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Old 09-10-2013, 04:16 AM
edlr edlr is offline
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Join Date: Aug 2013
Posts: 5
Default Hello All and I am shocked!!!

Greetings from East Asia. I joined this forum few weeks ago. I am in a weird V. Inter-racial, inter-cultural V with two Monos. Before you jump the gun and say, so what you have is an “affair”, let me first admit it all DID start as some kind of an affair. But now I don’t even know what to call it any more. Sorry this is going to be a long post. But I am not sure, how can I ask for suggestions, unless I state the background clearly. Sorry for the length of the post though...

I am a mid 30s South Asian man in an emotional and physical relationship with two ardently MONO women, P1 and P2. P1 is 5years younger than me and P2 is 3years; if that matters.

P1 is my wife of 11years and cohabited for almost 13 and we have a 6year old kid together. P1 is South Asian as well. Our marriage has been going through some nasty rough patch for at least 6-7years now. P1 is extremely possessive, ill-tempered and could even get violent (physical assaults and self-harm) when agitated. P1 loves to play the stereotypical South Asian homemaker, without wanting to know how budgeting, household expenditures etc are taken care of. Despite my pleas, threats and indifference, she refused (despite being a computer science graduate) to build a career or contribute financially to the household until a year and half ago. Now she is trying though albeit unsuccessfully. Our marriage was anything but smooth from very early on. But there is a sense of security that she provides me. Our sexual life has been mediocre at best! But P1 knows me better than anyone else. And is the most loyal person I have ever come across in my whole life.


P2, whom I am in relationship for 1.5+years; is of East Asian origins, married with two kids. She is also a Science graduate but hold a govt Job. And is very career oriented and independent. But her marriage is dead (or so she says and believes). Her husband is possibly a closet homosexual(what we call “straight-acting”) or in a relationship(hetro or homo) with someone else. And there has been no emotional and physical relationship between them for close to 2 years. And things weren’t any great before too with an yearly average of less than 10times, when it comes to intimacy. P2 and her husband do not support financially each other and is in a unequal contributors for their household. Where unfortunately 70% of the financial burden is shared by her, including kids education while remaining 30% is born by her husband.

P2 is fiercely independent, but she does have many a traits that are beyond being “pet-peeves”. P2 has a very big ego, and is borderline to moderate NPD(based on the season ). And when she is in NPD mode, she is extremely cold hearted and mean. And will resort to pathological lying just to win an argument or not to surrender her ego. She also uses exaggerations to emotionally coerce me in to lose an argument. She also has a wicked tongue that could put an old-school pirate to shame in creative use of f-words and other profanities.


This has been a major issue in our relationship from very early on. But now, I somehow can see through it most of the time. After all that cursing and swearing, with in a matter of minutes she would make-up with me again. And we had a very turbulent relationship in past few months, and had at least 20breakups since this February. Ok this may sound weird and childish. But none of the breakups lasted more than 7days. Sometimes I feel bad, and knowingly give-in and apologize, and she would readily make up with me. In situations were I wouldn’t do it, she would come back and apologize, in turn make up again.

I was very confused due to so many such incidents (breakups, verbal assaults and lying), what she really wanted from me, thought whether it was just a sexual or emotional attachment, or an infatuation. But in time, I have realized that there is something substantial between us. There were times I even felt, am I just being used and being a toy-boy. P2 can be extremely selfish at times. But now I have certain amount of confidence in her, and beyond all the ego and stupid things she says, I know she truly loves me. She is just afraid of being vulnerable that’s all. And these days, I can make out which is a lie (to win an argument,/ gain sympathy/ to cover-up a mistake she made), from what she is telling me truthfully. And she never used me financially, neither she was ever only in for sex. In fact it was me who wanted more sex than her. And sex between us is very good.

Last edited by edlr; 09-10-2013 at 06:05 AM.
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