Polyamory.com Forum  

Go Back   Polyamory.com Forum > Polyamory > General Poly Discussions

Notices

Reply
 
Thread Tools Display Modes
  #21  
Old 08-13-2013, 11:03 PM
moonlitwish moonlitwish is offline
Member
 
Join Date: Feb 2013
Location: Charlotte, NC
Posts: 13
Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by NowIKnow View Post
I don't buy into this polyamorous requirement that if you are legally married to someone that your spouse has to also be romantically involved with the other person you are in love with.
No requirement that I know of. The 4 of us just got lucky that's how it happened.
__________________

C-that's me! 28f married to
B-25f
Just broke up with
J-my prodigal lover 30m married to
L-22f B's gf and my ??

We're not actively looking, but if either of us meet somebody awesome.....
Reply With Quote
  #22  
Old 08-14-2013, 01:54 AM
Inyourendo's Avatar
Inyourendo Inyourendo is offline
Senior Member
 
Join Date: Jul 2011
Location: sw missouri
Posts: 528
Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by Flowerchild View Post
Yeah, it's surprising how rare triads/quads/group relationships are...
The desire isn't rare, finding women willing to enter into.such a relationship is rare. The ones I've seen that actually lasted just formed organically and the weren't closed
__________________
Sue, in a vee with my polysexual husband Nate and my mono boyfriend Sam
Reply With Quote
  #23  
Old 08-14-2013, 03:03 AM
NowIKnow NowIKnow is offline
Member
 
Join Date: Aug 2013
Posts: 14
Default

Wow! I am pleasantly surprised!

My apologies if I offended anyone. It was not my intention.

Last edited by NowIKnow; 08-14-2013 at 03:06 AM. Reason: Clarification.
Reply With Quote
  #24  
Old 08-14-2013, 04:10 AM
Marcus's Avatar
Marcus Marcus is offline
Senior Member
 
Join Date: Jul 2012
Location: Haltom City, TX
Posts: 1,066
Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by Inyourendo View Post
The desire isn't rare, finding women willing to enter into.such a relationship is rare. The ones I've seen that actually lasted just formed organically and the weren't closed
It's certainly popular to *want* a successful triad/quad/unicorn utopia, but it doesn't surprise me to see that they frequently have serious issues. It's a matter of the expectations going in when the goal is to "have an equal triad" or to "bring in a girl who loves my wife and I" it seems clear enough that the number of pieces which need to flawlessly fit together are far greater than an organic relationship.

I am in total agreement though, a group of people who fall into what could be classified as a triad or quad is completely different from the formula hunters I've seen. If it works, let it work and that is fantastic... but assuming that a perfect romantic union is going to happen between a group of people is quite an expectation.
__________________
Independent (Anarchist) Non-Monogamy

Me: male, 40, straight, single
Reply With Quote
  #25  
Old 08-14-2013, 08:54 PM
gorgeouskitten gorgeouskitten is offline
Senior Member
 
Join Date: May 2013
Location: New England
Posts: 285
Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by Marcus View Post
It's certainly popular to *want* a successful triad/quad/unicorn utopia, but it doesn't surprise me to see that they frequently have serious issues. It's a matter of the expectations going in when the goal is to "have an equal triad" or to "bring in a girl who loves my wife and I" it seems clear enough that the number of pieces which need to flawlessly fit together are far greater than an organic relationship.

.
Agreed again Marcus. i guess how i look at my "quad' ideal is that I date a married man, my spouse dates his wife, so the four of us are linked that way but we girls and the two guys arent romantically involved. Im guessing its more likely? Though we arent by any means happens. We know a nice couple, if it happens it happens
__________________
J: my husband of 10 years
Nudge: my boyfriend

on the jounrey to the new normal
Reply With Quote
  #26  
Old 08-14-2013, 10:20 PM
SchrodingersCat's Avatar
SchrodingersCat SchrodingersCat is offline
Senior Member
 
Join Date: Feb 2010
Location: Saskatchewan
Posts: 2,030
Default

If it happens it happens is, in my opinion, the right attitude to dating in general. I don't know anyone in any long lasting successful relationship who got there by forcing it or chasing an ideal of some kind. The exception is people who are married as a business transaction more than romantic... i.e. married for the sake of being married and don't expect "love."
__________________
Gralson: my husband. Auto: my girlfriend.
Zoffee: Auto's husband. Cue: Zoffee's boyfriend. Bookie: Cue's wife.

