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  #21  
Old 03-02-2010, 05:28 AM
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SchrodingersCat SchrodingersCat is offline
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Originally Posted by booklady78 View Post
What define's 'culture' and 'community' in the poly sense? Can you be part of the poly culture and not the community? Just thinking out loud
Absolutely! In my interpretation, I think of culture as the lifestyle, day-to-day aspect, and something that you share individually or with your close friends and family. For example, from an ethnic perspective, culture is something you carry with you even if you move to a new country, surrounded by a new culture. Whereas you obviously can't bring your community with you across the world, unless it's an online community.

Or, if you're just a triad of polies living together in a home but not associating with any other poly people, then I would say you're part of the poly culture but not the community.
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  #22  
Old 03-02-2010, 05:40 AM
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MonoVCPHG MonoVCPHG is offline
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Originally Posted by SchrodingersCat View Post

Or, if you're just a triad of polies living together in a home but not associating with any other poly people, then I would say you're part of the poly culture but not the community.
Agreed!
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  #23  
Old 03-02-2010, 10:03 AM
Ceoli Ceoli is offline
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Originally Posted by SchrodingersCat View Post
Absolutely! In my interpretation, I think of culture as the lifestyle, day-to-day aspect, and something that you share individually or with your close friends and family. For example, from an ethnic perspective, culture is something you carry with you even if you move to a new country, surrounded by a new culture. Whereas you obviously can't bring your community with you across the world, unless it's an online community.

Or, if you're just a triad of polies living together in a home but not associating with any other poly people, then I would say you're part of the poly culture but not the community.
This is why I dislike the use of the word "poly lifestyle". It does imply that there is some underlying common "flavor of life" that poly people have, when the reality is that poly relationships look as different from each other as they look from mono relationships. The way people love is wide and varied.

This is also why I'm a big fan of not trying to attach any more meaning or assumptions to the word polyamory. It really just means multiple consensual loving relationships, yet people attach assumptions about being hyper-sexual or politically radical or all sort of things that really don't apply to a vast number of people who live in poly relationships.
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  #24  
Old 06-27-2013, 01:36 PM
Dirtclustit Dirtclustit is offline
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Default I had always assumed that Poly meant

and Understanding that was without any doubt a Universal Agreement otherwise know as the concept that all "poly" people supported as a basic set of values that didn't require laws or enforcement. That the core of Poly Beliefs was something that may not have always been openly discussed but always always was understood

and I had always assumed that subversion of the core beliefs was the main reason people began to disassociate and intentionally distance themselves from the word "Poly" nor have anything to do with it, and I completely understand why a person would feel the need to do so. It's become a familiar feeling, that urge to speak out and denounce "Polyamory" and what seems to be the direction it's headed due to the core beliefs being seemingly forgotten. When you witness the courage and bravery of Eagle Scouts making the honorable decision to return that part of their life to the BSA organization, because as an organization they dropped the ball in that they appeared to be confused and unaware they were lining up near the line that separates right from wrong, before the boundaries of said line was about to be revealed, but they genuinely were so blind and out of touch where they had actually chose to stand the seriously thought the were well on the right side of that line.

I do believe there is a black and white area and that there is nothing really to it, there is no mystery as to what part of the ground is white and which is black.

That when it comes to matters of Love, there are no politics period.

That by identifying yourself as polyamorous you accepted to voluntarily (as in the honor system) to not obfuscate, to not labor to confuse, to always have on goal and one goal only anytime the any action you take is in regards to LOVE, that you ALWAYS ALWAYS willingly left politics aside so that you were devoted to the goal of having people understand and not be confused.

That when it came to Love, poly people understood Why and How the ONLY responsible thing to preach when your ideals of Love didn't mesh with another's ideals of love and doing So meant to have a reverence, a respect, for any and all existence that true, honest, Love was being practiced.

That you didn't have to agree with it, but you would voluntarily allow others the due respect and autonomy to make such sacred decisions for themselves. Free from humiliation, free from belittling, but with reverence and respect.

Which meant voluntary honesty, and the practice of honesty, that all politics would be put aside and you would so that respect by practicing honesty which means giving each other the benefit of the doubt because you could be trusted at your word, and not abuse that trust but intentionally toeing the line between right and wrong because when you do that, it can no longer be said that a tiny step over crossing the line is an accident. So maybe there are no more core Poly Beliefs, but that is exactly why people have felt the need to outspokenly NOT identify themselves as poly, and that sad, because as I understood it, the core beliefs were commitments to respect other's beliefs and practices of Loving according to knowledgeable adults clearly and explicitly consenting.

