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Old 02-25-2010, 02:14 PM
JustAGirl JustAGirl is offline
Join Date: Feb 2010
Posts: 11
Smile Dating As A Poly Single

Hello all!

Great to be a part of your community. I've done some reading and am pleased at the well thought-out answers (although white space needs to make friends with SOME people ) and look forward to getting solid input from you all.

I especially look forward to having my ass kicked when it's necessary. I'm glad this isn't a responsibility-bereft relationship board, but hey, normally Poly ones aren't

On to my question!!

I'm single right now. I have a FWB but consider him more a good friend, protector and confidante than a "boyfriend".

After taking some re-adjustment time after my 9 year marriage dissolved (he wanted kids, I was clear from the start I didn't), I'm now looking to actually get more social again, to look people in the eye and make a new gaggle of friends.

In making new friends, I do expect to be asked out a few times, and that's where my questions begin.

I don't want to pre-judge people and turn down simple dates, but I also don't want to give someone the "wrong idea". And I definitely don't want to go on very many dates with a strict monogamist OR a "oh yah, I'm poly too!" newcomer.

I have this feeling that the moment I accept an invitation to one date I'm going to have to agree to myself to accept one or two other dates as well, so when I go on any of them I can make a "I'm having a lot of fun dating, you're the funniest/cutest/smartest one yet!" comment.

Okay, a question:

How do you start the conversation with someone who knows you're dating multiple people right from the start (second date) and effectively discuss the fact that you yourself (me) are not using this "poly thing" to find "the one", but in fact you intend to continue the poly lifestyle through to cohabitation some day?

And more importantly, how soon into the dating did YOU talk about this kind of thing? How many dates max did you go on/how much time passed with a person before you knew how well they could deal with the Poly lifestyle*?


* Your particular BRAND of poly lifestyle that is, since we all have slightly different beliefs and wants and expectations
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