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  #111  
Old 09-09-2013, 11:18 PM
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Natja Natja is offline
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Originally Posted by Marcus View Post

Off hand, I can't think of a worse kind of torture than to be in this kind of relationship. At least the Borg get cool tech implants.
Me either, it sounds so very oppressive and possibly co-dependent...
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  #112  
Old 09-09-2013, 11:59 PM
CattivaGattina CattivaGattina is offline
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If I'm needing alone time (particularly when I'm working on photos) you better leave me the fuck alone. Otherwise you're going to have a bitch on your hands.
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  #113  
Old 09-10-2013, 05:03 AM
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ColorsWolf ColorsWolf is offline
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Hehe, that's the point though right?~ ^_^ No one's relationship ways are supposed to fit every one, every one is unique and they each have their own beautiful little ways of loving.~
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  #114  
Old 09-10-2013, 05:44 AM
ThatGirlInGray ThatGirlInGray is offline
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Originally Posted by nycindie View Post
LR, your situation and outlook is unique. I don't know why you keep explaining it, actually. I wouldn't think it would apply to that many other people's situations.
Perhaps not many, but it does apply to others. I wasn't going to bother replying to this thread because LR was doing a terrific job of saying exactly what I would say, so I'm quite glad she kept explaining it. Family-centric is not an uncommon relationship model, whether you're talking poly or mono, and except for the Alaska and not locking doors bit, it all sounded quite familiar to me. I can't imagine having a serious relationship with anyone who did not fit in well with my family. TGIB has said something similar when I've expressed concerns over who he may choose to date in the future (his past track record in choosing partners who respect him and treat him well is not good, if you're wondering why I was concerned). We are a family, and though it is NOT required to date or have sex with either of my partners in order to have the option for both with me, being able to get along with everyone reasonably well and spend time with the group IS.

I would say your situation and outlook are unique, nycindie, rather than LR's.
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  #115  
Old 09-12-2013, 05:19 PM
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nycindie nycindie is offline
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Originally Posted by ThatGirlInGray View Post
Family-centric is not an uncommon relationship model, whether you're talking poly or mono, and except for the Alaska and not locking doors bit, it all sounded quite familiar to me. I can't imagine having a serious relationship with anyone who did not fit in well with my family. TGIB has said something similar when I've expressed concerns over who he may choose to date in the future (his past track record in choosing partners who respect him and treat him well is not good, if you're wondering why I was concerned). We are a family, and though it is NOT required to date or have sex with either of my partners in order to have the option for both with me, being able to get along with everyone reasonably well and spend time with the group IS.

I would say your situation and outlook are unique, nycindie, rather than LR's.
Yes, I could be seen as being in the minority of poly, being solo, but I know there are lots of other solos with very similar views, wants, and practices to mine. I guess I wasn't clear, though, about why I think LR's situation is unique. It's not the focus on children and family - that I get. If I were a parent or step-parent, I'd be focused on family, too. I know lots of polyfolk have families and make their families a priority. I know many polyfolk don't introduce their children to lovers until the relationship seems solid and established. Those things all make quite a lot of sense, and I don't think that's unusual.

I do think LR's tight-knit community where people can come and go into her home IS unusual. That she lives with her husband and boyfriend, and each of them are on different schedules, all co-parenting their children, but don't like really hearing about her relationship with the other, while one is LR's dom and the other is LR's sub, is also unusual. I also think that her policy of establishing friendships first and making sure someone is part of her inner family circle before entertaining any sort of romantic involvement is very unusual. As I understand it, she doesn't "date" per se, someone she doesn't know and have a tight friendship with already. That is mainly what I see as not applying to most people. The way LR "dates" seems more European in style than American. I may be wrong, but I think most poly people in No. America, including partnered ones, will go out on dates with people they are just meeting in person for the first time, to see if there is a possibility for romance. Sure, it might be a while before they meet the family, that is not the element I think would not apply to most poly people.

I admit, though - LR's approach and outlook seems so extroverted to me, so maybe I see it as odd just because I am very much an introvert!

Sorry, LR, if it sounded like I was critical. I just didn't see how your situation, which I think is unusual, really applies to this thread where the OP was talking about couples who demand that a lover be romantically involved with both of them. I guess you were just talking about familial/social involvement. And it seemed you kept repeating yourself over and over abut your situation and approach in this and other threads - but maybe some people just weren't getting what you were saying. And also, sorry for writing about you in the third person, it's just that once I started, wasn't sure how to transition!
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Last edited by nycindie; 09-12-2013 at 05:29 PM.
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  #116  
Old 09-12-2013, 11:46 PM
CattivaGattina CattivaGattina is offline
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Originally Posted by nycindie View Post
I also think that her policy of establishing friendships first and making sure someone is part of her inner family circle before entertaining any sort of romantic involvement is very unusual. As I understand it, she doesn't "date" per se, someone she doesn't know and have a tight friendship with already. That is mainly what I see as not applying to most people. The way LR "dates" seems more European in style than American.
It's probably why even though her and my lives are different in many ways I do find where she comes from in this topic as much more up my alley. I date the same way. I want a friendship to be there before something romantic would happen (especially if there's any sort of D/s or M/s element). May not have to be part of the inner family circle but have to be willing to be friendly with anyone that I'm either in a relationship with or hold as very important to my life.
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  #117  
Old 09-19-2013, 07:19 PM
drinnt drinnt is offline
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This is me: http://www.polyamory.com/forum/showthread.php?t=56025

I had some thoughts before reading this thread...and am glad for the thread because now I have more thoughts...expanded thoughts.

