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  #91  
Old 02-11-2010, 03:39 AM
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So here we go... it seems that this up coming sex party has opened up a lot of discussion in our poly group. It seems that it may just be helping a lot of people define what it is that they want from their relationships with others in the community.

It makes me feel a bit better as I thought I was going a bit crazy and the only one who was feeling like that.

It seems that there perhaps is a divide happening. I don't know, we shall see. I certainly feel that I am moving closer to those who are more into what we are simply because I have a need to feel comfortable right now rather than pushed.

After having a lovely meet with another married couple this last week and conversing about what they want to accomplish in their marriage I feel settled again for the time being. Sometimes I feel as if there is no one who has a similar idea of poly. It's just not true, just that most of the time, those who are married and in relationships with others in a family setting are most of the time just off doing their thing.

We happen to be really out there in the community and that community seems to be wanting to fuck everyone... it's just the nature of it it seems. Those who are into that need to be out there so that they can get together with others. When you are in a more closed relationship structure, as we are, then just by proxy there is not the need to be out there in the poly world. Hence the lack of visability and my lack of feeling like I belong. If I wasn't so intent on finding a female intimate friend and some D/s fun, I probably would be backing right out of our community and living my life doing something else, like just being family.
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  #92  
Old 02-11-2010, 03:55 AM
Ceoli Ceoli is offline
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Originally Posted by redpepper View Post
We happen to be really out there in the community and that community seems to be wanting to fuck everyone... it's just the nature of it it seems. Those who are into that need to be out there so that they can get together with others. When you are in a more closed relationship structure, as we are, then just by proxy there is not the need to be out there in the poly world.
That might be a characteristic of your community, but I've noticed and known lots of people who are "out there" and visible in the poly world because they feel the need to be connected to a community or they feel a need to create and care for such communities, not necessarily out of a need broaden their hook up pool. I've also noticed that this doesn't correlate to whether they are in a more open or closed relationship structure. It just has to do with what the community means to them, regardless of their relationship structures.

Last edited by Ceoli; 02-11-2010 at 03:59 AM. Reason: typo
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  #93  
Old 02-11-2010, 03:58 AM
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Me personally, I don't get the whole 'networking' thing, but then, I've always been a polyfidelitous kinda guy.

There's just something about the triad that really speaks to me on a spiritual level.
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  #94  
Old 02-11-2010, 04:44 AM
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That might be a characteristic of your community, but I've noticed and known lots of people who are "out there" and visible in the poly world because they feel the need to be connected to a community or they feel a need to create and care for such communities, not necessarily out of a need broaden their hook up pool. I've also noticed that this doesn't correlate to whether they are in a more open or closed relationship structure. It just has to do with what the community means to them, regardless of their relationship structures.
Yes, I agree Ceoli. I think I put myself into that same category - it's nice to hang out with folks who "get it" when it comes to my relationship style - I don't have to explain or hide or feel ashamed when I sit there with my two loves. I am most definitely poly-saturated right now, so the idea of using it as a dating pool is far from my mind. I have met many new friends through this - people who I wouldn't ever have met if I hadn't had the local groups to which I have belonged.
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  #95  
Old 02-11-2010, 01:34 PM
GroundedSpirit GroundedSpirit is offline
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Originally Posted by redpepper View Post
So here we go... it seems that this up coming sex party has opened up a lot of discussion in our poly group. It seems that it may just be helping a lot of people define what it is that they want from their relationships with others in the community.
Morning RP,

So are you saying that in your particular group there's a big emphasis on sex and maybe less on some of the bigger picture topics of poly living or just general sharing of community ?

GS
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  #96  
Old 02-11-2010, 10:18 PM
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Morning RP,

So are you saying that in your particular group there's a big emphasis on sex and maybe less on some of the bigger picture topics of poly living or just general sharing of community ?

GS
Thank you GS. I was not looking for a comparison to other poly communities out there, but some empathy that I find myself in the one that is more leaning to the swinging end of poly and I am figuring out where I fit if at all when I seemingly do not fit!

Of course I know that some people are out there, just because they like to be! I am one of them! With all due respect, I thought that was obvious... guess not. It's a tad frustrating to me that I have to explain as I have already in this thread I thought.

Yes I am saying that there does seem to be a big emphasis on sex and who to get with right now in my community. Thanks for asking for the clarification and allowing me to set the record straight.
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  #97  
Old 02-12-2010, 12:58 AM
GroundedSpirit GroundedSpirit is offline
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Yes I am saying that there does seem to be a big emphasis on sex and who to get with right now in my community. Thanks for asking for the clarification and allowing me to set the record straight.
Well, hopefully it's just a phase - spring is in the air
It would be a shame if the group drifts totally in that direction as I'm sure you're not the only one who is "full" from a sexual perspective and it will get boring for others too and discourage participation.
Hopefully you or someone else can bring some other stuff out on the table that everyone can relate to - or most at least. Maybe that fact itself ? That over time even the friskiest people get kind of maxed out on sexual partners and there's a place for other stuff besides.
Should be time for both (all).

Then again, maybe your particular group really is just more "swing" inclined (I'm sensing that's your fear?) and there will never be a lot of interest in some of the other pieces of poly living.

But like you say - you seem to enjoy "being out there" anyway and no doubt you'll add your own distinct flavor <wink> to the group.

Time will tell I guess ? Dynamics change like the weather in most groups.

GS

Last edited by GroundedSpirit; 02-12-2010 at 01:01 AM.
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  #98  
Old 02-12-2010, 03:25 AM
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MonoVCPHG MonoVCPHG is offline
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There are community members who have similar approaches to poly as Redpepper and Polynerdist. The focus in these relationships is relationships. It just happens that some of the most visible members of our community are in different places with respect to their approach to poly and have different objectives than us.
I don't see a great schism impending but there may be some natural change occurring. I would feel the same amount of "separation" if there was a group of them that wanted to play baseball...I have zero time for it and so wouldn't join...and watching them would bore me senseless.
After the game I'm sure we could all get together for coffee, a beer and some chat though. Sexuality is only one aspect of our community and after all...poly is not all about sex right
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  #99  
Old 02-12-2010, 01:54 PM
GroundedSpirit GroundedSpirit is offline
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There are community members who have similar approaches to poly as Redpepper and Polynerdist. The focus in these relationships is relationships. It just happens that some of the most visible members of our community are in different places with respect to their approach to poly and have different objectives than us.
I don't see a great schism impending but there may be some natural change occurring. I would feel the same amount of "separation" if there was a group of them that wanted to play baseball...I have zero time for it and so wouldn't join...and watching them would bore me senseless.
After the game I'm sure we could all get together for coffee, a beer and some chat though. Sexuality is only one aspect of our community and after all...poly is not all about sex right
Yea - I like this outlook Mon
Glad you don't see the big schism because that would be kind of unfortunate.
But hopefully it's just typical group dynamics - different times different things get hot, then fade as something else replaces them. Patience and understanding. Like you said about the baseball, can't play baseball all the time. Even that gets boring. And sucks in the snow with a white ball.

GS
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  #100  
Old 02-20-2010, 06:05 AM
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well there is been mostly silence since last Friday.

I have heard a few things about the pros and cons of this particular sex party. It seems like much was learned about whether it was something that some enjoyed and others did not. I'm sure it changed people.

I personally am changed and I wasn't even there.

I don't know if I will write more as I know some locals follow this thread and I feel threatened by that. I am sure that the changes I feel will become eveident in other threads, so that is enough for me.
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