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Old 02-14-2010, 03:43 AM
darthsabbath darthsabbath is offline
Join Date: Jul 2009
Posts: 11
Default First poly relationship and very confused

I was hoping to get some sort of advice on a situation I've been dealing with. I'm married to a wonderful woman whom I love very much... after many discussions, we've agreed that polyamory was something we both wanted, and have recently begun testing the waters with other partners.

In my case, it was with a woman I've known online for over a year, but only met face to face for the first time in October 2009. We kissed the first night we met, and my wife talked me into asking her out shortly thereafter.

We seemed to hit it off splendidly... there was lots of deep discussion, cuddling, sex... it was quite lovely. She and my wife got along well, and my wife and the other woman's husband even seemed to be getting close.

Unfortunately, things started going sour in December... not between us, but between my new sweetie and her husband. They've simply grown apart, and just aren't working out. As near as I can tell, it has nothing to do with the polyamory... they've just changed. Whether they can work things out, I don't know, but it doesn't look good.

Around the same time, I had to go out of town for a few months for an internship. Shortly before I left, my new sweetie and I went out one last time, and we agreed that it would probably be best that we put things on hold until she gets her life straightened out. I'm totally okay with that... I care for her very much, and I know that her needs come before my wants. However, I told her when I get back I would love to pick up where we left off when I got back, and she seemed to really like that idea.

I think this woman likes me... she's told me before how good I make her feel, how comfortable she is with me, etc. Even though she's currently going through bad times, I still see some of that when I talk to her... or maybe I'm just seeing what I want to see.

And so I'm confused. I want what's best for her... I want to give her space to get her life figured out, but the distance between us is starting to make me realize how much I want her in my life. I don't know that she is bold enough to come to me when (or if) she's ready to continue our relationship... that's very likely a step I'm going to have to make, and I just don't know when or how.

I hope the above made sense... if anyone has any questions about the situation, I'll be happy to clarify. My wife seems to think that things will just work out, but I worry she's looking at the situation through rose colored glasses. So, I suppose I'm looking for unbiased advice. :-)


Last edited by darthsabbath; 02-14-2010 at 03:47 AM.
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