That respect and a commitment to voluntary and complete practice of honesty

That, those views, were what I guess maybe I had taken for granted, to be a given among those who identify as believing or practicing Polyamorists.

but I am in a fairly foul mood upon the realization that it was wrong to assume, but that's how I was taught to treat a "Given"

So I might not be making any sense

Last edited by Dirtclustit; 06-27-2013 at 01:49 PM. Reason: typos
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  #25  
Old 06-27-2013, 03:33 PM
BoringGuy BoringGuy is offline
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Is there anything left of the good stuff or did you not save any for me again?

Darn helicopters...
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  #26  
Old 06-28-2013, 12:43 AM
wildflowers wildflowers is offline
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Oh, surely you can think of something to say!

So when people have multiple personalities, can the personalities argue? Or do they just live parallel lives?

It may be totally obvious, but I have no idea where the helicopters come in.
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  #27  
Old 06-28-2013, 01:57 AM
BoringGuy BoringGuy is offline
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Originally Posted by wildflowers View Post
Oh, surely you can think of something to say!

So when people have multiple personalities, can the personalities argue? Or do they just live parallel lives?

It may be totally obvious, but I have no idea where the helicopters come in.
They can argue, they can interrupt one another... Anything that mere mortals can do, we can do.

The helicopters are just there to distract the hippies and keep them paranoid.
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  #28  
Old 06-28-2013, 02:51 AM
Dirtclustit Dirtclustit is offline
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Default because I make no sense when angry

I will try to state it again:

That I always believed there are core principles that unite all people who practice ethical non-monogamy, polyamory, or whatever label is used.

That Love and the way it is experienced, expressed, and shared with others both emotionally and physically is considered sacred, and as being sacred it deserves the reverence and respect for all ways to "worship" or practice their own religion of love with complete autonomy when their practice of Love is within reason (does not included minors, and all adults involved are willing participants who desire and consent to all acts free from the manipulations of others) that differences of religions do not interfere with other religions and truly cause no harm.

that when people understand and can recognize others who voluntarily (meaning the honor system) refrain from unwanted chastisement, humiliation, or shame for the ways they choose to offer their love to others and accept other's offers.

that means on these forums, you don't have to agree with other people's views on how they practice loving relationships, but out of respect you do not engage subtle ways to disrespect others, no matter how civilized or hidden the inappropriate exchange of ideas may be.

It means you show respect by not implying meaning that remains unspoken. There are seemingly infinite ways a person could tell another person to fuck off, eat shit and die which without actually saying those words the thoughts can still be conveyed with a smile, a hand shake, and a pat on the back.

which goes against the voluntary respect that I had always believed to be a core belief of all polyamorists, no matter how different their practice of polyamory is compared to other people practice

that because everyone here knows the vicious unrecognized hatred that society can afflict on those whose way of life does not conform to tradition -- even though they are truly affecting nobody outside their own relationships -- and even though they truly are doing no harm, denial can be so strong among the "do gooders" that they are so ignorant as to justify destroying another person's ability to be happy, just because of who and how they choose to love people.

that polyamorists fully understand how fucked up that is, that those self-righteous yet wicked actions are universally considered so fundamentally wrong that nothing more than the honor system is needed to refrain from doing others wrong in that sort of way

that to say there is no community, or that community implies something that does not or cannot in reality exist among such a diverse group of people, is cop out. It is complete and utter bullshit as there can always be core values, principles that everyone can agree on. That those who do not agree, make a conscious decision to not allow such a community to exist, but in reality that decision excludes them from a very real living and breathing community

It's a simple decision, and not something far too complex to ever define or come to an suitable-for-everyone conclusion. It is nothing more than a simple choice, you can choose to behave according to the honor system, or you can choose not to

Similar to that famous line of "to do or not to do, either one is your answer"

which correct me if I am wrong, was what Higgens said to Magnum P.I. in one particular episode of...I think it was either Dragnet or Hawaii 5.0

Last edited by Dirtclustit; 06-28-2013 at 04:02 AM.
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  #29  
Old 06-28-2013, 03:13 AM
BoringGuy BoringGuy is offline
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Someone left the cake out in the rain again.
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  #30  
Old 06-28-2013, 10:56 AM
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When you get right down to it, every community is a community of people. People who may or may not get along. People who may or may not be assholes. People who may or may not be batshit crazy. People who may or may not be pedantic grammar nazis (haven't seen any of THOSE here... I'm impressed!). People who may or may not be the sweetest, most wonderful people in the world. They just have one particular thing in common (and even then, there are variations on that one thing - you collect model trains? Which gauge? You're poly? What kind of relationship are you in?). Maybe they're on the fringe of the group and don't know where to fit in. I'm mono in a poly relationship; where exactly do I belong?

Having the one thing in common doesn't make everyone like-minded, and other things, like communication styles, don't always match up. And yes, some people have gotten frustrated and sarcastic. We're all human. I can't think of one group I've been involved in where there wasn't some level of internal aggravation, online OR face-to-face.

Trying to be the lone voice cursing the "darkness" doesn't work. Light your own candle. Be who YOU want to be, and someone will appreciate you for it.
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