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Old 08-29-2013, 07:37 AM
AlwaysGrowing AlwaysGrowing is offline
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Join Date: Apr 2013
Posts: 232
Default How do you get over insecurity rooted in past relationships?

I have a great relationship with my husband. He is supportive, understanding, and amazing in just about every way. I am the best me when I am with him, and he thinks he is the best him when with me. I have no trouble telling him when something is bothering me and resolving it. I have very rarely felt anything more than a tiny twinge of envy when it comes to him being with other people, due in no small part to him completely understanding and accepting my current boundaries and our constant talking about everything.

Besides him, I have a history of falling for people who can't give me what I want/need. By that, I mean my first poly relationship was with a married woman who wouldn't even tell people who knew we were sleeping together that we were romantically involved as well (apparently it's ok to be bisexual and a swinger but not biromantic and poly? IDK). Then came the guy who wouldn't tell any of his family/friends about me because then they'd want to meet me and I may let it slip that I'm married. Then the woman who was really into me, as long as I'd come to her place and didn't expect to leave the house.

Mixed in there were some relationships that just ran their courses and some that didn't work out due to lack of chemistry/other normal reasons.

I have been seeing my boyfriend for about 7 months. We started out just talking, very friendly, while he was going through some stuff with his wife. Once they were more solid, he asked me out. I was a little wary but after another month or so, we had our first date. After a bit, he and his wife realized they had no romantic connection at all anymore and decided to divorce. While it was sad, he wasn't heartbroken because they'd both realized it'd been over for a while. They still talk a few times a week, and we've gone on quite a few double dates with her and her girlfriend.

Now, a few months later, things have settled and I am starting to feel my old insecurities creep in from past people treating me like I'm disposable. I don't feel like he's making as much time for me as he was, I don't feel like he's talking to me like he used to (which shouldn't surprise me since we weren't romantically/sexually involved then), and I am just feeling.. Unsure.

Whenever I voice my concerns, he tries to help. He offers all of these amazing supportive things. He follows through without about 75% probably, but then falls into the same routine until I bring something up again.

Deep down I know he cares. I don't know to what extent (we've never said "I love you" nor do I know if I feel it), but I know he wants me in his life and wants me to be happy. I just don't know how to accept that as it is and not worry about the future. I don't know if I see any long-term potential based on general personality differences, but for the most part I am enjoying the relationship while it lasts. I'm just starting to think it won't last much longer unless I get a handle on separating my shit from past experiences from the things that are going on now.

Any advice?
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