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Old 02-20-2010, 07:01 AM
Vexxed Vexxed is offline
Join Date: Feb 2010
Posts: 84

Originally Posted by SchrodingersCat View Post
Sure he's funny, kind, considerate, generous... but none of those are why I love him. I love him because of who he just is. I would love him if he were paralyzed or in a coma and unable to do any of the things we love doing together.
That sounds like unconditional love. I think that such love takes time and is developed after spending lots of time with someone that you care about. It is not the same as what atracts a person, in my opinion. I think that mate selection is driven by the exact reasons that social scientist have found. I'm not going to list them here, but The Evolution of Desire is a great book.

You can change all the parts of yourself: become educated, get in shape, practice conversation, learn to be funny... those are all just skills that you can learn. But none of them change who you are.
They might not change me, but I promise you that more women would be interested in me. I've seen it happen before when I put on 10 lbs and dress better.

I go to school with people whom I find handsome, intelligent, funny... all the things that are great in a partner. And you know what? I have no romantic feelings for them whatsoever.
They must have negative qualities that offset their attractive qualities.

Take the positive aspects you see in her husband and boyfriend, things you envy, and learn how you might incorporate them into yourself. But do it for yourself, not because you want to be more like them.
I don't envy her husband. He's a good conversationalist too though.

Want to be more articulate? Practice conversations with women at coffee shops.
It is terribly hard for me to start a conversation with women at coffee shops.

Maybe she gets tired of him always talking her ear off, and really loves the way she can actually get a word in edgewise with you. And I think office guys are totally boring, whereas I love the natural muscles that labourers get just working, and greasy sweaty stinky guys working hard are SO hot! Don't assume that your differences from him are negatives!
I've considered that, and it does make me feel better.
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