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  #21  
Old 02-19-2010, 02:12 PM
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ladyjools ladyjools is offline
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We are out to everyone, and i mean everyone, even the people we know hate it. All 4 or our familys know, and work collegues etc...

I decided to be out because I can't lie, and becaues i don't want to live a lie. I am doing nothing shameful so im not going to act like i am. That being said there have been some very intresting consaquences to my being out,

1, i have been called a whore more times than i can remember now, whore, prostatute, slut, iv been called disgusting and even had someone tell me that they "hoped i catched something from my next victim"

2, my partners often get people tell them that i am obviously a manipulative evil cow and that they would be better off without me,

3, my Dad has disowned me

4, my step mother has threatened to physically hurt me

5, im prob challanged on being poly around once or twice a week it doesn't go away people don't seem to settle down once they know there are still always lots of personnal questions and gossip around me

6, i have just been slandered in the media

THAT BEING SAID

i do NOT regret my desision to be out, no matter what i dont' want to live a lie but I am very very tierd at the moment of everything and it is starting to get to me.

anyone thinking of being out i think needs to be aware that sometimes it really is not easy.

Jools
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  #22  
Old 02-19-2010, 02:49 PM
GroundedSpirit GroundedSpirit is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by ladyjools View Post
anyone thinking of being out i think needs to be aware that sometimes it really is not easy.
Jools
Oh my Jools !!!
That's all so sad - and so brave. I obviously have zero knowledge of what your particular social circle or general lifestyle is. But it's situations such as this that make you sad about the state of humanity - especially in Western culture.
And as I say to others on various other topics - it's scary to think that these are the same people who are allowed to vote in a supposed democracy. They get to pass laws that affect all people (like you). And they get into positions to enforce these laws !

And it's such a shame that anyone who wants only to live happily and spread happiness and love has to become a martyr to do it.
But seems nothing with humans will ever change (for the better)...........

GS
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  #23  
Old 02-19-2010, 04:11 PM
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MonoVCPHG MonoVCPHG is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by ladyjools View Post

anyone thinking of being out i think needs to be aware that sometimes it really is not easy.

Jools
Sorry to hear about all of this Jools. You are truly a strong and determined woman. Take care
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  #24  
Old 02-19-2010, 11:19 PM
booklady78 booklady78 is offline
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Jools, I admire your strength, even facing such ignorance and intolerance from people that are supposed to support you. Even hearing stories like yours, where being openly poly has definate pro's and con's, it still gives me comfort. I'm not alone, whatever I choose to do there will people that understand, or at least try to.
Hang in there! <3
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  #25  
Old 02-22-2010, 12:37 AM
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thankyou,
dispite it all, i am still glad we are open, i wouldn't change that for anything because really the people who don't like me because I am poly would never really like the real me if i was just keeping it a secret, they would only like/love the fake me and thats pointless.

Jools
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  #26  
Old 04-23-2011, 01:06 PM
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rory rory is offline
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I have been thinking a lot about how open I want to be about my relationship. I have a husband and just recently started a relationship with my girlfriend. Me and my girlfrien have told most of our closest friends, but with the family we are waiting for a while. We have been discussing about the right time and agreed that it will be the end of the summer (at the latest) since we will be able to spend more time together during the summer (we are in a LDR) and will see where things are going.

I have no people I would be scared of telling, since I am quite distant with my family anyways (they will not approve, that's for sure) and all my friends are very accepting. Right now I am not hanging out with people at the University because we have exams coming up, so I'll have more of a social life with them again next fall.

I'm a very open person and could never consider hiding my relationship from my friends of family. I obviously understand if other people don't feel the need to or cannot be as open about it.

However, I am thinking a lot about next fall and my life at the uni (here in the UK) and whether I want to let people know or not, and in what kind of situations. I have no very close friends here yet so it's not something that would naturally come up. If it does, I will talk about it if I feel comfortable to, and I definitely will not hide it. But since it propably doesn't I'm wondering how "public" I want to be. As in, will I say things like "My girlfriend is coming to visit me this weekend." to a person who already knows I'm married. I do think that I want to talk about my life with people on the same level that they talk to me about theirs (which does involve for me both my partners), and I propably will. I just realise that it will be a 'big thing' which will turn the conversation to polyamory and my inner thoughts and feelings about it. And also that I may become known as "the girl who is in a polyamorous relationship" at the uni. If that happens it might be exhausting, on one hand, but it might as well be interesting if similarly minded people would feel comfortable approaching me about the subject.

