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  #621  
Old 09-16-2013, 11:41 PM
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ColorsWolf ColorsWolf is offline
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Originally Posted by LovingRadiance View Post
Colors-

one issue I see is this;

There is a HUGE pressure inside of a BDSM community to instill upon everyone the NECESSITY of consent.
The idea that there isn't consent-negates it being BDSM altogether. Without consent, it's not BDSM, it's something altogether different.

So saying....
i'm ok if there is consent but otherwise I have an issue with it....
is like saying I'm ok with BDSM but I'm not ok with abuses that happen in the world that look similar to BDSM but in fact are not.

Which-is confusing in a thread devoted only to BDSM-and absolutely NOT supporting or approving of abuse in any form...
I would have thought the BDSM community, like london said, would have been all on board with the importance of consent, instead of jumping to unfounded conclusions.~

I never said I wasn't ok with BDSM, I merely explained my thought processes and why they are incompatible with BDSM play for me personally.~

Although, I don't know if this is related, but I also mentioned I would like to try out some VERY LIGHT whipping, not too hard spanking, not bloody scratching, and some biting I'll have to see how hard I like it I may like drawing blood with biting.~ ;3
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  #622  
Old 09-17-2013, 12:05 AM
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BrigidsDaughter BrigidsDaughter is offline
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Colors ~ Not that you aren't welcome to post anywhere on this forum, but of BDsm is not something you see for yourself, why comment on the thread at all?
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  #623  
Old 09-17-2013, 12:09 AM
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Originally Posted by BrigidsDaughter View Post
Colors ~ Not that you aren't welcome to post anywhere on this forum, but of BDsm is not something you see for yourself, why comment on the thread at all?
Like I said in my first post here, I simply wanted to express my thoughts on the subject and my thoughts on other things as a result.~

Any "commotion" caused was completely not of my own doing as I was clear and exact in my wording.~ I am not responsible for other's misinterpretations of my posts and as a result them jumping to unfounded conclusions. That is entirely their own doing.~
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  #624  
Old 09-17-2013, 12:16 AM
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Colors, if people are confused, then perhaps you weren't as clear as you thought.

You know what you meant. Others don't, and are asking for clarification. What do you do next?
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Dramatis personae:
Me: Mono. Divorced, two kids (DanceGirl, 13; and PokéGirl, 11), two cats, one house, many projects.
Chops: My partner. Poly. In relationships with me, Xena, and Noa.
Xena: Poly. In relationships with Chops and Noa, and dating others.
Noa: Married, Poly. In relationships with Chops and Xena (individually).

Blog thread: A Mono's Journey Into Poly-Land (or, "Aw hell, there's no road map?!")
Slightly more polished blog with a mono/poly focus: From Baltic to Boardwalk
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  #625  
Old 09-17-2013, 12:22 AM
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Once more for those who REFUSE to read my previous posts:

I never said I wasn't ok with BDSM, I merely explained my thought processes (my wild animal nature) and why they are incompatible with BDSM play for me personally.~

I, just like many in the BDSM community probably do, highly value consent.~ By all means if you want it, go at it, I'll be cheering you on, go for it!~ Yeah!~ ^_^

Although, I don't know if this is related, but I also mentioned I would like to try out some VERY LIGHT whipping, not too hard spanking, not bloody scratching, and some biting I'll have to see how hard I like it I may like drawing blood with biting.~ ;3

Is this last part a sadist thing, because I feel it is more like a wild animal thing?~

Last edited by ColorsWolf; 09-17-2013 at 12:25 AM.
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  #626  
Old 09-17-2013, 01:02 AM
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Originally Posted by LovingRadiance View Post
So the topic arose elsewhere that D/s dynamics alter the way in which relationships function.

Certainly true.

I noted that in my life I have worked D/s in around the rest of my life. But some people work their life around their D/s dynamic.

Anyway-I thought I would start a thread on how this interplay effects people. The people in the D/s dynamic and/or metamours etc.
For me, I work the D/s in around the rest of my life as well. I'm in two D/s relationships, where I am the submissive, which is odd for me because I don't identify as submissive. I identify as a masochistic switch. However, I fell in love with two very dominant men with different styles and I've worked hard to foster that submissive side. For the most part, the D/s dynamic stays in the bedroom, though I do acts of service for both of them; bringing them after work snacks when I pick them up, doing house work for Runic Wolf (I HATE CLEANING HOUSE or any of the typical "Woman's work" things around the house), I make them garb at the drop of a hat, etc. I never used to consider these acts of service, just something that you do for the people you love, but I realized that I do them because I love them, but also because I want them to recognize that I'm doing them FOR them.

As far as how D/s or BDSM in general affect us and our metamours. . . that depends. Mostly it is a matter of respecting each other's personal boundaries. There are things my husband doesn't want to see or hear Wendigo and I do. There are things that Wendigo's wife doesn't want to see he and I do, but is perfectly fine watching Runic Wolf and I do together. (Or at least she was when we were still a quad.) At the same time, neither of them would dare tell me who I could or couldn't date, have sex with, etc. I would ask for their input, for sure, but they trust me to know what's best for myself in that regard.
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  #627  
Old 09-17-2013, 01:12 AM
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I know this may be a little off-topic, but is there a thread where I can discuss biting and scratching and other such things?~

