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  #601  
Old 09-06-2013, 06:15 AM
london london is offline
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no, I know many submissives who have no say over anything in their lives - when they eat, drink, pee, talk. Some people just totally reject the word slave because of it's historical background and some just don't use it to describe themselves. That's why talking about relationships with a power exchange, and whether that power exchange is total or partial covers all kink based relationships with an unequal dynamic, rather than trying to use a prescriptive label to make distinctions between relationships that vary so greatly.

Everyone has an out, everyone uses it if they are in an unhealthy situation which makes them unhappy. The only ones who stay are the ones who would stay in a vanilla relationship that made them unhappy and that has nothing to do with "Da Rulez", it's simply because they think they don't deserve/can't get anything better ie low self esteem or they get into that mondset that love/marriage/whatever means that you absolutely must strive through misery to prove your commitment and love to one another. Trying to differentiate slave and sub by saying a slave is the one who gives up all their say regardless of their personal feelings just isn't apt. Saying a sub is the one who can just rescind their agreement at will isn't apt either:if you are in any type of power exchange, saying "no" will always affect the dynamic negatively. It isn't just going to pass without notice simply because you identify as a D Type's submissive rather than their slave. It could potentially ruin your whole relationship. It makes absolutely no difference whether you are a slave or a submissive, it completely depends on the nature of your D Type and the specific rules of your individual relationship.

This actually matters when it comes to polyamory because when you identify as an s type of some sort, people assume that if you are already in a relationship it will be a certain way because that type of s type has relationships with these sorts of rules. My Daddy, for example, isn't ultra protective, doesn't want to vet everyone I meet and thinks I should fuck more men. He is turned on by me getting fucked by other people. Someone the other day on Fetlife (after seeing we have our profiles linked Daddy and babygirl) said that they didn't contact me because they thought that it meant he would want total control over everything and that I am only allowed to date females (despite being straight) because from his experience, babygirl's are only usually looking for sister subs that they have sexual relationships with and secretly hate. The chances of me referring to a metamour as a "sister" is slim to none.

Lastly, openly disagreeing with me about something in a way that suggests that I am wrong and then suggesting that we leave the conversation there just isn't going to happen. Sorry.
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  #602  
Old 09-08-2013, 12:30 AM
CattivaGattina CattivaGattina is offline
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Originally Posted by LovingRadiance View Post
Cat-I can so relate to that. I thrive when what I wear, workouts, meals are defined by someone else. Left to my own devices it feels like a wasted effort to dress nice, eat healthy and workout. I still try-but if it is controlled by my Dom, I slide into sub mode and it becomes effortless.
I don't have problems doing it on my own (I like to do all those things) but it just ignites a different part in me when I know my actions are pleasing someone and my listening to them brings them joy.
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  #603  
Old 09-09-2013, 05:42 AM
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SchrodingersCat SchrodingersCat is offline
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They key difference isnt the strictness of protocol.
The key differentiation is a slave agrees to allow the master full control (ie tye term slave) whereas a sub agrees to limited control and reserves the right to rescind the agreement at will.
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Originally Posted by london View Post
no, I know many submissives who have no say over anything in their lives - when they eat, drink, pee, talk. Some people just totally reject the word slave because of it's historical background and some just don't use it to describe themselves.
This all falls under my philosophy that only the person using the label has the right to choose the label and how it's applied. As a matter of coincidence, my tag below is stolen from a woman who identifies as "a sub" but lives the type of lifestyle defined by LR's "slave."

The debate on the meanings of "sub vs slave" is an old one, and certainly won't be resolved here. There are BDSM dictionaries all over the place that attempt to set it in stone, but that will never happen. London is right that individuals will always choose their own way to do things, and call it whatever the fuck they want. Few things irk me as much as one person telling another person how they may or may not identify themselves.
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  #604  
Old 09-10-2013, 01:18 AM
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LovingRadiance LovingRadiance is offline
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Schrodinger-
I wasn't attempting to tell someone else what they should call it.

I was defined the terms I was using-explained them and then was told I was full of shit.
I responded by noting that protocol had nothing to do with what I said.

Anyone can choose any term they want to, to identify themself.

But for the purpose of a discussion (which I started) in order to communicate-we have to have some agreed upon term to start from and I created that-by researching the terms-and finding that there was a "general acceptance" for the definitions-which I then included in my posts here.

OBVIOUSLY there are plenty of people who don't choose to fit within the bell curve of the 'general acceptance'.
But they weren't part of the conversation (at least up to this point) and therefore-not pertinent.


To be frank-I sincerely believe that London just likes to argue and seeks out places on here to do so.

