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  #11  
Old 09-12-2013, 12:30 AM
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alibabe_muse alibabe_muse is offline
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Default Okcupid

I live in Idaho but I'm getting matched with lots of poly profiles from Seattle on okcupid. You might try that as well as the meetups already suggested. Based on the numbers there, you're bound to find a few connections on that site, it is poly friendly.

Last edited by alibabe_muse; 09-12-2013 at 12:33 AM.
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  #12  
Old 09-12-2013, 12:45 AM
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Magdlyn Magdlyn is offline
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Sexually speaking we are kinda mismatched. I would love to be having sex about 3-4 times a week, most ever week and feel secure knowing it was going to happen. In contrast she likes to wing it and just see day to day. Some weeks she's wanting to go like three days in a row and other weeks we done have sex at all.
Well, you know that women cycle and are more horny around ovulation? So, that one week or so per month is maybe when she's more interested than other times?

Has she always had a lower sex drive than you? I mean, it is common for many people once past the first year or two to have less sex. But sometimes things shake out that one partner continues to have a higher libido than the other. Poly can help with this!

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Saying all that, yes, I would be really pissed if she was having sex with somebody new and neglecting me.
This is a tough one. Some poly people do have more sex with their newer OSO than with the original partner.

This can be an ongoing problem that needs a lot of openness, and respectful discussion. I know it hurts to feel rejected sexually. A lot.
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  #13  
Old 09-12-2013, 02:00 AM
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Originally Posted by NewHusband View Post
On top of that she doesn't know or have any way to let me know if its even on the table day to day, much less days ahead.
You want a sex calendar? That sounds romantic

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Originally Posted by NewHusband View Post
Saying all that, yes, I would be really pissed if she was having sex with somebody new and neglecting me. I'm finding it really hard to find anybody new to talk to, hang out with or start a relationship with.
Honestly, get used to being pissed if she is taking on a new lover. Consider for a second how likely it is that you would want to have sex with someone you are hot and bothered for, all tied up in puppy love... pretty likely, right? Would you even want to have sex with them to a higher degree than this person you've been shagging 3-4 times per week for the past X years?

The answer is, hell yes!! That is one of the joys of polyamory, you get to enjoy the unbridled pleasures of new love while still having the love for the person you had before. It's a best of both worlds sort of scenario.

It *does* have the drawback of leaving your other partner perhaps less satisfied than they would prefer... at least for a period of time. But hey, that's what masturbation and other lovers are for!
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  #14  
Old 09-12-2013, 09:33 AM
Dirtclustit Dirtclustit is offline
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Default it's not just the number of times sex happens per week

and I can completely relate to the being pissed off about desiring more sex and having a partner you were previously committed to getting sex somewhere else, but it is exactly that type of attitude which makes it hard if not impossible to go from monogamy to non, without it being the end of the relationship.

It's my belief that the main reason is because one person is not comfortable communicating their honest desires and emotions

The sex thing is not just about having sex so many times a week, you could be having sex three or four times a day and it doesn't make the desire for sex with another person go away

Since that seems to be the case, it might prevent a whole lot of heart ache if your wife knew what kind of relationships would satisfy those desires to the extent pre-occupation with those thoughts would not cause problems in your marriage.

The good thing is that you and your wife have already cleared the hardest hurdle to living a satisfied life, you have chosen to not fear reality and you can at least talk about your honest emotions.

What exact meaning those emotions have is something only you and the parties involved will be able to interpret. Sex, lust , and love are not the only emotions that Human beings are prone to withhold and keep secret or otherwise not share.

It's just that they are by far the first emotions that "show their faces" so-to-speak, which is why it both amuses and pisses me off when "poly" people think they are some sort of "enlightened" beings compared to others, esp when it is a common occurrence that those who believe themselves more enlightened is exactly the "flags" the communicate the "one step forward and two steps backs" which to be clear, is saying the picture taken is right after the two steps back are taken.

Last edited by Dirtclustit; 09-12-2013 at 09:34 AM. Reason: I appreciate your on purpose typos BTW
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  #15  
Old 09-12-2013, 12:08 PM
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Consider for a second how likely it is that you would want to have sex with someone you are hot and bothered for, all tied up in puppy love... pretty likely, right? Would you even want to have sex with them to a higher degree than this person you've been shagging 3-4 times per week for the past X years?

