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Old 09-20-2013, 08:16 PM
monogamishSF monogamishSF is offline
Join Date: Jul 2012
Location: San Francisco, CA
Posts: 48

Originally Posted by Magdlyn View Post
I won't lie, it's challenging to have them have that first overnight date. ... I've got a bf of almost 2 years and just this summer he's started dating someone new. They've had 2 overnights and I am not feeling great about his attitudes towards dating others in general. He is "more poly" than I'd first thought. You can read the recent posts in my blog here for much more on that. Here's a link to the last page of it. url]http://www.polyamory.com/forum/showthread.php?t=4162&page=8[/url]

Thanks for this. I am having trouble determining whether I am unwilling to forgive and forget past offenses, or if there is something about the relationship that isn't working for me, or if this is all just par for the course and I'll learn to be fine in the future. I have my eye on it, but I think it's too soon to say.

One thing that is good is that the new person has been poly and in her primary relationship for 4 years, and has her own set of limits and is comforatable and experienced practicing safe sex (I find a lot of women don't care as much as they should about that, which can be, needless to say, a big issue). I find a lot of safety in knowing these things.

I think what I need to work out is quality care from G and a heaping amount of attention after an overnight. We talked so much about what was okay during the overnight that we didn't address the aftermath, and I ended up kind of in an emotional freefall when her social plans for the night after collided with my dire need to connect and process my unexpected feelings.

Magdlyn, I take it you haven't found a lot of success with overnights? Or have you had situations where they continued and you found yourself feeling good?
under-30 cis femme- and queer-identified female. in a primary relationship with G, genderqueer female, with separate apartments. I also have a FWB, N, that I see every few months. K is a member of a 2012 triad that has since ended.
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cheating, overnight, primary, sleepover, trust

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