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  #11  
Old 06-27-2009, 07:29 AM
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redpepper redpepper is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Merricat View Post
Yes, I know I am a party to this woman's betrayal. I admit my guilt, but I am in love and too weak to give him up.
You have the unique opportunity to get his other girlfriend on board with this... if I were in your situation (you and the girlfriend you get along with) I would find it in myself to put all emotions aside and tell him that either he tells her what is going on and accepts the consequences or you will and you won't be sticking around for the fall out.... then if he doesn't, you can tell her in the kindest way possible who you are and that you are unable to stay with him because you feel she is not being treated with the respect she deserves.

Then I would make an escape plan (maybe start making it now?) and wait.

Mono wasn't saying that YOU should tell her, he should do his own dirty work and if he doesn't then I would consider is word crap from then on in.... he has a last chance to put it right and be honorable and show integrity... if he doesn't fess up to all his dirty deeds then he can't be trusted and I for one would not waste my time with that.

good luck and be strong and determined my friend!
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  #12  
Old 06-27-2009, 01:59 PM
Quath Quath is offline
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This is one of those stories that ends with a big lesson learned. I have seen this story several times over and the big lesson learned is that deceit will result in some major problems.

I understand that you are being the bigger person, but this plan of his is not a long term plan. It is him trying to see how long he can make it last.

If she finds out on her own, she is most likely going to make him choose. Will he choose you or her? Maybe they can work it out so he can still be poly with her, but the odds are not good when she feels betrayed by everyone involved. She could accept him being poly as long as he was with someone who was not part of an affair. There are lots of ways this can go badly.

If she finds out in a more honest, kind approach, she will probably have a similar response because she has been deceived for so long. However, she has a much better chance of accepting polyamory and you from this approach than any other. He should be the one to tell her and introduce you two when she is ready.

Of course, life has many twists and turns so it is hard to say what will happen.
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  #13  
Old 06-27-2009, 03:23 PM
NeonKaos NeonKaos is offline
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I don't know the OP and only know what she tell us about her BF, but he sounds like a player to me. I hate to keep it that simple, but the rest is all sugar-coated details IMO.

I bet the sex is fantastic, though.
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  #14  
Old 06-27-2009, 05:12 PM
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redpepper redpepper is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by YGirl View Post
I don't know the OP and only know what she tell us about her BF, but he sounds like a player to me. I hate to keep it that simple, but the rest is all sugar-coated details IMO.

I bet the sex is fantastic, though.
what is an OP?
I like your simplicity ygirl. LOL
when I think about the sex part it makes me want to barf I'm afraid.... I find no passionate sexiness in deceit, lying and cheating. I'm not with you on that one.
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  #15  
Old 06-27-2009, 06:45 PM
NeonKaos NeonKaos is offline
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OP means "original post(er)".

I just said the thing about sex because when I was younger I stayed in a few unhealthy relationships because the sex was so good and I couldn't imagine being without that.

But now that I am older and less unwise, I do agree with what you just said RP.
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