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Old 02-21-2010, 12:35 AM
Nony Nony is offline
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Join Date: Feb 2010
Posts: 2
Default New to Poly & to the Forum!

Hi hi, all. I've been trying to find such a site with "like minded souls" to help me (us) as we start this new stage in our marriage.

My husband & I have been married for 2 years, together for 4. After my first marriage ended as a disaster of distrust & no respect, I made it a point to be totally up front with who I am, and what I think with the "next guy." So, when we first met, I told my husband all my dirty secrets, embarassing history & past experiences.

Now, that includes telling him when I find other women sexy. I tell him that I'd love to have sex with his best friend. I tell him I'm really attracted to the idea of expanding our relationship to include other people (he's straight, I'm bi-curious with a bit of experience). Over all of this, his primary response has been supportive. He's said he all for it so long as I don't call out someone else's name in bed

Things really started transforming from the idle fantasy stage to possible reality a month or so ago. His best friend started texting me, and I asked quite frankly if he & his wife were poly (had very strong suspicions based on some facebook posts). They most definitely are, and he & I began something of a sexting relationship. All of this was with my husband's full knowledge & approval. We've starting talking about a 4 some, which I find very appealing. However, the wife is sweet, but not entirely my type. More to the point, she & my husband don't have a very strong chemistry - she sees him more as a brother, though she's open to the 4some. She just doesn't participate very actively in the pre-event conversations working up the appetite, so do speak. The best friend has reined things in pretty sharply with me lately. It seems to be that he's concerned that he & I have more of a bond than the other 2 in the "quad."

They are most definitely up for swinging, but get really distant & awkward whenever things get poly-ish. Totally fine, everyone has their own limits.

That being said, I'm frustrated as hell now! I was really really enjoying what our relationship (albeit almost entirely over text) was doing for me & for my marriage. If they aren't up for a more emotional thing, and just wanna fuck, that's not what is appealing to me. If all we wanted was the casual, borderline anonymous sex, I know we could find that pretty quick in the Casual Encounters section of craigslist. I want the friendship/relationship to be deep to go with the mind blowing sex (since that's the best way to GET mind blowing sex to begin with...)

ANYWAY... I find myself really really really wanting to find this mythical other couple to be very special friends with benefits. I thought it could be this couple, but it's not panning out that way. So I found my way to this forum, and now I'm trying to determine the best way to find the FWB. I feel a bit daunted, like I did when I was single trying to find the guy that was right for me. How do you filter through all the Mr. & Ms. Wrongs to find the Mr. & Ms. Right?

So, that's me (us) and my (our) story! I look forward to gaining insight & a better understanding through all of you here. Thanks!

(PS - we have a 1 year old son, and we're expecting #2 in July, so I know now is probably not the time for us to kick off a new poly relationship, but it's something that's been on my mind for a long time, and something we've talked about quite a bit)
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