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  #11  
Old 08-28-2013, 08:48 PM
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Originally Posted by alibabe_muse View Post
We had a good date night and it actually was just us as us and no bdsm play. I was too tired after working out. I thought working out is suppose to give me new energy but not yet.
FWIW, extra energy took MONTHS for me. But eventually it started working.
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  #12  
Old 08-28-2013, 09:12 PM
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Originally Posted by evad View Post
FWIW, extra energy took MONTHS for me. But eventually it started working.
I hope so! I know it's not age related because my 15 year old tells me she's exhausted after working out too. But she's 6 months out from an ACL injury and 4 months since surgery so she has an excuse. I am working off the last two pregnancies and not working out since I was a freshman in college. (well i've done long walks but not quite the same ).
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  #13  
Old 08-31-2013, 07:35 PM
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Smile same love

I can't get the song out of my head by macklemore vs ryan lewis. Strange to think I met him once before Heist came out, well long before that. DH's best friend help produce him years ago when he was a student at Evergreen. What a small world but I just love that song. "...she keeps me warm..." the vocals are beautiful and full of love. That feeling is what I long for from another woman. I doubt I'll ever meet her. JB never got back to me. I think telling her I'm poly sort of scared her off. Not sure why. But for some, they're okay knowing I want a relationship but going into what it really entails, guess it's too much. But I also have to remember, with JB pregnant, other things could be going on.

The date with M went good but I think I'll never hear from him again. He said he'd call me in a few days. That was Wednesday night. Although he said he is non-monogamous, I sensed a bit of judgement in him and when I think about it, I don't think, no matter how much of an attraction there is, how intense the kisses were, as DH said, the one I meet and want to make a part of my life, needs to respect me and appreciate who I am, that M thinks I'm a slut (I'm not but some men who proclaim poly are foley fuckeries). I sensed M does not feel either of those towards me. At least I can learn from this date for any other future ones I might have.

I'm feeling slightly burnt out on okc. My profile is explicit about what I am looking for, yet, men all over the world contact me. I think "seriously"? I said I don't want a text/chat relationship and then there are the ones who don't get I'm married and ask if I'm single. Those get blocked. And then I find ones who state they are poly but their wife doesn't know. Really? That's not poly sir, that's plain out cheating. Argh!

Then PR - the dumbass has one who loves him right there but "wants to find one to bring home to moma" as he said yesterday. I text'd back that he wants the best of both worlds, maybe he should get over impressing moma and do some research on being non-monogamous. LOL, then after the long text, he goes and looks at my okc profile. I know PR is torn between what his heart and body wants versus what his mind thinks he should do. I really felt like I put my foot in my mouth with him yesterday. Oh well, he's coming to visit later this next week so I didn't overly scare him off. I just want more than tag team experiences with him. I want to have coffee, cuddle, go for a walk with him, talk about our kids, have our kids meet (he has a son the same age as ours). The wish that will never come true. I guess he just doesn't get if he goes into more of an emotional relationship with me/us he can still pursue any other outside relationships as well.

This weekend while majority of Americans are off enjoying the Labor Day Holidays, I will be working on a huge project for my bookkeeping client. But before I can attack that, my nephew and his family are in town visiting. I can't wait to see my great nephews. So weird my youngest is only 9 months younger than my oldest great nephew!

Monday is to finish off clothes shopping for the teenager! Her and her brother start school Tuesday (yeah!!!). She's in three honor classes again. I'm amazed at how good of a kid she is. If I've done anything right in this life, it's making awesome little kids that are growing, one day, into beautiful adults.

Last edited by alibabe_muse; 08-31-2013 at 07:38 PM.
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  #14  
Old 09-03-2013, 09:43 PM
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Unhappy a quirk

A little quirk I realized as I was typing the post. Height issues:

http://www.polyamory.com/forum/showt...338#post226338
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  #15  
Old 09-04-2013, 07:48 PM
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Default Whew and where to from here

I texted my date from last week. I knew that night with all the groping he wouldn't call. I let him know I had fun but hope he has good luck on future dates. He replies back he had no attraction. My response was LOL because how he attacked me outside the bar and played with me in the backseat of my van, WHEW, there was an attraction. I hate saying this but when he asked about DH & PR's size, I think an inferiority complex hit him. Oh well. He didn't respect me and I got some experience with a first date. DH says it's because I wouldn't let him have actual sex with me. If that is the kind of guy M is, than good riddance.

