but BDSM, for many, brings it to the surface, instead of it being subtly buried and denied the way it can be in vanilla situations. When you confront all this directly in a consensual D/s scene, it can be very stress relieving, cathartic, life growth inducing.

I believe it was in the Bottoming book where an author talks specifically about a woman who was raped, and how when she chose to do "rape play" in a consensual gangbang situation, after years of ordinary therapy, it finally helped her to overcome the original trauma and make her feel empowered once again.

Some people do not respond well to traditional talk therapy. Many people can't open up and talk about their deepest secrets and fears to a therapist. I've chatted with some good friends who never talk about their sex lives with their therapist, even though that is where they need the most help! They feel a stigma and shame about talking about sex. This is just one example. So, careful caring BDSM with a trusted experienced partner is an option for many, to maybe enhance talk therapy, and help to clear things, receive catharsis and move on.

My gf has anxiety issues. She's been in talk therapy for 5 years. But sometimes when she's feeling particularly fraught, nothing makes her feel better, safer, stronger, more relaxed, than to be bound, or put in a cage, or flogged. Fun and games? Sexy time? No, very serious shit.

I stumbled upon this a few days ago ...http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/arti...my-prison.html


When this kid grows up do you think this could be therapy for him ?
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  #687  
Old 10-01-2013, 03:25 PM
london london is offline
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Originally Posted by dingedheart View Post
I stumbled upon this a few days ago ...http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/arti...my-prison.html


When this kid grows up do you think this could be therapy for him ?
What would be your motivation for posting that in this thread other than to provoke an emotive reaction during a discussion? Some people abused their kid. They had a kinky relationship. So? Plenty of other women have been complicit in their child's abuse in the absence of a kink based relationship. It has absolutely no bearing on the discussion at all.
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  #688  
Old 10-01-2013, 03:31 PM
WhatHappened WhatHappened is offline
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Originally Posted by london View Post
What would be your motivation for posting that in this thread other than to provoke an emotive reaction during a discussion? Some people abused their kid. They had a kinky relationship. So? Plenty of other women have been complicit in their child's abuse in the absence of a kink based relationship. It has absolutely no bearing on the discussion at all.
The bearing was in the last question: will BDSM be therapy for this boy when he grows up?
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  #689  
Old 10-01-2013, 03:47 PM
london london is offline
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And how does the answer to that question have any bearing on whether BDSM can ever be therapeutic?

The motivation behind that post in my opinion was to take the most extreme example of BDSM going wrong (parents in kinky relationship, submissive mother seemingly"ordered" to help her partner abuse her son) and use it to somehow a) condemn BDSM and b) refute that BDSM can ever be therapeutic.
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  #690  
Old 10-01-2013, 04:02 PM
WhatHappened WhatHappened is offline
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Whatever his motivation, I think it's a fair question to ask: if people are using BDSM as therapy, then from what kind of abuse? Do victims of sexual abuse use BDSM as therapy to recover from sexual abuse? From childhood sexual abuse specifically? This is just looking at it from the other end, seeing the abuse first and the potential for this boy to use BDSM as therapy in later years.

Why talk about BDSM as therapy from one end of a person's life (the therapy end), but object to talking about it from the other (the initial abuse end)?
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