"Love is not breathlessness, it is not excitement, it is not the promulgation of promises of eternal passion. That is just being "in love" which any of us can convince ourselves we are. Love itself is what is left over when being in love has burned away, and this is both an art and a fortunate accident. " -- Louis de Bernières
Reply With Quote
  #27  
Old 08-14-2013, 10:29 PM
northhome northhome is offline
Senior Member
 
Join Date: Jan 2012
Location: Western Europe
Posts: 169
Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by Marcus View Post
I am in total agreement though, a group of people who fall into what could be classified as a triad or quad is completely different from the formula hunters I've seen.
Indeed. The last thing I expected, or was looking for, was a triad. It just happened. No plan, no strategy. So no expectations - which is one reason it seems to work.

Now if only the children would be as enthusiastic Sigh.
__________________
Compassionate toward yourself, you reconcile all beings in the world.

- Tao Te Ching
Reply With Quote
  #28  
Old 08-15-2013, 02:40 AM
Marcus's Avatar
Marcus Marcus is offline
Senior Member
 
Join Date: Jul 2012
Location: Haltom City, TX
Posts: 1,066
Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by gorgeouskitten View Post
Agreed again Marcus. i guess how i look at my "quad' ideal is that I date a married man, my spouse dates his wife, so the four of us are linked that way but we girls and the two guys arent romantically involved. Im guessing its more likely? Though we arent by any means happens. We know a nice couple, if it happens it happens
I would stop trying to predict how relationships are going to form. The only thing you can reasonably count on by making these predictions is that you will get in the way of what could have happened organically.

Also, "quad" and "triad" suggest that all members are romantically involved with one another. What you described is a pair of couples who are dating each others spouses. Nothing wrong with it, just that calling it a "quad" confuses people like me who try to use words according to what they mean.
__________________
Independent (Anarchist) Non-Monogamy

Me: male, 40, straight, single
Reply With Quote
  #29  
Old 08-15-2013, 03:00 AM
nycindie's Avatar
nycindie nycindie is offline
Moderator
 
Join Date: Nov 2010
Location: The Big Apple
Posts: 6,754
Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by Marcus View Post
Also, "quad" and "triad" suggest that all members are romantically involved with one another. What you described is a pair of couples who are dating each others spouses. Nothing wrong with it, just that calling it a "quad" confuses people like me who try to use words according to what they mean.
That is generally true of triads, but I don't think that is a hard and fast definition of a quad. It seems that most quads I read about (and the quad that appeared on Montel Williams) are just usually two couples intimately involved in each other's lives, with varying configurations of sexual involvement. Many, many quads just "swap" partners, but the women are not always sexually involved with each other. I believe that it is much rarer for all members of a quad to be sexually involved with each other.
__________________
Hot chick in the city.

Oh, oh, can't you see? Love is the drug for me.
~Bryan Ferry
Reply With Quote
  #30  
Old 08-15-2013, 04:47 AM
Marcus's Avatar
Marcus Marcus is offline
Senior Member
 
Join Date: Jul 2012
Location: Haltom City, TX
Posts: 1,066
Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by nycindie View Post
That is generally true of triads, but I don't think that is a hard and fast definition of a quad.
It's just confusing that there is an explicit distinction between the geometric shape of a vee versus a triad, but the quad (a closed shape like the triad) means something totally different.

So the word essentially means "closed couple partner exchange, or any variation of four individuals in which members may or may not be romantically involved" lol
__________________
Independent (Anarchist) Non-Monogamy

Me: male, 40, straight, single
Reply With Quote
Reply

Thread Tools
Display Modes

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off

Forum Jump


All times are GMT. The time now is 04:29 AM.