Sunday night DH had a date after work. So what do two married poly people do when they go out with a date, grope and play in the backseat of their van! Let's call DH's friend NK. They work together, have been flirting for months. NK told DH on Saturday he had woo'd her. The only issue both DH and I have is NK has a serious boyfriend and we doubt they are poly. This weekend he's planning to talk with NK about us, poly, etc. He had told NK I was okay with things, but not the full extent. DH's pretty much hooked on her.

And I feel no insecurities. I was a bit bothered when he started telling me things but not as if he's comparing us, but because he's been the emotional rollercoaster. DH is still dealing with his insecurities. He was fine with my date with M, but there is one guy I really, really like. Anytime KB texts me, DH pretty much has thrown a tissy fit, so I've put off and have kept putting off meeting KB. Well after last night's freak out by DH, he tells me I should make a date with KB. So I did! Next Tuesday during the day. DH is actually going to watch the kids so I can meet KB.

Other good news: I was offered the tax accountant position!!!! First three months is just under $2/hour of what I asked for. It's salary, so I'll receive many more benefits after 90 days plus a raise to what I asked for. I was torn about taking it. But I'd bring in, alone, more than what DH and I currently bring in together. I got over 7 awesome months with my baby girl that I never had with the other two but the family's financial health required me to take the position. I start on the 16th. I had to give the moms of the boys I watch time to find another place. And I have to too.

Now we're trying to get a newer vehicle. The van is about to break apart (and I mean this literally, the struts are grinding against the body etc, sounds nasty). So I wait and wait for the call from the bank. Going in the direction of financing first rather than wasting time looking at cars only to be disappointed.

Then I've been chatting with a guy on fetlife who wants to hang out. I just don't know when I'll have time but might meet him this weekend. He said to call him BJ (did tell me his first name) so that's who he'll be on here. I better ask how tall he is before I make any plans.

Last edited by alibabe_muse; 09-04-2013 at 07:51 PM.
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  #16  
Old 09-06-2013, 03:27 PM
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Originally Posted by alibabe_muse View Post
A little quirk I realized as I was typing the post. Height issues:

http://www.polyamory.com/forum/showt...338#post226338
Did you decide to cancel? Most people have preferences, and some people view them as arbitrary. People like what they like.

And congrats on the new job!
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  #17  
Old 09-06-2013, 05:57 PM
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Did you decide to cancel? Most people have preferences, and some people view them as arbitrary. People like what they like.

And congrats on the new job!
Yes I did cancel & told him I wasn't feeling it. This is all new to me & being one that is a people pleaser it felt good to stop myself from going through with something my gut was telling me "no" to. Funny I'm talking with another guy who is 5'8 but he's different (cuter too), is actually talking with me & hasn't started talking about sex. He's stayed respectful, so far. I'm not writing off short men, just being picky on personality.

Thank you. It's interesting I was offered the position since I wasn't trying hard to get it. I actually have 6 more seasons of preparing taxes than the owner. I think that was a big factor compared to other candidates. And now I'm excited to start working.
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Old 09-06-2013, 09:07 PM
FullofLove1052 FullofLove1052 is offline
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Yes I did cancel & told him I wasn't feeling it. This is all new to me & being one that is a people pleaser it felt good to stop myself from going through with something my gut was telling me "no" to. Funny I'm talking with another guy who is 5'8 but he's different (cuter too), is actually talking with me & hasn't started talking about sex. He's stayed respectful, so far. I'm not writing off short men, just being picky on personality.
It always fascinates me to hear about what people are drawn to in a potential partner. (I am a demisexual, so I feel no sexual attraction to anyone but the person I am in love with.) I have friends who specifically prefer a certain hair colour, eye colour, height, weight range, race, etc. I can appreciate those things at an aesthetic level, but that is where the line is drawn for me.

Hopefully things will work out with this new guy. If he has the personality and piques your interest, he might be worth it.

Quote:
Thank you. It's interesting I was offered the position since I wasn't trying hard to get it. I actually have 6 more seasons of preparing taxes than the owner. I think that was a big factor compared to other candidates. And now I'm excited to start working.
Bravo. Your additional experience probably did help you secure the job. I hope it goes well, and I hope you enjoy it.
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  #19  
Old 09-09-2013, 10:13 PM
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Talking how things change, for the good

Well now DH has his hands full. I smile thinking about it. He has three girls he's sort of juggling in addition to me. Two he works with and the other he met today on okc and they are going to meet tomorrow.