The answer is, hell yes!!
Funny. Even when I have a new lover, I do not desire my long term gf any less. She seems to think I "should," and that gets her off the hook for fucking me, but no. I still want her just as bad, no matter if I have fucked one or 2 others multiple times in any given week.

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That is one of the joys of polyamory, you get to enjoy the unbridled pleasures of new love while still having the love for the person you had before.
Well, that's the ideal balance. Some people neglect the established lover. Personally I get off on established relationship intimacy as much as, if not more than, NRE.

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It *does* have the drawback of leaving your other partner perhaps less satisfied than they would prefer... at least for a period of time. But hey, that's what masturbation and other lovers are for!
Or... maybe even a better scenario: one's partner's NRE is brought home to the established lover and the partner at home gets a turned on person shagging both her lovers madly.
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miss pixi, 37
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  #16  
Old 09-12-2013, 01:15 PM
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Or... maybe even a better scenario: one's partner's NRE is brought home to the established lover and the partner at home gets a turned on person shagging both her lovers madly.
All possibilities; though the common path seems to be that NRE distracts from all other things (including a 'primary' relationship).

Just as long as the OP gets is 3.5 sessions per week, he'll be happy
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  #17  
Old 09-12-2013, 01:18 PM
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alibabe_muse alibabe_muse is offline
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Originally Posted by Magdlyn View Post
Funny. Even when I have a new lover, I do not desire my long term gf any less. She seems to think I "should," and that gets her off the hook for fucking me, but no. I still want her just as bad, no matter if I have fucked one or 2 others multiple times in any given week.

Well, that's the ideal balance. Some people neglect the established lover. Personally I get off on established relationship intimacy as much as, if not more than, NRE.

Or... maybe even a better scenario: one's partner's NRE is brought home to the established lover and the partner at home gets a turned on person shagging both her lovers madly.
This is exactly what happens with both my husband and myself. For example, on Tuesday he came home after sex with his new friend 100 times hornier than ever for me. His desire was amazing and sex was awesome.
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  #18  
Old 09-12-2013, 01:20 PM
gorgeouskitten gorgeouskitten is offline
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Originally Posted by Marcus View Post
All possibilities; though the common path seems to be that NRE distracts from all other things (including a 'primary' relationship).

Just as long as the OP gets is 3.5 sessions per week, he'll be happy
Sounds to me hes NOT getting it 3.5 times a week....hell, im happy if between my guys I get 4-5 times a week, but i think J would be pretty upset if Nudge got the majority of that and he got the short end of the stick. For me, even if I find its Nudge thats realyl getting me going, I still can turn that energy into wanting play with J
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  #19  
Old 09-12-2013, 01:41 PM
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i think J would be pretty upset if Nudge got the majority of that and he got the short end of the stick.
Psh, I do what I want with my sex drive. Someone being 'upset' because they aren't getting their fair share needs to realize that life isn't fair... and that I am not a commodity they have stock in.

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For me, even if I find its Nudge thats realyl getting me going, I still can turn that energy into wanting play with J
That's a win win for everyone. Hooray for indiscriminate sex drives!!
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  #20  
Old 09-12-2013, 02:59 PM
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Magdlyn Magdlyn is offline
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Psh, I do what I want with my sex drive. Someone being 'upset' because they aren't getting their fair share needs to realize that life isn't fair... and that I am not a commodity they have stock in.
How odd.

I understand you only have one lover?

I now live with my gf, and whenever my bf comes over and we have loud sexy times, after he and I are done, he's asleep or gone home or whatever, I make sure to suss out the gf's mood and see if she's also feeling wanty for sex.

This has been my habit ever since I met her. Even before we were living together fulltime, she's always been cool with me having another lover over when she and I were spending time at her or my apartment. The least I felt I could do for her being so supportive of me was to take care of any desires she had, especially if my loud enthusiastic sex inspired her desire.

It's not a burden on me at all! The more sex I have, the more I want. I love to double dip. And she has verbally told she appreciates me taking care of her in this way.
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Love withers under constraint; its very essence is liberty. It is compatible neither with envy, jealousy or fear. It is there most pure, perfect and unlimited when its votaries live in confidence, equality and unreserve. -- Shelley

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miss pixi, 37
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