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  #1  
Old 09-07-2013, 03:24 PM
violiner93 violiner93 is offline
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Default Poll - physical copies of STI screens

Under what circumstances, if any, do you require to see a physical copy of a partner's STI screening results? A partner's partner's results? A partner's partner's partner's results? Is that a line that you draw somewhere, where is it, and why? I'm curious how others approach managing this risk.

My own answer:

In the absence of prior suspicion of an infection I'm content with a verbal "I got mine back and they're fine." I believe that if I can't trust someone enough to be honest with me about their results that I shouldn't be involved with them. Of course this requires me to only date people that I think I can trust, but I'm ok with that limitation.

Thanks for your participation!
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Old 09-07-2013, 04:32 PM
london london is offline
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Originally Posted by violiner93 View Post
Under what circumstances, if any, do you require to see a physical copy of a partner's STI screening results? A partner's partner's results? A partner's partner's partner's results? Is that a line that you draw somewhere, where is it, and why?
None. I believe in trust. Firstly, I have to trust my partner(s) to be truthful with me. If I don't trust what they are saying to me about anything, we have issues. Secondly, I have to trust that they have sound character judgement: that means that if a metamour says that s/he doesn't have any STDs, I might enquire what tests they have had, but I have to believe what they say. That is part of trusting my partner and his choice in partners. Thirdly, I look after my own sexual health - it's my responsibility to protect my health and I do so by having regular STD tests. If my test comes back positive, it will be obvious that someone in the network has contracted an STD, probably when breaking a fluid bonding agreement that they didn't disclose. That would mean that I have to reconsider my trust in that person.

If it was herpes that I came back positive for, it would be hard to actually confirm that I had contracted it from a current partner and that they broke a fluid bond agreement of some sort to get it. They might have got it whilst using protection, same as I could have. Either/any of us, tested or not, might have had it for some time.
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Old 09-07-2013, 05:55 PM
Ariakas Ariakas is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by violiner93 View Post
Under what circumstances, if any, do you require to see a physical copy of a partner's STI screening results? A partner's partner's results? A partner's partner's partner's results? Is that a line that you draw somewhere, where is it, and why? I'm curious how others approach managing this risk.

My own answer:

In the absence of prior suspicion of an infection I'm content with a verbal "I got mine back and they're fine." I believe that if I can't trust someone enough to be honest with me about their results that I shouldn't be involved with them. Of course this requires me to only date people that I think I can trust, but I'm ok with that limitation.

Thanks for your participation!
I ask for them, and I give them readily.

Trust or not trust, it doesn't matter. I have done it equally with everyone I am intimate with.
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Old 09-07-2013, 05:56 PM
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LovingRadiance LovingRadiance is offline
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I ask for them, and I give them readily.

Trust or not trust, it doesn't matter. I have done it equally with everyone I am intimate with.
This.
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Old 09-07-2013, 10:36 PM
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Marcus Marcus is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by violiner93 View Post
I believe that if I can't trust someone enough to be honest with me about their results that I shouldn't be involved with them.
I agree with this.

If someone asks me for the paper copy from an STI test I guess I would give it to them. I would find it strange, and it would help me understand a bit more about what kind of relationship we have - but I don't have any interest in standing in the way of someone's health.

Why the topic? Has someone asked you for your doctors note and you are considering what you want to tell them?
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  #6  
Old 09-07-2013, 10:46 PM
herstory herstory is offline
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Default Papers Please

I ask for papers. I give mine.
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Old 09-07-2013, 11:00 PM
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Bluebird Bluebird is offline
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Since I am new to poly, I wasn't sure what the etiquette was, or what was expected. When I had my tests done last week, I messaged my boyfriend M that I had my results back and asked if he wanted to see them. He told me no, but maybe his wife might want to see them. So I asked the doctor's office for a print out. When I saw M after that, he glanced at the papers but didn't take them with him, so I dunno. I figure I will keep them for a short while, but will end up shredding them soon. It's not like I couldn't ask for another copy later, if we break up a new potential wants to see them.

M is going to the doctor on Wednesday to get his results, and he asked me to go with him. I don't think I would have required a paper copy, but since I will be there with him, I definitely don't need one.
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Old 09-07-2013, 11:04 PM
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Since I am new to poly, I wasn't sure what the etiquette was, or what was expected.
Prepare to continue to be surprised. There is exactly zero consensus among poly folk on exactly everything... even as to what the definition of what "polyamory" even means
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Old 09-08-2013, 12:04 AM
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Inyourendo Inyourendo is offline
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Ive never Been asked for papers and have never asked for them.
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  #10  
Old 09-08-2013, 12:33 AM
CattivaGattina CattivaGattina is offline
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Even during my slutty phase (yay for bad decisions after traumatic things) I didn't ask for proof of STD status. I just kept myself tested on a very regular basis.

After I got out of that I hit a point where I decided I wouldn't have sex with someone unless I could trust them to be honest to me about their status and making sure I had tests done before and after (a couple of tests with 6 weeks between) having sex with a new partner.

Worked so far.
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