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Old 02-28-2010, 04:48 AM
Ilove2men Ilove2men is offline
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Join Date: Sep 2009
Location: Louisiana... Go Saints!
Posts: 179
Default Minesweeper

Is what I feel like we are playing right now. Normally people have a few triggers. Trigger A will make me happy. Trigger B will make me sad. Trigger C will make me scared. Trigger D will make me defensive or angry. ECT ECT ECT. As we get older we start recognizing that we have such triggers so we can "catch" the negative ones and work through them without many theatrics.

Right now, I apparently have a whole new set of triggers and it's throwing me off big time. I don't like not knowing what emotions or reactions to expect from myself. Tonight one thing sent me into a frenzy of defensiveness, anger, sadness, and full blown tears. This one thing... it was ridiculous to have any of the reactions I had, but they poured out of me like a festering wound finally bursting from the infection.

I learned a few things tonight. I learned that I don't trust myself to stand up for myself. I feel like I failed in doing so the past few months and now I am apparently going overboard. Going into defensive self protect mode when there is no threat. I learned that my fiance totally understands the whys of it and has told me he will be here to work through each and every unknown trigger that comes up for me. I learned that not knowing what to expect out of your own self is no fun at all.

So, what I need to start working on is start rationalizing right away when something unknown begins to well up and work through it to the other side with hopefully less extreme emotions.

Have you ever gotten something unexpected out of yourself before? Did it throw you for a loop? I feel that because my reaction was unexpected that it brought out even more emotions out of me and all of them were intensified.

Last edited by Ilove2men; 02-28-2010 at 04:50 AM.
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