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  #271  
Old 09-11-2013, 02:09 PM
gorgeouskitten gorgeouskitten is offline
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Originally Posted by Vinccenzo View Post
I would say be very careful about disclosure at work. It really sucks to feel some responsibility to stand as an example of NOT being everything people would automatically assume "weird poly folk" are likely doing to help move it past discrimination. BUT I just got a little taste of the consequences of that this week. When a position opens up and everyone on your team has said it should go to you, you're the only one who applied to it, you have the most experience and knowledge and yet they pass you over and cannot (will not) give you a reason for why - you just have to remember telling your supervisor how a few months back you need to leave work because your non spousal partner had an accident and in the hospital. You have to remember how another very qualified (and open about being a triad member) person had recently interviewed for a position your company just can't seem to fill, and then was never called back.

Yeah.
I am so sorry to hear this nudge and I have already had the work fall out, everyone knows. We did get a lot of crap and get in some hot water etc....but actually he DID have to come to the hospital with me once and his boss was nice about it (id been in a car accident). Hopefull one day we could all be out without it beign such a huge deal
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  #272  
Old 09-11-2013, 05:50 PM
Squashking Squashking is offline
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Default tough one

GK, we have had a few conversations about this in our quad this summer (we are out to NO ONE). I know this topic has been discussed at length here.

But as our relationships continue to develop, I find it gets harder and harder to live in secrecy. But all 4 of us have to completely agree to doing this and I just don't see that happening esp. with potential career-ending consequences.

If the responses to your article on Mommy-ish is any indication, I am not sure that society in general is ready to comprehend Polyamory and its many, many forms.

I am simply not willing to potentially blow up or even strain any relationships with family, friends or colleagues based on my desire to be open with my new lifestyle. However, there is very good chance someone may get caught. We have had a few close calls. In guess in that case, the decision will be made for us

~S
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  #273  
Old 09-12-2013, 01:16 PM
gorgeouskitten gorgeouskitten is offline
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Originally Posted by Squashking View Post
GK, we have had a few conversations about this in our quad this summer (we are out to NO ONE). I know this topic has been discussed at length here.

But as our relationships continue to develop, I find it gets harder and harder to live in secrecy. But all 4 of us have to completely agree to doing this and I just don't see that happening esp. with potential career-ending consequences.

If the responses to your article on Mommy-ish is any indication, I am not sure that society in general is ready to comprehend Polyamory and its many, many forms.

I am simply not willing to potentially blow up or even strain any relationships with family, friends or colleagues based on my desire to be open with my new lifestyle. However, there is very good chance someone may get caught. We have had a few close calls. In guess in that case, the decision will be made for us

~S
SK< have you read this weeks article? the comments are so much more constructive and Im having some lovely convos. check it out! But i agree its difficult. Nexts weeks article my editor wants to know how and why Nudge and my coworkers now...this has been a hard one to write
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  #274  
Old 09-12-2013, 04:29 PM
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RainyGrlJenny RainyGrlJenny is offline
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I'm out all over the place!

Fly and I have our facebook relationship statuses set to "in an open relationship with Fly/Jenny," and my family knows that I'm dating Moonlight also. Everyone at work and all our friends know, and Moonlight's friends and family know that I have a boyfriend/stepkid. Heck, even the woman who owns my favorite boutique knows, and will ask if I'm shopping for something special for one of my lovers or for someone new.

Despite the fact that I'm in a somewhat sensitive occupation (childcare), I've had no negative fallout whatsoever, either professionally or personally. My boss even gave me a +2 on my company christmas party invite.

I've encountered curiosity, envy, and disbelief, but that's it. I attribute it mostly to living in a fairly liberal place, and to the fact that I treat it as normal so everyone else does too. I've never "come out" to anyone (except my sister when I told her that Moonlight was officially my girlfriend), but I talk about my partners quite a bit in normal conversation, so it doesn't take long for people to figure it out. I almost never use the word polyamory, though, since I think it sounds kind of pretentious sometimes, and most people haven't really heard of it anyway.

Funny story - Moonlight's daughter called her up a few months ago and said, "Hey! I just watched this show on tv, and there's a nice name for what you're doing with Jenny. It's called polyamory!"
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  #275  
Old 09-12-2013, 05:08 PM
Squashking Squashking is offline
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Originally Posted by RainyGrlJenny View Post
I'm out all over the place!
Thanks RGJ, perhaps there is hope for us down the road :-) We live in the PNW as well and yes I agree people here are very liberal. My wife is also in childcare so that's very interesting.

Either way its a big decision and it will require all 4 of us to make the leap or, as I mentioned before, it will just happen naturally which I think is more likely.