I don't care what people call themselves. In my dynamics-I don't call myself Mistress or sub. I am Bebe and angel. But that is useless for the purpose of conversation with someone who was asking questions regarding D/s because those terms have absolutely no meaning in the group at large.
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  #605  
Old 09-16-2013, 07:07 PM
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ColorsWolf ColorsWolf is offline
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I just wanted to let my thoughts known on this subject since this is the subject of this thread:

I don't know if it's me or it's an instinctual thing, but when I see anything anywhere with collars, leashes, chains, ropes, hand-cuffs, restraints, and ESPECIALLY cages used to contain something against its' will this...feeling...wells up deep inside of me a slowly building...rage....a desire almost undeniable to RIP-APART TO SHRED TO COMPLETELY AND UTTERLY DESTROY ALL SUCH DEVICES!!!~~~ AAARRRRRRRRRGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!~ It is for this reason I can not be around creatures like "pets" in cages for long.~

If someone wishes to be contained or restrained then I have no problems with that, go ahead live your life how you choose, but there's just something about holding anything prisoner against its' will that just makes me feel so angry!~ XD

I REFUSE to be "Dominant" or "Submissive" or what ever it is you call it.~ I will NOT "Dominate" and I REFUSE to EVER "Submit".~ I just want to be free and for anyone to ask me to do that to them, it strikes a chord within me like a wild animal making me hardly able to even stand the thought!~

I think that the whole "Dominate" or "Submit" system that many Humans tend to apply to other species is conjecture at best as no Human has seemingly yet truly knows what is really going in the mind of a non-Human because Humans don't understand non-Humans in a non-Human language!~ Humans have a tendency to Anthropomorphize or "project Human characteristics on other non-Human creatures", because Humans have a very hard time understanding things from a non-Human perspective it might as well be a completely alien world to them.~

Low and behold mercy to anyone who tries to contain or restrain me, it isn't long before I get extremely angry and violent, although this depends on whether or not I see a way out of the situation.~

It is for this reason that I don't see BDSM play working out for me personally, but for the rest of you: have a great time!~ ^_^

Although, I am interested in a VERY LIGHT EXPERIMENTAL whipping, spanking, scratching, and biting.~

No slapping though, or I will bite your hand and NOT in a way intended to cause pleasure.~

Last edited by ColorsWolf; 09-16-2013 at 11:44 PM.
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  #606  
Old 09-16-2013, 07:45 PM
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Marcus Marcus is offline
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Originally Posted by ColorsWolf View Post
I think that whole "Dominate" or "Submit" system that many Humans tend to apply to other species is completely false!~
Domestic dogs are pack animals who flourish in a system where they know who the leader is. They have long since been bread to "submit" to a human or other pack leader.

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Originally Posted by ColorsWolf View Post
Low and behold mercy to anyone who tries to contain or restrain me, it isn't long before I get extremely angry and violent, although this depends on whether or not I see a way out of the situation.~
BDSM is consensual; the fictional situation you are creating (which seems to be causing you to go into a fit of CAPS RAGE) is closer to abduction into slavery, which is illegal... obviously.
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  #607  
Old 09-16-2013, 09:10 PM
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Magdlyn Magdlyn is offline
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Originally Posted by ColorsWolf View Post

I REFUSE to be "Dominant" or "Submissive" or what ever it is you call it.~ I will NOT "Dominate" and I REFUSE to EVER "Submit".~ I just want to be free and for anyone to ask me to do that to them, it strikes a chord within me like a wild animal making me hardly able to even stand the thought!...

...mercy to anyone who tries to contain or restrain me, it isn't long before I get extremely angry and violent, although this depends on whether or not I see a way out of the situation.~
And yet you say you're joining the military shortly, where you will be trained to immediately obey and follow the orders of your superior officers on pain of court martial or other punishment/justice. If you get good enough at doing that, you will be trained to order many others around yourself, while still following the orders of the higher ups. Hmm!
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  #608  
Old 09-16-2013, 09:31 PM
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ColorsWolf ColorsWolf is offline
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And yet you say you're joining the military shortly, where you will be trained to immediately obey and follow the orders of your superior officers on pain of court martial or other punishment/justice. If you get good enough at doing that, you will be trained to order many others around yourself, while still following the orders of the higher ups. Hmm!
Regardless of what you are in, YOU have the power and YOU always make the choice to do anything.~

Any order I follow will be of my own choice to follow, I did after all VOLUNTEER to enlist into the military.~ HOWEVER if I feel an order is unjust, uncalled for, or I just plain refuse to follow it: I have the option to contest it and bring it up with a superior over the head of the superior who issued the order.~

I make the decision what to do at all times with everything in MY life, I take full responsibility for all of MY decisions.~ By following an order, I am making the decision to follow that order of my own CHOICE.~ There is NO choice "out of my hands", every decision I make is of my own choosing, I have no illusions to that, and I take full responsibility for ALL my choices.~
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  #609  
Old 09-16-2013, 09:35 PM
london london is offline
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People choose to be in kink based relationships with a power exchange though. They aren't forced to be in them, they choose to be.
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  #610  
Old 09-16-2013, 09:36 PM
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Originally Posted by ColorsWolf View Post
Regardless of what you are in, YOU have the power and YOU always make the choice to do anything.~

Any order I follow will be of my own choice to follow, I did after all VOLUNTEER to enlist into the military.~ HOWEVER if I feel an order is unjust, uncalled for, or I just plain refuse to follow it: I have the option to contest it and bring it up with a superior over the head of the superior who issued the order.~

I make the decision what to do at all times with everything in MY life, I take full responsibility for all of MY decisions.~ By following an order, I am making the decision to follow that order of my own CHOICE.~ There is NO choice "out of my hands", every decision I make is of my own choosing, I have no illusions to that, and I take full responsibility for ALL my choices.~
Well, good luck with the military with that attitude. I do not date military people, nor would I ever serve (serve! ha!), maybe you're right about questioning orders.

If you're happily going into the navy and ready to follow orders on a daily basis, I do not know what problem you could possibly have with a consensual D/s relationship.
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