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Old 09-17-2013, 02:04 AM
SparklePony SparklePony is offline
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Join Date: Sep 2013
Posts: 14
Default Help! My man's new love is a very jealous Secondary-Mono/poly-DADT-LDR-Vee!

Greetings Poly Community! I am so glad to have found you. I have been in a poly relationship for 4 years but until a few days ago I never knew the word.

My man and I are going through a challenge...our relationship has been mostly about unicorns (I have no desire to date outside but it's also ok if he dates without me). But this time My partner (P) and a mono girl (M) have really fallen in love. I am open to accepting her but she is very much mono, jealous, insecure and has to pretend that I don't exist (even though we have all hung out together and she otherwise likes me, she just can't face sharing her man). To be in a relationship with P she would basically be in a Secondary-Mono/poly-DADT-LDR-Vee (Secondary b/c of time/physical constraints, not because P & I have put some sort of restriction on it). M says she will try, but I am afraid it's going to be too much for her which is going to be painful for all of us.

P is on a week long trip to visit M (a plan he made without consenting me). This has been more painful than I ever expected as I have never had to deal with jealousy. However I realize my issues are not about P being with M, but because P chooses to severely limit our communication while trying to appease M (He has to go into damage control mode if he even looks at my texts and we haven't spoken on the phone about the matter in 5 days for fear of M's wrath). Underneath it all we have been having our own relationship problems with ORE and the fact that P has been feeling a little smothered by being around me 24/7 because we also run a business together.

Unfortunately on this trip to visit M, P is trying to both get some "space" from me and start his first serious outside relationship, all while our unstable crazy landlady is trying to kick us out. I'm stuck at home dealing with the mess (both physical and emotional) with no friends I can talk about poly with and hardly any communication from P while he's enjoying a romantic vacationship. I am super easy going and patient, feel compersion and candualism, never had jealousy issues, but this has been an extremely painful challenge for me.

Please help me see some clarity! I go to pick up P at the airport tomorrow.

Last edited by SparklePony; 09-17-2013 at 03:10 AM. Reason: clarify
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