In my budding situation we're just barely accepting the poly nature of our relationship. Well...the two girls do not always see eye to eye and have been naturally defensive toward each other from day one.

Coming from a swingers background we've all been seeing this as a barrier and potential downfall of our relationship but we all love our partners so much that giving this up is not an option right now.

Anyway...I see from this thread that it's NOT a requirement that the girls are experiencing equal desire for affection. There are no requirements, only that we desire there to be a working relationship so we can all enjoy what there is to enjoy.

So thank you for helping to open my eyes. I was quite stuck on "this isn't working because the girls aren't in love too."
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Last edited by drinnt; 09-19-2013 at 07:23 PM.
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  #118  
Old 09-19-2013, 10:30 PM
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LovingRadiance LovingRadiance is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by nycindie View Post
The way LR "dates" seems more European in style than American.

I admit, though - LR's approach and outlook seems so extroverted to me, so maybe I see it as odd just because I am very much an introvert!

Sorry, LR, if it sounded like I was critical. I just didn't see how your situation, which I think is unusual, really applies to this thread where the OP was talking about couples who demand that a lover be romantically involved with both of them. I guess you were just talking about familial/social involvement. And it seemed you kept repeating yourself over and over abut your situation and approach in this and other threads - but maybe some people just weren't getting what you were saying. And also, sorry for writing about you in the third person, it's just that once I started, wasn't sure how to transition!
I love reading your impressions and thoughts especially when personally applicable to me. It's a gift to have someone whose opinion I greatly respect talk about me-ESPECIALLY when that someone see's things from SUCH a drastically different viewpoint than I do.
So please, don't apologize.

When i repeat with slight variations, it is because I think someone isn't quite grasping my point &/or I am reconsidering a detail.

That first piece about European intrigues me. I know little to nothing about European cultures. That would be interesting if I actually had something in common with people there-which I don't have in common with people here. Very neat indeed!
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  #119  
Old 09-20-2013, 06:42 AM
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Natja Natja is offline
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Originally Posted by LovingRadiance View Post

That first piece about European intrigues me.
Me too..I can't believe I missed the European comment earlier but....what??

Europe is made up of dozens of Countries with widely different cultures. Not some homogeneous mass of sameness,,,there is no "European Style" of dating. Italians don't date the same as Swedes, the Poles date different from the Brits and I'm not too sure that many of us 'date' like LR.

In fact, in Western and Northern Europe in general, families are small and quite insular, having people coming into and out your home all the while is not only uncommon but not quite practical, I mean, have you even seen how small our homes are? Oh no, people go home and we prefer invites thank you very much, uninvited, unexpected arrivals are a Brits idea of hell. Southern Europe on the other hand do tend to have stronger connections to extended family and probably live closer to them and see them more often but this doesn't equate to having people in and out of their homes all the time. Americans definitely have the wrong idea of Europe.

Last edited by Natja; 09-20-2013 at 08:48 AM. Reason: missing word
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  #120  
Old 09-20-2013, 06:56 AM
london london is offline
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Originally Posted by Natja View Post
Me too..I can't believe I missed the European comment earlier but....what??

Europe is made up of dozens of Countries with widely different cultures. Not some homogeneous mass of sameness,,,there is no "European Style" of dating. Italians don't date the same as Swedes, the Poles date different from the Brits and I'm not too sure that many of us 'date' like LR.

In fact, in Western and Northern Europe in general, families are small and quite insular, having people coming into and out your home all the while is not only uncommon but quite practical, I mean, have you even seen how small our homes are? Oh no, people go home and we prefer invites thank you very much, uninvited, unexpected arrivals are a Brits idea of hell. Southern Europe on the other hand do tend to have stronger connections to extended family and probably live closer to them and see them more often but this doesn't equate to having people in and out of their homes all the time. Americans definitely have the wrong idea of Europe.
I was going to say this but they'd just argue back. Especially in Britain, the idea of teaming up dating with your kids is reprehensible. Having guys around after bedtime is something you'll see in Shameless and amongst people to ascribe to that sort of lifestyle but otherwise, no. Other European countries have quite strong religious beliefs and so dating at all, especially after the failure of a marriage is sort of frowned upon to varying degrees depending on the country and culture of that particular person.
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