I just feel it would be good to have a realistic picture of what I might expect if/when I choose to be completely open. That's why this thread has been good reading for me.
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  #27  
Old 04-23-2011, 05:50 PM
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PixieStyx PixieStyx is offline
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Awww We've been wondering the same thing. Hubby and I are now co-habitating with my bf and thing actually are working our really well but as far as anyone else knows he's just our roommate.

However, I think my parents are suspicious. They haven't said anything and they have been introduced to my bf. (as a friend and roommate) But I think their suspicion lies in the fact that bf is single and significantly older than me. (he's 52 and I'm 30. hubby is 30.)

Last weekend I went to my parent's house for a BBQ. Hubby had to work so he didn't go. I wanted to bring my bf but because of the nature of things I didn't want to raise any suspicions with my family by showing up with another man and the kids to a family function, so bf stayed home. However, when my dad asked my where hubby was I told him he had to work and couldn't come. Then he asks me where my second husband was. It about FLOORED me!!! LOL I just laughed it off but it made me wonder if he knows and just doesn't want to say anything in case he was wrong. (like asking a fat woman if they're pregnant.) My dad likes to joke around and I'm sure he meant that question as a joke but sometimes when things are said in jest they are meant as truth.

So anyways, I would LOVE to scream to the world about our situation and how happy we are but honestly I don't want to cause any more drama than necessary. Especially since bf is my former boss and even though we were always professional at work rumors still surfaced and it caused a lot of drama for him. I also know that my family and especially my husband's family wouldn't understand. So for now we are keeping things hush hush. I know eventually things will come out but I think we are preferring to let that happen naturally in due time.
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  #28  
Old 04-23-2011, 11:23 PM
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nycindie nycindie is offline
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Pixie, my great-grandmother lived with her second husband and a "boarder" who slept in an extra bedroom they had. This was during the 1960s and they were all in their 60s and 70s at the time. I think the three of them lived together for almost ten years. As a little girl, I called this man by his first name and understood that he was "a friend of the family." Years later, after my ggm and ggf were gone and I was researching my family tree, I was told by my great-Aunt Blanche that Oscar was my ggm's boyfriend. I was too young to be privy to this, but apparently, it was common knowledge, though I doubt it was talked about.

So, basically, although I don't know whether my ggm had ever actually "confessed" to anyone, there were people who figured it out and knew. You would probably be surprised by who would be more accepting of it than not. I don't know if our information age nowadays would change things, but use your judgment and trust your gut in choosing who to tell and who to let figure it out on their own. You're right - who needs that extra drama? LOL
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An excellent blog post on hierarchy in polyamory:
solopoly.net/2014/10/31/why-im-not-a-secondary-partner-the-short-version/
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  #29  
Old 04-24-2011, 04:06 PM
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As I've said before, having been closeted for almost 10 years I just don't think it's worth it anymore. I come out to people in my social circle whenever I can (usually when somebody asks me about my dating life) because I feel that there is already so much ignorance and fear and pain around issues like this that if it can possibly benefit someone even just a little to hear me leading my life and not be miserable, I want to do it.

Of course, then there is the question of whether I am creating more misery for people who will not understand and think that I am endangering myself and others with insisting on this path down to destruction, which to them it is. But as has been pointed out in this thread before, who am I to tell beforehand who will understand and who won't? Even after initial negative reactions, maybe we can establish common ground and start talking about how I view my relationships and what they mean to me.

The one situation where I will curb down PDA is around mutual friends who don't know that the spouse of the married person I am with knows and accepts our relationship. This is very simply because I don't wish to burden anyone unnecessarily with the thought that they are witnessing somebody cheating on their spouse.
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  #30  
Old 04-25-2011, 03:02 AM
AutumnalTone AutumnalTone is offline
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I never worry much about what other people might think. I don't think of my relationships as being anything other than normal and I act accordingly. Should somebody ask who the babe is when I'm not with my wife, I simply tell them--their reaction is their problem.

I suspect that if I treat my relationships as something Oddly Notable, other people will, too. If I treat them as matter-of-fact business-as-usual, then others are likely to accept them as such. If they don't, I don't really care.

So I can be found out with women who aren't my wife. I can be seen holding hands with a woman other than my wife in public and I don't stop to think about whether that might be acceptable--it certainly IS acceptable and I won't tolerate any foolishness that says otherwise. What other people think about my marriage doesn't concern me.
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