Hoping I find something to hope for again...Super huge vent!

[Ilove2men]

Originally Posted by Ceoli

Have you considered seeing a counselor or a therapist together? It sounds like you're both committed to working on this, but may not have all the resources you need to make it work. A counselor might be able to help with that. Just a thought...

I would love counseling, but currently we just don't have the funds for it. So we've no choice but to try to sort through this on our own.

[JonnyAce]

May i suggest at the least researching therapists. i know near me there is at least one office that offers a sliding scale for people who don't have the finances to afford normal therapy rates.

[classycaveman]

Originally Posted by Ilove2men

I can honestly say while I don't trust him, there's something in my bones... There's something in my boyfriend's bones telling us that my fiance is heartfelt. This is not his bag of tricks. We shall see if it sticks.

He certainly has his work cut out for him. It's good to know your boyfriend is looking out for you here as well. I'd love to give you a big hug for support right now! Keep us posted!

[Ilove2men]

Originally Posted by JonnyAce

May i suggest at the least researching therapists. i know near me there is at least one office that offers a sliding scale for people who don't have the finances to afford normal therapy rates.

The problem is our combined income really isn't that bad. But we are paying his back taxes right now from a few years of him having a 1099 job. So we are tapped out with that. He's working 2 jobs right now to help out, but it will be at least 2 years before we get it knocked out. Anywho (ramblinng) I checked out a place that offers a sliding scale and it put a very minor dent in the bill. If only they did a debt to income ratio.

Originally Posted by classycaveman

He certainly has his work cut out for him. It's good to know your boyfriend is looking out for you here as well. I'd love to give you a big hug for support right now! Keep us posted!

Thank you very much! And yes, he has been an amazing support. Its an unexplainable feeling to know that when it feels like my world is crumbling I know that I am safe with him. He has acted as our translator at one point for us. I say that because it felt like we were speaking 2 different languages. And there he was knowing the language of my heart and the language of boy.

If you're reading this, Thank you lovey.

And yes I think I will continue to post. Writing has always helped me find clarity and its nice to know that somewhere out there someone is witnessing an event that is huge in my little world. (Waiting with virtual huggs. hehe)

[budKEP]

"If you're reading this, Thank you lovey." ; ) I've been getting too many of these lately. Like I'm doing anything anyone else wouldn't. XP keep the clarity.

[JonnyAce]

Originally Posted by Ilove2men

The problem is our combined income really isn't that bad. But we are paying his back taxes right now from a few years of him having a 1099 job. So we are tapped out with that. He's working 2 jobs right now to help out, but it will be at least 2 years before we get it knocked out. Anywho (ramblinng) I checked out a place that offers a sliding scale and it put a very minor dent in the bill. If only they did a debt to income ratio.

Blargh, that sucks. I wish i could figure out another way, b'c it seems that going to a counselor would be a great thing for you 2 considering you both want to work this out.

[Ilove2men]

Originally Posted by budKEP

"If you're reading this, Thank you lovey." ; ) I've been getting too many of these lately. Like I'm doing anything anyone else wouldn't. XP keep the clarity.

Hey Mr Sassypants, this is my post and I can show gratitude if I want to. So... Xp

[Ilove2men]

Originally Posted by JonnyAce

Blargh, that sucks. I wish i could figure out another way, b'c it seems that going to a counselor would be a great thing for you 2 considering you both want to work this out.

It would be very nice, but I've worked out a few biggies without counseling when I really needed it so I know we can figure it out if we stick to it. And I've become more hopeful, but I'll post about that tonight.

[Ilove2men]

The past few days have been filled with letters. Its obvious and he admits that he has kept me shut out for quite some time. So many things he's been keeping bottled up that the letters help him organize each one. He has adressed some very big issues that we have had including how he treated me in regards to sex. He's definitely peeling back the layers of the onion.

Everything is coming out into the open. Little things, big things, the good, the bad, the ugly. Its not really important all that that entails. The big issue is that he was completely closed off to me an that was poison to our relationship.

While I am still leery of him, I feel closer to him than I have in a long time. Are things perfect? No I still don't feel safe enough to lay my heart on the table at his mercy, but these letters are a baby step. I get a few each day. Each letter detailing one specific issue or incident.

So myeah, we shall see where this takes us. I'm finding that I've come to terms with the fact that there is no quick fix. This has been happening for months if not years and it will take time to leave no stone unturned.

It hasn't been an easy week, but its been a good one I would say.

[JonnyAce]

I Think it's great that he's giving you these letters. i know that i generally prefer to e-mail someone when i want to talk about something big because it helps me organize my thoughts. Right now he's trying to save this relationship, and i think him being able to do this in a manner that helps him convey his feelings in all honesty, and thruthiness (thanks Colbert ) is fantastic