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  #11  
Old 08-26-2013, 05:46 AM
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fuchka fuchka is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by SchrodingersCat View Post
So I hate to break it to you...
Woah, dude.

I understand where you're coming from. I'm not sure you understand where I am... but that's okay.

Yup, this is a public forum. And it's in a way ridiculous to be even having this discussion, right?

But it actually is not ridiculous. This is a real dynamic/negotiation for at least some people who blog on here. To keep this still safe as a (yes, public) space for someone to write in

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if you're posting things you believe they'd rather not have disclosed even anonymously, and you're worried that they might read it, then that's probably an indication that you should shut your mouth and keep their secrets to yourself.
I guess this is the crux of that issue. To most people (I assume) reading my blog on here, the characters would be anonymous. But for people who know me, the people will not be. Is this an issue? Would I write differently if I thought the people would be identified? Should I be using the latter standard anyway, on a public forum? (I'd say - not necessarily?)

I don't really share secrets about other people's lives (and I agree with your shut-your-mouth comment). But I was thinking about the intimate details about how I relate to a particular person or think about them.

Would I always have to think about how someone may feel, if other people they knew read about them?

Yeah, maybe I do.

But, I don't

That said, I would obviously stop writing about someone if they specifically asked me to.
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  #12  
Old 08-26-2013, 05:49 AM
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fuchka fuchka is offline
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your proposal sounds good to me. I appreciate your openness in letting me read the posts.

love
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Wants to think some more about it, and will reply later. Not sure how he feels about potentially invading other people's privacy
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  #13  
Old 08-26-2013, 06:31 AM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by fuchka View Post
Woah, dude.

I understand where you're coming from. I'm not sure you understand where I am... but that's okay.
So you snipped out the "all" from "I hate to break it to you." Aside from your usage of the word "letting" in the thread title, you didn't really say anything about "allowing" other people to read it, only whether or not you should "be ok with it." Some other people gave (what seemed to me as) as stronger indication that they were actively trying to prevent their people from seeing their posts.

The point I was trying to get at is that no one has the ability to "let" their partners or friends read their public posts. But you are completely correct when you say/imply that you can ask your partners to agree not to read your posts. Ironically, that would require you to show them exactly where they are, so they know what it is they're not supposed to read. Otherwise, they might unknowingly stumble upon it (since it's anonymous) and only realizes a few posts in that they're reading your blog.

It's just like the diary you keep in the bottom drawer of your bedside table. You can ask them not to read it, but at the end of the day, you have to trust that they're respect your privacy.

I definitely admit that when Gralson is reading over my shoulder, I think a little longer before typing something out. Usually I brain-dump through the keyboard, and then edit out [most of] the garbage. But when he's reading over my shoulder, I tend to censor myself at an earlier stage. It definitely interferes with my thought process, and usually I end up finishing the post I'm working on and then closing the window. He has no time or interest for browsing the forum on his own, so I don't think about that.
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  #14  
Old 08-26-2013, 07:30 AM
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fuchka fuchka is offline
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Originally Posted by SchrodingersCat View Post
So you snipped out the "all" from "I hate to break it to you."
Oh, sorry... I actually misread that as "I hate to break it to you and all". I'm not on the general forums as much as the blog section, and it slipped my mind that your comment may not be directed at me specifically as the OP. Whoops.

Yeah, in retrospect "Letting" wasn't the best word to describe things.

I may be reiterating my initial post, but thought I'd try to put it in another way...

The simplest way for me to be able to write freely in the way I want to write, is if my partners don't read my blog.

They know that, and because of that have respected this as my own space.

In order for me to continue to feel I can write freely, while knowing that my partners may be reading my blog, is to me a specific negotiation that I (and they) know we need to have. Neither of them want me to stop me being able to blog how I want to. If, for example, they were unwilling to stop reading when I needed them to stop reading, then I would stop writing.

So, yeah... it's really very little like "letting" and more about trying to make a space the way we all want it.

Of course there are people (and possibly other lovers) who know me and who may come across this public blog. Not too stressed about that, but to be honest I hadn't turned my mind to it too much. It's certainly something to keep in mind - as you said.

In terms of the partners I mentioned, they knew I blogged here and could find the link if they wanted to. One actually ended up reading my blog a while back though he'd agreed not to, which was definitely a once-off, and interesting to work through. He's the one who is currently not sure if he wants to read it anymore.

Thanks for your input.
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  #15  
Old 08-26-2013, 06:28 PM
gorgeouskitten gorgeouskitten is offline
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My boyfriend, nudge, recently joined this forum and spotted me so we had the discussion (right after i said ,Dont read my old posts!! ha) that he would post what we wanted to, but tell the otehr not to read it if it was inflamatory and if that person chose to do so anyone, that was on them.