If I can discuss it here: I like scratching and biting maybe to the point of blood or at least the idea of it during the heat of sex but not as a way to intentionally inflict pain=pleasure, although some VERY LIGHT whipping does sound exiting as foreplay (I actually don't like the idea of me INFLICTING any whipping on any body, but I like the idea of BEING VERY LIGHTLY whipped just to try it out) and not too hard spanking as foreplay and during sex, all of this (except the whipping part) on me and any other partners included, does that mean any thing?~

Just curious.~

Last edited by ColorsWolf; 09-17-2013 at 01:15 AM.
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  #628  
Old 09-17-2013, 01:31 AM
Ariakas Ariakas is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by ColorsWolf View Post
I know this may be a little off-topic, but is there a thread where I can discuss biting and scratching and other such things?~

If I can discuss it here: I like scratching and biting maybe to the point of blood or at least the idea of it during the heat of sex but not as a way to intentionally inflict pain=pleasure, although some VERY LIGHT whipping does sound exiting as foreplay (I actually don't like the idea of me INFLICTING any whipping on any body, but I like the idea of BEING VERY LIGHTLY whipped just to try it out) and not too hard spanking as foreplay and during sex, all of this (except the whipping part) on me and any other partners included, does that mean any thing?~

Just curious.~
You should learn more about bdsm..

You are on the SM side of things .. maybe not the dom/sub/bondage side. ..

Not everyone in bdsm likes the submission/dominance end. I just like to hurt my partners sometimes
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  #629  
Old 09-17-2013, 02:48 AM
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Originally Posted by Ariakas View Post
Not everyone in bdsm likes the submission/dominance end. I just like to hurt my partners sometimes
Hehehehe...

I like the 'B' part. I fight too much to be a sub and have no desire to be a dom. I like the fight... (grr). I've been poking around reddit and follow this thread, but really, P and I play a bit now and then and find what works for us.

Colors, I wasn't trying to ding you, and I'll address your question, but it seems to me that BDSM is very similar to Poly in that there are very different ways of having a BDSM or Poly relationship, and my <insert "thing" here> may be very different from your <insert other, very different "thing" here>, all within the BDSM or Poly umbrella. It's something you'll have to negotiate for yourself, in your own relationships, and find what works for you. I know for me, pain play is extremely difficult (you'd think that after going through childbirth AND gallstones, I'd be ok with pain, but noooooo...), and although P gets a bit "bitey" from time to time, I'm sensitive as hell and bruise up pretty easily. It's all personal and requires negotiation for each individual. What you're interested in may click for some and not for others.

But that's okay.

Just negotiate, be safe, and make sure your boundaries are communicated beforehand. P has erred on the side of being *too* cautious, and I appreciate that. Better to end play before it gets bad, than to have it get to a bad place that you have to recover from.

Everyone has their own preferences, and communicating that is key.

Are you looking for tips on how to start exploring, or are you looking for like-minded folks? Or something else? Telling us what you're interested in doesn't really say what you're looking for by way of responses.
__________________
Dramatis personae:
Me: Mono. Divorced, two kids (DanceGirl, 13; and PokéGirl, 11), two cats, one house, many projects.
Chops: My partner. Poly. In relationships with me, Xena, and Noa.
Xena: Poly. In relationships with Chops and Noa, and dating others.
Noa: Married, Poly. In relationships with Chops and Xena (individually).

Blog thread: A Mono's Journey Into Poly-Land (or, "Aw hell, there's no road map?!")
Slightly more polished blog with a mono/poly focus: From Baltic to Boardwalk
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  #630  
Old 09-17-2013, 03:08 AM
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ColorsWolf ColorsWolf is offline
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Originally Posted by YouAreHere View Post
Hehehehe...

I like the 'B' part. I fight too much to be a sub and have no desire to be a dom. I like the fight... (grr). I've been poking around reddit and follow this thread, but really, P and I play a bit now and then and find what works for us.

Colors, I wasn't trying to ding you, and I'll address your question, but it seems to me that BDSM is very similar to Poly in that there are very different ways of having a BDSM or Poly relationship, and my <insert "thing" here> may be very different from your <insert other, very different "thing" here>, all within the BDSM or Poly umbrella. It's something you'll have to negotiate for yourself, in your own relationships, and find what works for you. I know for me, pain play is extremely difficult (you'd think that after going through childbirth AND gallstones, I'd be ok with pain, but noooooo...), and although P gets a bit "bitey" from time to time, I'm sensitive as hell and bruise up pretty easily. It's all personal and requires negotiation for each individual. What you're interested in may click for some and not for others.

But that's okay.

Just negotiate, be safe, and make sure your boundaries are communicated beforehand. P has erred on the side of being *too* cautious, and I appreciate that. Better to end play before it gets bad, than to have it get to a bad place that you have to recover from.

Everyone has their own preferences, and communicating that is key.

Are you looking for tips on how to start exploring, or are you looking for like-minded folks? Or something else? Telling us what you're interested in doesn't really say what you're looking for by way of responses.
Thank you for the kind and so sweet response.~ I'm a little sensitive right now after having a lot people attack me for something I didn't even say...
So it's comforting to me to hear you speaking to me in such kinds words, I could use some kind words right now...~

As for your questions about my thoughts of biting and scratching, I don't really know what I want.~ I just like the thought of scratching and biting a little bit maybe a lot I don't really know during sex.~ I guess I'm just trying to explore myself and what I like.~ I'm glad there are kind people still here like you to help me with these questions of mine.~ Thank you.~

Last edited by ColorsWolf; 09-17-2013 at 04:02 AM.
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