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Old 03-01-2010, 01:14 AM
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Originally Posted by MonoVCPHG View Post
I never experienced the need to hyphenate every activity with “Mono” before so why do I have to start every event with the word “Poly” now?
Because being "mono" is a social default. People generally don't feel the need to specialize any activities around being mono because most activities are already designed to be that way. Anyone can bring a girlfriend or boyfriend to an event and not have to deal with a slew of questions or glances. This isn't the case when people might want to bring more than one other partner. Since many of these activities wouldn't normally be openly welcoming to people who are poly, it makes sense to create such activities where there is intention to create a space where people can be openly poly during such activities without having to deal with side glances or ignorance.

Originally Posted by MonoVCPHG View Post
I came to the realization that in my eyes, the community itself was the driving force behind friendships and not the friendships establishing the community.
I don't think that's necessarily always a bad thing. Forming friendships over common ideals or interests can be very rewarding. It doesn't have to be the only way to form friendships, but I find it one of many great ways to do so.

When it comes to communities forming out of organic pre-existing friendships, I find that to be wonderful. But I also find that communities formed over common ideals or practices to be wonderful as well. They are simply different ways to connect. I like to embrace the power of "and" in such situations.

The sheer number of posts about this particular poly community that have come from you and Redpepper seems to suggest that it is a dysfunctional community or one that you simply don't feel is a good fit for you. That's fine, but I would be cautious of using that example of an ideals/identity-based community as evidence of how all ideals/identity-based communities are flawed.
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community, family, fitting in

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