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Old 08-24-2013, 03:03 PM
Wyrdkiss's Avatar
Wyrdkiss Wyrdkiss is offline
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Join Date: Aug 2013
Location: West Coast, USA
Posts: 12
Default helping a potential "Paramour" understand -- advice?

Greetings all,

My intro post contains necessary information. It was entitled, "walking on Thin Ice Cubes, Yearning for a Swim" and can be found here:

http://www.polyamory.com/forum/showthread.php?t=53175

So as we know I am involved with a potential Paramour; she is an ex girlfriend and we recently integrated back into our respective lives.

My current partner is ok with us spending time together at this point.

I desire to express my affection for her, on some level. It could be limited, or, relationship permitting, ideally unfettered and free.

On top of the fact my current partner is going to struggle with this when it fully manifests, I do not yet know exactly how the Paramour feels either.

The feeling is obviously mutual, but she is completely foreign to both the open relationship as well as poly lifestyle. I am "open" with her about it, however (we are listed as Open on social media) and she and I have discussed various things such as my partner having a prior girlfriend, etc.

Personally I am leaning more and more toward seeing myself as somewhat of a future polyfidelity type person, with only the lightest of play with strangers.
This makes my current partner insecure, but she also is beginning to digest the benefits of knowing someone, trusting them, and not inviting chaos into our lives.

My potential and I are speaking about this on Sunday -- she does not yet know why I want to talk exactly, but I did mention that her comfort and understanding of our current relationship, as well as her feelings being honored, is important to me. I essentially want to aknowledge my affections and intimacy with her, and ask how she feels about my current relationship.
Afford her the opportunity to ask questions.
and discuss what I can, and cannot, offer in her life at this time, as well as what may be fully plausable in the future.
And, hopefully, move the wheels forward.

Expression. Intent. Desire. Clarity. Exploration.
SHe and I need to talk.
Then so do my partner and I, once I know what is even realistically an option.

But how do I go about this? Can anyone please offer advice about how to gently but directly offer myself, essentially, to someone who may be full of misconception or even derision toward a life that challenges the "one perfect husband w/ a picket fence" mentality?

I think something beautiful is possible here; I don't want to blow it.
I am fully prepared to share where my paramour and I leave of on Sunday with my partner, and we'll see how that goes as well.

Again, she knows this is a possiblity for me. There is no deception with either involved.

encouragement, wisdom and constructive criticism greatly appreciated...

Last edited by Wyrdkiss; 08-24-2013 at 03:08 PM.
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