~S
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  #276  
Old 09-14-2013, 04:29 PM
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alibabe_muse alibabe_muse is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Squashking View Post
Thanks RGJ, perhaps there is hope for us down the road :-) We live in the PNW as well and yes I agree people here are very liberal. My wife is also in childcare so that's very interesting.

Either way its a big decision and it will require all 4 of us to make the leap or, as I mentioned before, it will just happen naturally which I think is more likely.

~S
It's going to be a bit longer for those of us in Eastern WA/N Idaho to come out. There is definitely a more conservative presence here. Now had hubby and I realized we're poly two years ago, we may have not left our liberal community. Spokane is not as uptight but still nothing like the I-5 corridor.
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  #277  
Old 09-20-2013, 12:28 AM
iceman iceman is offline
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Default Parents?

This thread has both been heartening and disheartening at the same time. I have been with J for almost three years and we started out mono but moved into being poly. I am also seeing B (partner of about 8 months.) So my question on here is: How do you come out to your parents? I live about 3000 miles away from them and they are coming to visit me over Christmas. I would like to introduce them to B but he wants only to be introduced as my partner, which I totally agree with. However, I have absolutely NO idea how to start that conversation. Any suggestions?
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  #278  
Old 09-20-2013, 06:25 AM
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AilaLynn AilaLynn is offline
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I can understand the dilemma I have read from some of those in here. I'm facing somewhat of the same issues. My hubby and I have told his family and mine... At first his family was going to take me in and help me divorce him cause I don't need to be treated that way, yadda, yadda, yadda.... They FINALLY after months and months realized he was not cheating on me and that I'm okay with it and is just as much of a part of it as he is. It's just the lifestyle we live. My family, however,is a different story....My mom hates him since she discovered we are poly. The rest of my family doesn't know; EXCEPT my aunt. Funny enough, it turns out SHE and my uncle are also poly. I had no freaking idea for years! Just like I didn't find out for years shee is bisexual, whereas I am bisexual,but I'm thinking the term is more along the lines of Pansexual.

Anyways, our neighbors FINALLY got the nerve up to ask us about our gf living with us.... when we told them we are poly they looked at us funny and one of the guys said "I don't know how you do it. I wouldn't be able to live with more than one woman at a time" LMAO! But everyone else acts like I'm the victim and he's cheating yadda, yadda, yadda...

Wtf! Why is it so hard for people to understand that you CAN care for or love more than one person? Why is it so hard to understand that it's possible to be open like that? I've always been that way, I just never understood what it was or that it even had a name until the last few years.

So, yeah, I would offer advice if I had any, but I'm in the same boat with people looking at us funny. lol.

Sometimes I wonder if I should move to Europe or Germany because a lot of my friends from there are certainly waaaayyyy more open-minded and accepting about "taboo" stuff and they say that the majority of people there are generally more open-minded than we are here in the US. No wonder I have never felt like I fit in here in my own country LMAO!

Let' not even get into the subject of bdsm, s/m, golden showers, etc etc lmfao! The looks I get for those LMFAO! All I can say is I am so lucky and happy to have a hubby at least who is open-minded enough to try just about anything lmao!

But I am going off topic here, dang ADHD! Ooohh shiny! lol

But yeah, I wish I could offer advice, but I'm still trying to not scoff at or get pissed at people who start the whole "oh he's cheating! he's no good for you!" without stopping to think and realize that HEY! I'm just as much a part of it and it's not cheating if it's open between everyone. duh! *facepalms*
Remind me why I just grit my teeth and not slap them silly? lol
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  #279  
Old 10-02-2013, 04:44 AM
viracochaloves viracochaloves is offline
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Default Coming out?

I'd like to see if anybody has a particular style for how to come out as polyamorous to potential lovers?

I'm extremely interested in an old friend. He's coming to visit my current country in a few weeks and I not only have just a limited window to see if we can hit it off but I also have to "come out" as ethically nonmonogamous. The lovers I left behind when I immigrated have my complete support, and I know that they deserve recognition because they 've been a monumental part of my life. My experience in the past has been that lot of friends are willing to understand and support my life decisions but it's a completely different thing asking someone if they'd consider an ethically non-monogamous lifestyle. It took a lot of personal research and decision making to come to my own conclusion; I didn't have any poly friends or lovers to converse with so I don't have an idea of what I would want to tell someone I am interested in.
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  #280  
Old 10-02-2013, 12:01 PM
bookbug bookbug is offline
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It is difficult given the limited timeframe, but if it were me, I would first tell him my personal history / philosophy and gauge his reaction. If his reaction is unduly negative, I probably would not proceed any further. If he is neutral, but curious, I would answer any questions he has, and then re-evaluate. Did going through the question and answer process make him more negative or positive toward polyamory? Only if I was sure that he had some degree of positive attitude toward the concept would I then reveal my own attraction.
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