So I've never really been that good at asking for what I want. . . don't get me wrong, I'm a very assertive person, but usually I have a hard time identifying what I want, probably because I spent my childhood pushing down "wants" because what I needed was to keep my family together, even if it cost me my sanity. (Thankfully it didn't, but I definitely needed and got therapy in college). This brings us to now and how my not asking for what I want had ended up with me having a mini melt down last week because I didn't want to rock the boat and talk about how unhappy I was with certain aspects of my life. And then, our regular game week was postponed and I didn't even get the 30-45 minute date with Wendigo that I'd been looking forward to. THis lead to me realizing that I wanted more than that from our relationship; more than 30-45 minutes twice a month (due to circumstances mostly, but also b/c I didn't ask for more). But what to ask for? How much would be too much to expect? I'd finally worked myself up to the idea of asking for a regular hang out night; cuddles, movies, Rock Band. I'd intended on bringing it up to both Runic Wolf and Wendigo on Friday, but Runic Wolf ended up back at the VA for his knee and was put out on disability. . . Fast forward to yesterday, when Wendigo and I spent the car ride home from work catching up. We'd been talking about him coming over once a week to work on my armor with me over the winter once work is caught up a bit and he pointed out that it was probably the longest in person conversation we've had outside of game since our last "real" date in May. (Yes it's been that long.) He said that he didn't want to speak for me, but he felt like we needed an actual date night and I agreed. After I got home, it occurred to me that Runic Wolf is interested in attending a gaming thing at the Comic Book Store on Friday nights and had asked that I drop him off on my way to take Wendigo home from work. I'd pick him up when they are closing. I asked Wendigo what he thought about Fridays and he said he could make it work.
Last night I couldn't sleep, I got about 5 1/2 hours of sleep and woke up and hour and a half before the alarm. Runic Wolf was woken up by the alarm and I explained that I'd had trouble sleeping and thought perhaps I was overthinking. I told him that I wanted regular date nights with both of them, once or twice a month (on different nights). I suggested while he was at the Comic Book Store and he agreed, actually saying that Wendigo and I would get a fair amount of time in then. I had dinner ready by the time we got back here tonight, let my guys catch up and settled into bed ready to be disappointed that Wendigo and I wouldn't have enough time before we had to head North to game. I figured if nothing else, I'd get in a nap. Only my talking actually paid off; me saying what I wanted; asking even actually paid off and We got a whole hour of cuddling, kissing, and getting reacquainted with each other w/o having to hurry. It was pretty damn amazing and Wendigo was proud of me for allowing myself to ask for what I wanted/ needed to be happy when I told him.
After game and taking Wendigo home. I thanked Runic Wolf from my knees.