And now that he knows he isn't going to be sitting at home, alone, while I meet new friends, his envy is abating, almost gone.

You may just ask yourself, did she just say two co-workers? Yep, I did. There is NA, whom he's been involved with sexually and I've posted about before. And then there is NK, whom he has a deep emotional connection with. Last night the General Manager (GM) confronted him about his involvement with two of her waitresses, well not that alone, but she thought he was cheating one me. He explained we are poly and she says (she's Japanese) "you mean like that poly show on showbox"? So for the rest of the evening he gets a lot of teasing, flack from the GM. I think it's funny. I tried to warn him to be careful, girls talk.

Well that's his headache and not mine. I am here for him to get advice from but that's about all I can do. I really want to get to know NA (she's bi) more as I have a mini-crush on her, but that's all for now.

Now to me: I have only had one date, which never went beyond that. I canceled a date due to more than the height issue. The guy actually text'd me yesterday apologizing, saying he thinks it could have worked for us had he not asked for pics and videos. Too late.

I have a few guys who I'm texting with. There is one that I've liked AO (a body builder/trainer/male dancer and is 5'8). My only issue is he doesn't have a vehicle, lives 30 minutes away and if we evolve to sex (which I feel like it will) we'd have to do hotels every time (kind of spendy). I really like him.

Then this morning I re-connected with a guy from okc (lets call him NS) whom I had really liked back in July but it was to fuck and that was it. He text'd me and I told him I stopped my contact because I want more than just that. He replied he wants to be friends now. Guess not contacting him for over a month (I'd see him looking at my profile on okc once a week or more) has him a little more interested in just sex, we shall see. At least NS has his own home but also lives 30 minutes away.

So sometime this week Wed or Thur I will be meeting NS after DH gets off of work (home by 10). NS works from 1 to 10ish right now. Then Sunday I have plans to meet AO for a hike or walk in a park.

And tomorrow night, PR is coming over for some tag team time. I love seeing PR. It's been over a month since we've been together (he also lives 30 minutes away). It's so hot with PR and DH. I keep telling DH if PR was willing to be in an emotional relationship with me, I'd be quite content. Alas, PR's still searching for that "girl to bring home to moma". As I've said before, I'll just enjoy our times together and when it ends, it ends. Yes I fell in love with PR months ago, but I'm good at boxing my emotions up and setting on the shelf.

On my okc profile I've left only two pics of me up there. I'm not getting 10 messages a day, but more like 5 and still just as many views. I was asked by a guy what it was I was looking for in a guy today (he lives like 4 hours away). I responded, "someone nearby".

I believe you see a pattern to the guys I like...living 30 minutes away. Not only are they to the west of me but in a different state entirely. I live right on the state line. The "big city" to my east just doesn't have many poly folks. There are a lot of kinksters to the east and west based off of those who have asked to be friends on fetlife, but so far, no one there is interested in involvement with a person who is poly.

Time to get in the shower. DH and I are going to work out. Leave the boy home with his big sis (she's got a ton of homework to do after physical therapy) and take the little girl with us since the daycare at the gym is open until 7:30 tonight. I love working out! It feels so good.

Last edited by alibabe_muse; 09-09-2013 at 10:17 PM.
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  #20  
Old 09-10-2013, 08:18 PM
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Default compersion & some history

is what I am experiencing right at this moment for my husband. I felt it last night while discussing with him his date today. This morning, well, it wasn't jealousy, not envy, maybe because aunt flo is visiting, I don't know I was in a funk. As I thought about it I realized it's the double standard I've been given. DH asked me what was wrong, I didn't want to discuss it, didn't want what was bothering me to change his plans (it didn't but almost did) and he pushed me to discuss.

I explained that had our roles been reversed, I'd be getting a lot of anger, flack, and so much guilt that I'd be at a point of saying "I'm done with all of it". His response was to bring up historical things I've done (prior to our choice to be poly) and I responded, "that's not fair. It's about this path we've chosen not what use to be". I do realize he's had only a few contacts from okc and this one lady, not sure to give her a name yet or not, guess it depends on how today goes, actually is interested in him. DH is not ugly, I find him very attractive and I know girls many years younger than him do too, but his self-confidence is pretty low, has been for years (not for my lack of trying...always said to him "If you're ugly, why did I marry you")? Well after getting that "double standard" off my chest, I'm good to go, back to how I felt last night.

Our history:

I guess it's pretty relevant to where we are today and the fact that at the end of this month we'll be celebrating our 18th anniversary. It also, in retrospect, shows my poly tendencies.