I also write a poly article for a website that both my partners read, though BF has agreed not to read it if i write about the strain between his wife and i and i think it mgiht upset him (though i dont think i'd right anything inflammatory anyway)

the thing with the internet is, someone can always find out its you. if i find my thoughts/questions etc are VERY private of possible to cause hurt, i dont share them publicly.
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  #16  
Old 08-29-2013, 12:59 PM
cryingshame cryingshame is offline
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Default Dr[epor into

As one of the longer term partners mentioned in above discussion

-----------------

To reply to your letter: I reckon there is absolutely no hurry bubble. I love you, we beat in time together the way the wind kissed a sail (and who is the wind? and who is the sail?). When it comes down to dinner condiments, you are my salt, and while I do have an incredibly strong desire to read what youíve written ( part of this being just wanting to indecently spread the crematorium curtains open and peer directly into the molten window of our souls, part of this being simply to hear my own story told in someone elseís voice),but anyways and disregardless, I mean, that is to say: nonetheless and notwithstanding -- I would advise caution.

You say that me & S reading what you've written wonít affect the way you write in future, but I reckon that it will. I've seen this first hand. You've already said -- could it be possible I let you read this section and not that section? And I reckon it is not possible to let people you care about read what you've written about them without censoring yourself. Especially when the element on the stovetop is still hot. Be careful, this is your space, donít give away your freedoms too easy.

Besides which I think: Nah. By which I mean: No, I could not do that. I could not read x and z and not y. My curiosity would be incurable, insatiable, gluttonous.. I would break, I donít think I could help myse f.I would think ďwhat terrible secrets is she keeping from me?Ē And this kind of censorship kinda vaguely leads me to believe this is not the actual admittedly ambiguous very fuzzy slightly blurry sort-of thing you want anyway.

Here is my alternative: I purpose I read stuff thatís over x (6? 12) months old only. Six months, a year, that shit has a kinda distance from ourselves, itís no longer some kinda greedy street urchin got its nose pressed up against the Christmas window of the present , six months later the drums of war donít seem beat so close to us.

I love you m.

Last edited by cryingshame; 08-29-2013 at 02:28 PM.
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  #17  
Old 08-29-2013, 01:27 PM
cryingshame cryingshame is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by SchrodingersCat View Post
Otherwise, you don't really get a vote in who is "allowed" to read it... You do not own your partners, and you don't get to tell them what they're allowed to read on the internet.
Yeah, so: we've talked about this, we are adults, and I hate to break it to you but this is totally the issue we are discussing. Fukcha is not a stupid person (just the thought of the sentence makes me giggle a little): of course I can technically read her blog any time I want (and currently she has asked me not to), but this is not the problem at hand. The question that poses itself is this: is she cool with me reading her blog anytime i want?
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  #18  
Old 08-29-2013, 02:59 PM
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Natja Natja is offline
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I personally have experienced pressure from being to frank on my blog and I know that some blog issues have caused issues with other Poly folks also, so IMHO, I would not want partners to read my blog. It should be a place where one feels safe, but it may necessitate writing anonymously (I don't btw), no use telling your partner your username is 'Warhammer' and have a blog on here called 'Warhammer's Poly drama' and not expect your partner/s to read it if they come across it.
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  #19  
Old 08-29-2013, 05:31 PM
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nycindie nycindie is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by natja View Post
. . . No use telling your partner your username is 'warhammer' and have a blog on here called 'warhammer's poly drama' and not expect your partner/s to read it if they come across it.
LOL, that's true.
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  #20  
Old 08-30-2013, 04:41 AM
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fuchka fuchka is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by cryingshame View Post
I reckon it is not possible to let people you care about read what you've written about them without censoring yourself.
Yeah, you're probably right. However, I'm tempted to try. I dunno. We can always revert if it's not working?

I was struck by how this falls into that weird liminal space between permission and invasion. Say I had a decrepit building, for example, and it was just there for the exploring, in the middle of somewhere. It's my place, I can leave it however the fuck I want. Don't have to worry about shit lying around, the floor breaking in places.

Now if you came upon this building, knowing that it was not necessarily open for drop-in visitors, that it was not necessarily safe to explore, you would take caution. If the stairs collapsed beneath you, that would be your fault entirely - and you'd know it.

However, if I had given you permission of any kind to be there, or even perhaps knew that you, or people in general, were likely to find this place and wander around, I might feel the need to modify things a little, put up a sign or wrap danger tape around the dodgy bits.

But I'd rather write with abandon, and expect anyone fossicking around to take care of themselves.

Quote:
Here is my alternative: I purpose I read stuff thatís over x (6? 12) months old only.
You say this after stating that you don't believe you can stick to any boundaries. It's all or nothing. I think this is probably something you need to figure out for yourself.

I get what you're saying, though. You mean that, if you reassured me that you wouldn't be reading anything fresh, then I wouldn't feel any pressure to change the way I write. Yeah, I mean, you could do this if you liked. Sounds like it may not work in practice though

Quote:
is she cool with me reading her blog anytime i want?
Not sure. I'd like to be?

I don't want to compromise how safe this space is for me to write in. I am unsure whether this is a compromise.

I've also been thinking that this may be less about the 'issue at hand' (whether I'm cool with you reading my blog) and more about a 'reality check' about what a public blog is. Dance like no one's watching, sure, but am I really okay that people may be watching?

As long as I don't open my eyes... ?

I find this topic pretty interesting. Thanks for joining this thread, and forum. Hmm, gonna be even harder to resist reading now, eh? Love you too.
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