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  #61  
Old 09-18-2013, 07:14 PM
WhatHappened WhatHappened is offline
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Originally Posted by Duckshoes View Post
True, for the period between her telling us and us responding poorly because we were in shock, we did know. I would say however that the lead up to this did not indicate anything. I think had she brought up the topic without giving us the ultimatum of I date or I'm gone, we could have talked about it in a different way.


I have mentioned this in previous posts and I agree with you. I think she had other issues she didn't bring up with us. But since she didn't say anything, I can't really speak to anything other than what I can infer
If she really brought it up in such an in your face, do what I want or I'm gone manner as you portray, I would tend to think there were reasons she felt she HAD to come on so strong. What sorts of things had she asked for previously to this, or expressed desires for? Were there other times you and your wife told her she couldn't have things she asked for?

Again, my reading of your story suggests that you and your wife, perhaps, were the ones with the issues, to which she was reacting. My guess is there was an atmosphere to begin with in which she felt she couldn't discuss things openly.
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  #62  
Old 09-18-2013, 09:01 PM
Duckshoes Duckshoes is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by WhatHappened View Post
If she really brought it up in such an in your face, do what I want or I'm gone manner as you portray, I would tend to think there were reasons she felt she HAD to come on so strong. What sorts of things had she asked for previously to this, or expressed desires for? Were there other times you and your wife told her she couldn't have things she asked for?

Again, my reading of your story suggests that you and your wife, perhaps, were the ones with the issues, to which she was reacting. My guess is there was an atmosphere to begin with in which she felt she couldn't discuss things openly.
I think there is a disconect here between us. We were the ones with the issues, I haven't denied that. As I have stated several times, our lack of knowledge on this was clear. My attitude towards this situation has taken a dramtic turn since I first posted and that is because of the articles and things that people have presented to me. I didn't see things from her side and I didn't react in the right way. I still maintain that she could have helped the situation by approaching it differently, I don't know if we created an atmosphere where she didn't feel comfortable....I certainly hope not, that was never our intent.
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  #63  
Old 09-18-2013, 09:12 PM
Duckshoes Duckshoes is offline
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Originally Posted by nycindie View Post
It sounds like you wish she would've asked you for permission. However, it seems she was simply taking charge of her life.

Did she really put it as an ultimatum or was it more like, "This is what I want to do and I hope you can deal with it." ? The way you put it sounds so over-the-top dramatic. But I empathize with your broken hearts - the hurt really sucks.
I don't remember her exact words but what came across was an ultimatum. Was she taking control of her life - yes. Was it out of the blue and shocking -yes. Did we react poorly - also yes.

I never wanted her to feel like she needs my permission for anything. She is an adult and doesn't need me (or anyone) to control her. I just wished we talked about it in a different way
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  #64  
Old 09-19-2013, 02:21 PM
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Marcus Marcus is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Duckshoes View Post
My attitude towards this situation has taken a dramtic turn since I first posted and that is because of the articles and things that people have presented to me. I didn't see things from her side and I didn't react in the right way. I still maintain that she could have helped the situation by approaching it differently, I don't know if we created an atmosphere where she didn't feel comfortable....I certainly hope not, that was never our intent.
I must say, I'm impressed that you have taken so much criticism and new information in stride. It can be a tough thing to do, learn that your view of a situation might have been skewed and that you still have a lot to learn. I am not always so graceful when I discover I've dropped the ball.

I still see a bit of disconnect with some of the messages being expressed to you, but for the most part you at least appear to be open to the idea of growing.
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  #65  
Old 09-19-2013, 03:19 PM
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Dagferi Dagferi is offline
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I agree with Marcus.. You have taken what has been said with grace and humility .

I hope you will stay here with us and participate.

I hope you will find what you are searching for.
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  #66  
Old 09-19-2013, 04:55 PM
Duckshoes Duckshoes is offline
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Thank you

This has been a difficult learning process but such is life sometimes. I still hope that one day she will reach out to us and we can reconnect but that may just be a dream that will never happen. She is aware of this forum but I don't know if she checks it. I guess we just move forward and take each day as it happens.

One of my favourite quotes and words I try to live by

Twenty years from now you will be more disappointed by the things that you didnít do than by the ones you did do. So throw off the bowlines. Sail away from the safe harbor. Catch the trade winds in your sails. Explore. Dream. Discover. (Mark Twain)
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  #67  
Old 09-19-2013, 05:24 PM
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nycindie nycindie is offline
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I agree with Marcus and Dagferi, and I am sorry you are in such pain right now. I also hope you will continue to participate here.
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