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Old 02-21-2010, 12:35 AM
Nony Nony is offline
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Join Date: Feb 2010
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Default New to Poly & to the Forum!

Hi hi, all. I've been trying to find such a site with "like minded souls" to help me (us) as we start this new stage in our marriage.

My husband & I have been married for 2 years, together for 4. After my first marriage ended as a disaster of distrust & no respect, I made it a point to be totally up front with who I am, and what I think with the "next guy." So, when we first met, I told my husband all my dirty secrets, embarassing history & past experiences.

Now, that includes telling him when I find other women sexy. I tell him that I'd love to have sex with his best friend. I tell him I'm really attracted to the idea of expanding our relationship to include other people (he's straight, I'm bi-curious with a bit of experience). Over all of this, his primary response has been supportive. He's said he all for it so long as I don't call out someone else's name in bed

Things really started transforming from the idle fantasy stage to possible reality a month or so ago. His best friend started texting me, and I asked quite frankly if he & his wife were poly (had very strong suspicions based on some facebook posts). They most definitely are, and he & I began something of a sexting relationship. All of this was with my husband's full knowledge & approval. We've starting talking about a 4 some, which I find very appealing. However, the wife is sweet, but not entirely my type. More to the point, she & my husband don't have a very strong chemistry - she sees him more as a brother, though she's open to the 4some. She just doesn't participate very actively in the pre-event conversations working up the appetite, so do speak. The best friend has reined things in pretty sharply with me lately. It seems to be that he's concerned that he & I have more of a bond than the other 2 in the "quad."

They are most definitely up for swinging, but get really distant & awkward whenever things get poly-ish. Totally fine, everyone has their own limits.

That being said, I'm frustrated as hell now! I was really really enjoying what our relationship (albeit almost entirely over text) was doing for me & for my marriage. If they aren't up for a more emotional thing, and just wanna fuck, that's not what is appealing to me. If all we wanted was the casual, borderline anonymous sex, I know we could find that pretty quick in the Casual Encounters section of craigslist. I want the friendship/relationship to be deep to go with the mind blowing sex (since that's the best way to GET mind blowing sex to begin with...)

ANYWAY... I find myself really really really wanting to find this mythical other couple to be very special friends with benefits. I thought it could be this couple, but it's not panning out that way. So I found my way to this forum, and now I'm trying to determine the best way to find the FWB. I feel a bit daunted, like I did when I was single trying to find the guy that was right for me. How do you filter through all the Mr. & Ms. Wrongs to find the Mr. & Ms. Right?

So, that's me (us) and my (our) story! I look forward to gaining insight & a better understanding through all of you here. Thanks!

(PS - we have a 1 year old son, and we're expecting #2 in July, so I know now is probably not the time for us to kick off a new poly relationship, but it's something that's been on my mind for a long time, and something we've talked about quite a bit)
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Old 02-21-2010, 01:22 AM
ImaginaryIllusion's Avatar
ImaginaryIllusion ImaginaryIllusion is offline
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Welcome to the Forum Nony. I think you will have found the right place.


I’m afraid I don’t know where to find the FWB’s that you seek. Like any dating, there’s no guarantee’s. Additionally the dating pool of partners willing to be in less conventional relationships can be fairly small, and hard to find...and a lot seems to depend on location size (towns vs cities) and local culture. Suffice to say, it has its challenges, some of which it sounds like you’ve already experienced. What I have found though, is that a lot of looking seems to lead to a lot of frustration. Whereas finding favourable locations or events to attend and relaxing about the whole thing...well I can’t say the results are any more favourable, but there’s a lot less frustration.

Fortunately you sound like you will have some time to think about things. There’s no reason to rush, and you’re just getting started. Take your time, communicate, and enjoy the journey.
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Old 02-21-2010, 10:45 PM
Nony Nony is offline
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Imaginary - thanks for the welcome!

My big "plan" is definitely to make the friends, and then let something happen organically. Just struggling to find the right place where that organic thing COULD happen. Most friend groups, it's pretty standard to assume that most of the others are monogamous.
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