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  #171  
Old 08-30-2013, 09:46 PM
Tonberry Tonberry is offline
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I just received the decree of divorce! We are now divorced. Next updates should be about something completely different
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  #172  
Old 08-31-2013, 05:09 AM
opalescent opalescent is offline
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Officially on to another stage of your life!
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  #173  
Old 09-01-2013, 02:59 AM
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nycindie nycindie is offline
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A new chapter begins! Congratulations.
__________________
The world opens up... when you do.

"Oh, oh, can't you see? Love is the drug for me." ~Bryan Ferry
"Love and the self are one . . ." ~Leo Buscaglia "

An excellent blog post on hierarchy in polyamory:
solopoly.net/2014/10/31/why-im-not-a-secondary-partner-the-short-version/
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  #174  
Old 09-01-2013, 04:07 AM
FullofLove1052 FullofLove1052 is offline
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Here is to a new chapter and moving forward.
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  #175  
Old 02-15-2014, 07:21 PM
Tonberry Tonberry is offline
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It's been a while since I last posted, because there was sensitive information and I wasn't comfortable talking online, just in case.

Long story short, I missed the window to apply for a green card while legally in the US by a few days, due to the divorce taking longer than anticipated. I still applied, got a good lawyer, and yesterday got finally approved (I should receive it within the month). However until then, my situation was a grey area at best, and so I worried about being too public about it.

Now, though, the US government knows all the details, and has decided I can stay, which means that it's retroactively fine that I spent some time on US soil without a visa.

This is tremendous news and a huge relief for me, as it has taken so long. However my green card will be a conditional green card, meaning it is good for 2 years instead of 10. After 2 years I will need to go through the same process again.
In the meantime though, as soon as I get my green card in the mail, I will be able to work, get a driving license, and travel outside the US. This is a huge relief and a great step in my life.

While it has nothing to do with polyamory, I figure it might be of interest to people who have followed my journal thus far.
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  #176  
Old 11-17-2014, 06:24 AM
Tonberry Tonberry is offline
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My life has been going pretty well. Since getting my green card, I have been able to look for jobs and currently have three. One of them, the first I got of the three, is a tutoring job. The hourly pay is pretty good, but I only get 4-6 hours a week and it's pretty far from where I live so it's not ideal. I'm thinking of quitting it. When I started it, the idea was to be doing something, anything, and the hope was to get many students and teach them French.

Instead, I'm pretty much babysitting a 9 year old while she complains about her homework, and I'm not enjoying it.

The second job I got a few months ago, working in a Mart-type store. I was pretty excited because the hours are steady, there is a minimum of 20 hours a week (maximum 40, my average is around 30-35) and I thought it would be very good for my career. At first it seems really like a good opportunity as I started getting promoted a lot, and I'm in line for a big promotion as a manager (complete with benefits) but... the pay is minimum wage (and apparently everyone in the store is earning pretty much that, regardless of position of how long they've been with a company. There is a woman who has been working with them for 29 years and her only raises have been due to raises in the minimum wage).

Still, I credit the Mart job with helping me socialise a lot more, interact with people, make friends of my own rather than just friends of my husband's, and developing a steady work schedule (I wake up early even on days I have off, now. Just got used to it. I used to have so many issues with sleep).

The third job is the most recent and the one I'm currently most excited about, career-wise. It's with a translation agency and I have projects to pick from. There is no fixed schedule which can be good or bad: I can work whenever I want... if there is work. No certainty there will be. It's also online meaning I can work from home. It's a translating job, which is what I wanted to do in the first place and therefore is a much better fit than working at a store. And finally it pays the best. Despite working less hours than at the store (I would say I work between 4 and 8 hours a day on translating, depending on whether I'm working my other jobs or not) it's my main source of income at this point, better than the other two jobs combined. It's getting to the point where I could conceivably live from just it if I could get a steady inflow of projects.
Because it's uncertain, I'm waiting until I've worked there for longer (it's only been about a month) to see if the jobs come and go or if there tends to be a good amount. I'm also monitoring how many jobs I'm "missing out" on due to being at the store, which can give me a better feel of how much work I would get if I quit everything else.

My love life with Seamus is still great. We celebrated our first anniversary in September. He's thrilled about my career success and very supportive.

On top of that, I met someone at the store. His name is Chris. He's from Britain and we really get along, and flirt a lot. I like him a lot and I'm thinking of asking him out. There are a few issues with that.

- I don't know where he stands on polyamory

- I don't know if he thinks of me in this way or not

- He's younger than me, by about 10 years. When I realised that I was shocked, but ultimately don't care, but I worry that he would.

- I'm his supervisor. That's a problem for a few reasons. First my job doesn't allow people who are in relationships to be each other's direct supervisor. The Associate's Handbook says that they'll accommodate relationships by reassigning people but that still seems like a lot of drama. Second, and more importantly to me (since quitting the store job wouldn't really bother me), I worry that if I hit on him, he'll feel obligated to respond even if he's not interested, or pressured, or otherwise harassed.

This is probably a silly fear. He was the first to joke around with me and we've been flirting and we spend our breaks together when they overlap. I also regularly visit the store when I know he'll be there and hang out with him if it's quiet or while making a purchase. I don't think he feels like I'm too aggressive. But he may be seeing it as a friendship, and if I actually ask him out, be surprised and feel harassed.
I have to add that I have a bad record of thinking someone likes me, only to have them reject me and run the other way when I actually ask them out, so I'm definitely worry about that. Not only would that suck for me, but I also don't want to traumatise him or something. I've never been with someone younger than me and I kind of feel like it's my responsibility to make sure things go as well as possible for him.

Anyway, that's my summary of the events since last time. Also, Black Friday is coming up and I'm not looking forward to it. Not at all.
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  #177  
Old 12-07-2014, 05:43 PM
Tonberry Tonberry is offline
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So, I'm now in a relationship with the guy I mentioned (his name is Chris).

I told him how I felt a week ago, although explained polyamory at that time. He took about a day to process and then was fine with it, but said he wanted to take things slowly. Which we have been. Although we've seen each other almost every day, we've only now reached the stage of kissing (pecks, not making out). Our first few dates we hugged (which was still progress from before).

I'm very happy and he says he is too. Seamus is happy for us and I've done my best not to neglect him. He says he doesn't feel neglected so that's good.

Chris and I are seeing each other today again. We've been talking a lot and getting close, and I'm actually enjoying the "not dip into it hear first" thing. My previous relationships were online so there was a lot of talking, but there was no dating, and the second we met things got physical and/or we started living together right away. This is new to me and I like it.

We are not hiding at work but since he lives with his parents and his afraid of their reaction to the relationship being polyamorous and with an alder woman, we're not going to broadcast it to his family (or on Facebook or other online media they would see it). He says he doesn't want me to feel hidden but he just doesn't want to deal with the drama while living with them, and he'd rather wait a bit.

That's fine with me since after only a week, meeting the parents isn't really compulsory anyways. He doesn't want to hide at work so I don't feel like a dirty secret at all.
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