I met DH over two years before we starting seeing each other. He was a local boy in the town I attended college. My girlfriends and I lived in the part of town called "Dog Town" and threw the best parties that even the cops left alone (we were all under 21...our first and biggest we were told as long as all the beer bottles & cans were picked up out front and the bands stopped playing, we wouldn't get a ticket...yep three girls who showed them their id's all under 21, left to keep partying). We even had a few costume parties in the summer...that night the cops drove by and kept driving.

As I've said in other places and maybe I haven't, I had a lot of lovers/one night stands, never really having many serious boyfriends beyond two weeks or so. The quirky thing is, the circle of friends DH and I hung out with, I never dated or had sex with...not sure why, guess they were "friends" that I didn't want to lose. From what DH told me, they all talked about me, but since I never gave a sign of interest, none never really hit on me except for Greg (he was drunk and sitting under at table at Adeliene's and kissed me when I bent down to check on him).

I lived alone for a few years until my best friend and I decided to move into the apartment where I got my first tattoo's (there was this traveling artist named Bobby and his pregnant girlfriend, Lee who showed up in town and stayed until her gorgeous baby was born). They lived off of his talent. And it is an awesome one at that. Both of my tat's he did, over 20 years old, look like I received them a year ago. After baby was born, they moved on and I moved in. Both my best friend and I were single and she wasn't even 21 yet. But that would change in a few months. We worked together and always worked on Friday night so we could go out on Saturdays. (We were part of that company that use to have the 30 minutes or less if not, it's free pizza place). If you live in a college town, it's a fun job to have. Did get a $50 tip once. I think it was my legs .

A year later we moved since best friend had a serious boyfriend and I couldn't have my dog at the apartment anymore. We got into a bigger place and again, lots of parties were hosted by us (now of legal drinking age). In the winter early spring, I started receiving a rose a day. It was signed EXCELSIOR. I had a secret admirer. It took me over a month to finally figure out who it was (not dh) after asking every guy I knew and then some. The flower shop wouldn't tell me who it was (even though it was pretty much a stalker, not too many laws about that back then) so I had to tell them: If it is so and so, do not send them to me anymore. Guess what, it stopped. The guy was a co-worker, who stalking me. I never had to bring the authorities in on it, he actually quit and moved away. I had to talk to him, explain how I never felt anything (I never did anything with him, never flirted with him, nothing, I even took his position at work when he was demoted) for him and that he had to stop. I'd ask our boss if she could schedule us different shifts so we wouldn't have to ever see each other. At this same time, DH was turning 21.

Back to the "dog town" house. One of the first times I actually met DH, I almost hated him. He was one of those obnoxious local kids who couldn't keep his mouth shut while a friend and I were finishing up watching a movie. One of the roomies brought a group of friends over and DH was in that group. They were just rude, young and annoying and he was 19 and the biggest smart ass I've ever met (one of the things I love about him now).

The next fall his best friend returned from Australia. Every girl on campus wanted to date Jake (name is changed). He had died blue hair, beautiful blue eyes and guess what, he asked me to go see the "Seattle Symphony" that Friday night. Nothing went anywhere with Jake aside from a good dinner and entertainment. Found out DH had told him he had a crush on me (probably also why nothing every happened with the guys in our circle of friends).

About two years later (ok, sorry, the timeline is wandering all over the place, but relevance is more important than dates) DH is 21, my best friend and her boyfriend are in a good place, we're out at The Tav, and she tells me they're going to try to have a baby. As I've said, lots of lovers, but no one serious and I had known since I was 18, when my first niece was born, that I wanted children. On this night, it hit me, I want a baby too, but I don't want to be tied down to any one. I don't want a husband, probably not even a serious boyfriend. I love my independence, I love my world that I can come and go as I please without being obligated to any one. I wanted my adult life to be with a mate, but still separate yet equal...our own bedrooms etc. And I thought to myself: That's it, I'm going to find me a sperm donor tonight (okay, I was little tipsy, not outright shit faced drunk but not sober either). That evening I evaluated every man in the bar: blue eyes, blond hair, big lips (I have little tiny lips-my kid would need some help there) and a nice ass. As I return back to the pool tables, there is DH, shooting pool. I walk up to him and say:

me: "Would you donate me your sperm"?

him: "No but we could practice at it".

The second he said those words...a tingle, that wetness a female gets from getting turned on, coursed through me...I wanted this man, I said to myself.

More later...
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