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  #11  
Old 08-26-2013, 12:43 AM
monkeystyle monkeystyle is offline
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Originally Posted by oneofmany View Post
My feelings over the past four months have not changed as far as wanting both legs of our v. M appears to be dealing with some major issues that he is not willing to discuss at this time. It is almost as if he has made a complete turn around in a very short time with no explanation. This year has been very emotional for us all with M's parents having major health issues including a heart attack and progression with dementia. I am at a loss as to what has happened - no major arguments, no problems within the v (and yes, I ask frequently to make sure he is still getting his needs met). M has just made some drastic changes and no one is aware of why.

The V had been closed at M's request and Blue and I were not aware of the new gf until recently. It has been quite an emotional rollercoaster with M the past few weeks.
Might want to take a look into whether or not your husband is in a mid-life crisis, or existential crisis, if you prefer. Sounds like he may be facing some inner turmoil and doesn't know how to handle it. People react differently to their loved ones pending mortality, and in some cases react well beyond their usual selves.

He may not see himself as important to your lives anymore, or he may be pushing away everyone close to him because he feels like his life doesn't measure up to whatever internal standards he once hoped for. Whatever the case, he sounds emotionally detached from his home life and has lost his sense of valuing the things that were once important to him. People who make major life decisions while under that spell often have great regret later for what they do during a time like this.

I wish you all well, and I think your husband needs some patience (and possibly some help) to work through these things that have disturbed him. Don't allow him to forget what you need from him, and how much you do care and love him.
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  #12  
Old 08-28-2013, 12:27 AM
GalaGirl GalaGirl is offline
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The V had been closed at M's request and Blue and I were not aware of the new gf until recently. It has been quite an emotional rollercoaster with M the past few weeks.
Does that mean he had a cheating affair?

If so, with that, the eldercare problems of agin parents, adjusting to a live-in V... that's a lot of emotional roller coaster for all of you.

What does each player really want?
  • You want to continue the closed V?
  • Blue wants....?
  • M wants....?

Has each player been up front about what it is they want?

Galagirl
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  #13  
Old 08-29-2013, 03:16 AM
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idealist idealist is offline
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Originally Posted by oneofmany View Post
We have been fully functioning as a live in v with myself being the hinge between Blue and M. M and I have been married 15 years but this may come to change. M has found a new gf who is requesting a closed monogamous relationship between her and M.
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Originally Posted by london View Post
I can't see the gf as a cowgirl, she is a monogamous woman who wants a monogamous relationship.
Clearly the girlfriend is a cowgirl..... Cowgirl refers to a monogamous person who meets someone who openly identifies as polyamorous, becomes romantically involved with them, and attempts to "cut them out of the herd," meaning: persuade them to sever existing relationships and embrace monogamy.
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  #14  
Old 08-29-2013, 05:13 AM
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SchrodingersCat SchrodingersCat is offline
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Originally Posted by london View Post
I can't see the gf as a cowgirl, she is a monogamous woman who wants a monogamous relationship. If anyone is setting out to wreck an existing relationship, it's the husband, who has purposely started a relationship with someone who wants to be exclusive with him despite the fact he is already married.
Uhm, no.

Seriously, what kind of person thinks "Hey, I'm monogamous and I want a monogamous relationship. Oh look! A married man! Perfect! That's exactly the kind of person I should get together with for a monogamous relationship!"
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