Originally Posted by idealist
I would suggest that the two of you continue to visualize what it is that you do want......spend more time focusing on that rather that the negative things that you are anticipating to happen. When my partner and I entered the lifestyle, we spent time visualizing how positive it would be and we also imagined what it would be like and how we might react. At the same time, we were open and willing to move forward with positive intentions for ourselves and the people we encountered.
When one of us has a negative or difficult experience, we use it as a chance to learn and move forward.
When we encounter a person or people who don't share our values or our ethics, we move away from them.
Bottom line is that we believe we are free to create a positive life for ourselves without having to sacrifice our personal morals, ethics, values and intentions.
If you want to send me a personal message, I can send you some worksheets that we use which helps identify values, feelings and intentions. These things can be worked on together.
I also agree with others that have said slower is better in your case and it probably would be great if she could get some therapy.
Well, I guess we have two different points of view…at least partly. While we have tried to envision what we want, I submit that I cannot ignore the negative consequences, unintended or otherwise. I tend to think as a realist…meaning that I know what I’d like to have but figuring out how I can have my cake and eat it too, and do it without the side effects. I think it’s awesome that you and your partner have the wherewithal to envision, or did envision, the poly experience and were able to obtain it. But, that’s why I’m here; to try to figure out what will work for us. I say that to say this. We are socially trained to be married…married to someone of the opposite sex. We’ve had this shit jammed down our throats our entire lives, yet somehow along the way, we figured out that the whole one man, one woman thing didn’t seem right. Now we’re trying to undo some of this, unravel it small strands at a time but struggling with it. We’ve had a few short thirty-something years to learn this, just to try to figure out how to unlearn it in a year or two. Please don’t take this as a slight against you; it is not. It’s a slight against society as a whole and I want something different for myself before I die. Perhaps I just need some perspective from those who struggled with similar experiences and how they overcame it…an example. Maybe that might add a little context to the situation. Anybody have context?